University of Cambridge Assassin's Guild
Archived News for Lent 1995 Game

( News | Mail | Inquest )

23:30 6/2/95

Friends and relatives have gathered to mourn the violent death of a Mr Jay Foad. On the way back from the morning physics lecture, an assailant commenced and held friendly conversation with him then proceeded to redistribute Mr Foad's undoubtedly fine grey matter with several point blank head shots. His dying words were the name and college address of a particularly close friend whose company he desired in the afterlife. A wake for this renowned philanthropist will be held in the college bar this evening.

00:06 7/2/95

The body of Mr Jamie Wood has been discovered outside his room in Emmanuel college. Forensic experts have determined that the cause of death was a toxic substance on his doorknob. Mr Wood was also found to be in possession of a letter, also coated in poison, but no explanation has been offered for this. Punters on the cam were horrified to discover the bloody corpse of Miss Emily Read of Clare College this afternoon. Witnesses later came forward and described how Miss Read was coerced onto a bridge over the river by a Mr Geoff Tolley. Miss Read is said to have threatened to jump into the river. Friends came to her aid, at which point Mr Tolley shot her through the head then turned the gun on himself. Police are mystified as to the motive for this killing and suicide.

The charred corpse of Mr Dafydd Richards, of Kings College, has been found amongst the smoking ruins of his room. Police believe an explosive device was detonated, but have as yet made no arrests. Several other bodies were also found in the wreckage, but have not been identified.

00:47 7/2/95

Police have released details of the killer of Mr Jay Foad, believed to be Nigel "Physical" Harris, a cold-blooded contract killer. These details have been slow to emerge - apparently all the witnesses were leaving a NatSci lecture, and their brains took some hours to recover.

The body of Mr Dave Hinton has been discovered in Trinity College. Statements from witnesses are sketchy, but it seems that Mr Hinton was an innocent victim murdered mistakenly by the hitman, Tim Down, currently wanted by police.

18:05 7/2/95

The body of Tim Clapp was found slumped on the floor just outside his room late on Tuesday evening by his meighbours. Police were immediately on the scene. Further investigations revealed that Mr. Clapp had just started to open his door when he was overwhelmed by poisonous fumes. Upon his person was a cloth containing a sticky substance, of which traces were also found on his In/Out sign. A white male, of average height and average build was seen leaving the scene.

Police are investigating the murder of Mr Emil Bernal, of Emmanuel college, who was found, shot dead, last night. Two sinister figures were seen leaving the scene, but could not be identified.

Another student was lucky to escape with her life when an unidentified assassin fired at her through her doorway. She escaped with mild flash burns and shock. Police are keeping her identity secret for her own safety.

23:15 7/2/95

A large-scale police search has been launched following a brutal killing outside St. John's Library. Jim Cameron of Clare College is on the run after shooting Brian Cowe at point-blank range. It is believed that Mr Cowe had fallen into bad company - known criminal Tim Down was seen fleeing the scene of the crime. The public are warned not to approach Cameron as he is highly unbalanced, and may kill again.

00:00 8/2/95

The body of Angela Merrick, of Pembroke College, has been discovered outside her room this evening. She apparently died from the effects of a poisoned letter which was found in her grasp. Police believe the crime to be the work of Miss Merrick's earlier attacker, returned to complete the job.

Miss Merrick was later observed on her Rag Blind Date, having been transformed into a zombie by a particular combination of fish liver and root. A Police spokesperson has commented that the testimony of the dead is unfortunately inadmissible in court.

15:45 8/2/95

The criminal Tim Down has been killed in a daring attack by a vigilante, at 02:15 this morning in the User Area, New Museums Site. He was traced back along a complex sequence of computer networks intended to hide his location.

Before his death, Tim Down claimed the life of Mark Davey. His body was found outside Tim Down's door after police went to search the premises. His head was also found, and they've cleaned most of it off the wall now.

A bomb was discovered early this morning in Trinity College, but was defused at great personal risk by a courageous member of the college.

The criminal psychopath, Jim Cameron, has struck again. Mr Adam Cohen of Clare college was shot last night. Police are baffled as to the motive - psychologists have suggested that Cameron' behaviour is "a cry for help", but Conservative ministers have called for him to be "strung up"

WPC Emily Read was also killed by Cameron later today on Queens Road; senior police officers have announced a massive campaign to apprehend the murderer.

19:40 8/2/95

Phil Gaudoin of Robinson College has ben discovered, dead, outside his room in the college this afternoon. The cause of death was a toxic substance on the door handle. Police have received a call from Jim Cameron claiming responsibility for the killing.

Cameron struck again today - Stephen Early of Churchill college was gunned down, for no apparent reason. Citizens are advised to stay at home, turn up the TV, and be very, very afraid.

Another bomb has been detonated, killing one person, in Trinity college this afternoon. The deceased has not been named. PC Tim Down was first on the scene, and has been assigned to the case.

00:17 9/2/95

Violence erupted at an Enterprise meeting this evening when an argument turned nasty. Mr David Damerell, known for his mild and tolerant disposition, amazed witnesses by threatening a Mr Owen Dunn with a large calibre weapon after an apparently ill-judged remark by Mr Dunn. Owen Dunn's life was saved by the quick actions of Ian Jackson, who, with complete disregard for personal safety, stabbed David Damerell, killing him instantly.

Police have claimed a major victory over the forces of violent crime this evening, after two assassins were apprehended and shot in central Cambridge. Clare Izard and Austin Donnelly were spotted by PCs Tim Down and Brian Cowe. Both were armed, and were shot by PC Cowe. A witness was injured in the incident, but is recovering well. A senior police officer has recommended PCs Down and Cowe for promotion.

...and some late news, just come in...

More mayhem has erupted in the Mond Room, New Museums site. DC Tim Down was stabbed and killed by Ian Jackson, who was then shot by DC Cowe and Ben Harris. Mr Harris has been commended by the police for his public- spirited cooperation. A Varsity reporter on the scene was also shot as a precautionary measure.

01:00 9/2/95

Here are the late-night headlines:

Police have identified the Trinity Bomber as Andrew Somers of B3 Angel Court Trinity. His victim has finally been identified as Shane Murphy, also of Trinity.

19:30 9/2/95

Jim Cameron and Elizabeth Pringle have gone on a rampage of violence on the New Museums Site. Jim was encountered by Tim Waugh and DC Brian Cowe in Cockcroft 4 - on leaving at 3:32pm, Tim Waugh was shot repeatedly by Jim. Brian Cowe was then trapped within the lift lobby by the pair, and shot by Elizabeth Pringle as he held the door shut against Jim. Police are anxious to apprehend the pair. Psychologists have described them as "Natural Born Killers"

Ben Laughton also fell victim to Jim Cameron at the top of the Austin Stairs.

Jane Hobson has been killed by contact poison in a kitchen in Clare Colony. It is believed the attack was intended for Jim Cameron. Police are keen to keep such vigilante activity under control.

Theo Moore has been discovered dead, face down in a pile of bloodsoaked laundry in his room in Robinson College. Friends were devastated: "It's such a waste", said one neighbour, "He'd only just got them clean and ironed".

A church in Cambridge was besieged by the Press this evening after an alleged miracle. Clare Izard and Austin Donnelly, killed recently in a shootout with police, awoke in the middle of their own funeral and shot their way out of the coffins, pausing only to declare their innocence in the incident which claimed their lives, and commenting that they had "seen to" those responsible in the Next World before coming back. It is believed that they were referring to the late Brian Cowe and Tim Down.

22:03 9/2/95

The Undead Clare Izard was shot this evening leaving the Dancers' Club. The Undead Austin Donnelly attempted to shoot her attacker in revenge, but was also gunned down. Their funerals were conducted immediately, just in case.

Tom Coates of Jesus college was knifed this evening whilst queuing for Burger King, and died of his wounds. Those already inside Burger King were not so fortunate.

14:40 10/2/95

Paul Menage was shot yesterday leaving the CL tower lift, by an assassin armed with an automatic weapon. Two men were seen leaving the scene.

Nick Haley of Trinity Hall was found dead this morning in his room. He had been shot twice in quick succession. Police described the killing as "very professional".

18:40 10/2/95

PC Geoff Tolley is to be presented with an award for bravery for tackling the psychotic duo, Jim Cameron and Elizabeth Pringle. The award will, unfortunately, be posthumous, since he was shot by Jim Cameron just outside the Cockcroft Lift on the New Museums site.

Owen Evans of Clare college has been killed outside his room by Elizabeth Pringle.

Jim and Elizabeth were observed, acting in a suspicious way, outside the room of Adrian Garside, also of Clare college, this evening. The body of Adrian Garside was discovered shortly afterwards, slumped over a computer terminal in the Library. Witnesses said that he was stabbed by Jim Cameron, and that his last words were, "Oh ****, it's after 5.30!", though police are mystified as to the significance of this time. The college computer officer was taken to hospital following the incident, suffering from shock.

21:56 10/2/95

The body of Chris Connor of Trinity Hall has been found in a pool of blood outside his room. Police have identified the murderer as Robin Michaels of Trinity College, and have warned the public to be on their guard.

Today at around 4pm, the wanted criminal Andrew Q Somers was spotted crossing from Trinity Great Gate over to Whewell's Court and entering Whewells' mail room, and was followed in unnoticed.

His killer wishes to apologise to any members of Trinity College resident in Blue Boar Court, Whewell's Court or Wolfson Building for any stains or fragments of Somers' brain that might have inadvertently been left in their pigeonholes.

11:27 12/2/95

At 8pm last night the criminal Jim Cameron was killed in a Trinity Hall hostel. It is believed that he was attempting to kill a member of the police but was recognised and stabbed during his search. Police are said to be "extremely relieved".

Also yesterday evening, the criminal Robin Michaels was shot in the head and chest when he opened his door to A. Sassin. He died instantly.

11:50 12/2/95

Ben Harris was killed yesterday evening at 5:31pm in Cockcroft 4 by a poisoned dart. The death has only just been discovered - passers-by thought he had merely fallen asleep on the keyboard. The contract killer Chris Brown has claimed responsibility for the assassination.

Mr Colin Ross of Churchill college is wanted by the police following a death at Trinity college. The cause of death was poison applied to a doorknob.

18:00 13/2/95

The criminal Elizabeth Pringle continues to wreak her blood-lust on the hapless citizens of Cambridge. Two innocent bystanders were shot in Selwyn JCR. Everybody at the aptly named "Terminal" showing was butchered, and Richard Watts, also of Selwyn college, was found dead today with a throwing star embedded in his back.

22:15 13/2/95

An unnamed student was questioned by police this afternoon after a gun was pulled on him by by a visitor with an accomplice. Apparently he is looking for someone to buy a 'second hand slightly damaged door'. Composite photos constructed by the police bear an uncanny resemblance to Chris Brown and Andrew Bolt.

19:10 14/2/95

The wanted criminal Colin Ross has been apprehended and shot by an anonymous vigilante near his room in Churchill.

An unnamed student has been treated for a gunshot wound to the hand after an attack by Elizabeth Pringle, who received powder burns to the hair.

The police are reeling from the deaths of two of their officers - PC Austin Donnelly, at 5.25pm, and WPC Clare Izard, at 5.31pm. Both were shot at point blank range by Elizabeth Pringle, in the area of the Mond Room, New museums site.

22:30 15/2/95

An attempted St.Valentine's Day massacre appears to have failed yesterday - a number of poisoned tulips were sent out, but no casualties have been reported. At least one of the flowers appears to have mysteriously absorbed the poison, since the recipient reported no ill effects. Other targets appear to have got away with minor symptoms, such as an inability to distinguish tulips from roses.

20:35 16/2/95

The body of Dave Holland has been discovered. His head was blown off by an exploding St. Valentine's Day card, from an "A.Sasin".

17:10 19/2/95

Mr Jonathan Kelt of Clare Hall was killed today by the assassin Aldabra Stoddart, believed to be working for the crime organisation G.R.O.G.G.S. He was shot repeatedly with a silenced pistol, and a witness was slightly injured.

13:45 20/2/95

Cambridge is reeling from a horrific stabbing that occurred just after midday. Police believe that Clive Ponsonby ducked into HMV for protection, fearing that his life was in danger. Some moments later, his suspicions proved correct when the hitman Chris Brooks stabbed him. It is thought that Ponsonby misidentified a passer-by as an assassin, giving Brooks his chance. The motive is unclear but rumours of a protection racket have been circulating.

22:15 20/2/95

Police are searching for Aldabra Stoddart following a poisoning in Wolfson College. The public are warned that she has killed twice and is extremely dangerous.

08:30 21/2/95

The police received the following message this morning

 To whom this may concern:
                          I am Francois Gaudin's computer.  This is a
 program which I have been instructed to run upon my master's death.  At
 07:30 this morning someone entered Francois's room and shot him twice
 in the head before he even had time to properly wake up.  The murderer
 fitted the description of the wanted criminal Aldabra.  The criminal left
 the scene laughing madly and apparently speaking erotically to her gun.
 IBM Personal System 0574776735006/467

The police will be redoubling their efforts to apprehend Aldabra Stoddart, though one officer was quoted as saying that anyone using an IBM personal system through choice had it coming anyway.

21:44 21/2/95

Police tracked down the criminal Elizabeth Pringle today and pursued her from the New Museums Site, but were unable to make an arrest.

23:15 22/2/95

Aldabra Stoddart has continued her reign of terror, killing Richard Kettlewell at 6.10pm and PC David Damerell at 6.20pm. A police enquiry into the death of PC Damerell has recommended that bright orange scarves are not to be worn on duty.

00:05 23/2/95

More news has come in of slaughter by Aldabra Stoddart. Owen Dunn and PC Ian Jackson were shot at 20:05 yesterday in a shop doorway on St. Andrew's Street. Psychologists have suggested that Stoddart is driven by a deep need to kill, but police marksmen have suggested that this is bloody obvious, and can we have some better guns please?

14:10 23/2/95

The police suffered a further loss this morning when PC Adam Branscomb was killed by Elizabeth Pringle. He returned from the shower to find her sitting on his bed, but to his great relief she just shot him.

19:20 23/2/95

The body of John Yeldham was discovered today. His fingers were coated with a dark substance, identified later as poison, which had been left on his doorknob by persons unknown.

13:30 24/2/95

The criminal Elizabeth Pringle has finally been killed. She was located by PC Tim Waugh and PC Rob Wilcox in the Mond Room, disarmed and confined for half an hour. When she eventually escaped, she was shot by Andrew Bolt as she left the Mond Room. Police have commended Mr Bolt for his actions, though they are curious as to why he was waiting outside the Mond Room with an assault rifle.

The police campaign against the criminal Aldabra Stoddart will now be headed by Sergeants Waugh and Wilcox.

14:30 26/2/95

Jon Knight was shot at 5:20pm yesterday as he approached Sainsbury's, by the criminal Aldabra Stoddart. Members of the newsgroup have had a whip-round to reward Stoddart for this public service.

22:10 27/2/95

WPC Elizabeth Pringle was shot today at 18:40 by Aldabra Stoddart on Market Hill. Mr Richard Watts, who was helping WPC Pringle with her enquiries, was also killed. This is the second killing of a Richard Watts in recent days; police believe there may be a pattern. At least, those police who have watched Terminator too many times.

Shortly afterwards John Robinson was also shot in the Cafe Piazza by Stoddart.

20:05 1/3/95

The body of Mark Walter was discovered this afternoon in a Trinity Hostel, clutching a poisoned letter. Police wish to interview Mr Eric Ling of Robinson College about the death.

00:35 3/3/95

Matthew Hartley has been killed by machinegun on a staircase in Jesus College. His assassin left a calling-card, indicating that Mr Hartley had declined a duel.

Chris Tomkinson was brutally murdered at 8.40pm on Wednesday evening, his brains splattered over Queens' bar pool table by a black-clad assassin. Witnesses identified the killer as Joe "Shadow" Pearce.

Paul Bolchover is wanted by police for a gas attack on PC Ponsonby, which was fortunately unsuccesful.

Russell Hughes has been blown up by a bomb placed in his pigeon-hole.

Chris Brooks has been found shot dead, in his bathrobe, near his room in St.John's college.

Lemming Thursday : Suicide wave sweeps town!!

Ben Partridge jumped from the UL tower, dressed like Morrissey and clutching a daffodil.

Andy Mortimer fell under the wheels of the tourist bus - tragically, it didn't crash when it swerved to avoid him.

Chris Timms shot himself due to a work crisis.

Chris Hancock choked to death on Trinity Hall potatoes.

Darien Graham-Smith drowned in Trinity Great Court Fountain after a heavy drinking session.

Ian Bache took his own life after 20 attempts to compile the latest Linux releases.

Martin Crookes died from the effects of the Mill's Organic Scrumpy.

Jung Lee jumped in front of a train after a failed love affair.

Claire Bates was eaten by a rogue helping of Toad-in-the-hole in St.John's Buttery.

Jim Kirton has gone to a better place. Anywhere would be better than Cripps Court, Queens'.

Henry Whaley overdosed on caffeine and was peeled from the ceiling by medics this evening.

A. Sassin died of boredom in a long Sainsbury's queue.

22:45 3/3/95

A. Sassin has been miraculously resurrected by a Voodoo ceremony calling upon Baron Samedi, involving the sacrifice of an economy size pack of chicken Quorn (tm).

18:20 4/3/95

Police have launched a nationwide search for Nigel Harris, after PC Ben Harris was shot this morning in his room. He was apparently deceived into opening the door to give Nigel Harris information on the wanted criminal Aldabra Stoddart.

Panic broke out later in the morning at the Chemistry labs when PC Jay Foad was also cold-bloodedly gunned down by Nigel Harris. The reason for this sudden psychotic behaviour is not yet known.

There has been a bloodbath at Trinity Hall this afternoon. Three innocent students were shot by Joe Pearce in a shared living room. Mr Pearce was described by shocked neighbours as 'a quiet fellow, kept himself to himself; though he was always very fond of his collection of automatic weapons.

22:25 4/3/95

Two murders have been reported on the New Museums Site. The identities of the victims are, as yet, unknown. The killer was identified as the criminal Eric Ling. The motive is uncertain, but there are rumours of a vendetta with another assassin.

17:30 5/3/95 - Cop-Killer on the Rampage

Anarchy has broken out on the streets of Cambridge today as the police force has been all but wiped out in a horrific series of murders. Nigel Harris has single-handedly killed all but one of the Cambridge police. In the absence of law and order, vigilantes are taking matters into their own hands. Outbreaks of looting have been reported, and ministers have called for the army to step in.

Harris claims to be acting under orders from his superiors, calling himself '007 of MI6'. A spokesman for the security forces has denied all involvement, and denies that MI6 even exists.

PC Tim Clapp was stabbed through the heart outside his room.

PC Adrian Garside died in similar fashion; a lady friend was taken to hospital screaming and in shock after watching him die in a pool of blood.

Reports are still awaited on the fate of the other police.

The sole survivor of the massacre, Sgt Rob Wilcox, has sworn revenge for the death of his colleagues. He is keen to recruit new officers to deal with the menace.

Members of Queens' college have been stunned by the killing of Mark Pattison, who was found dead from poisoning this morning. The police will not be investigating because they are all dead.

19:00 6/3/95

As order is slowly restored to Gotham City Cambridge, reports have been arriving that recount the fate of the late members of the police force:

At 21:40 on Friday 03/03/95 Sgt Tim Waugh was double-tapped after the killer burst into his room.

At 21:44 Tom Coates was brought to the door, engaged in conversation about the criminal Aldabra Stoddart, then suffered a terminal cardiac arrest, ably initiated by a salvo of bullets to the heart.

At 22:04 Harris entered the room of PC Adrian Garside, then proceeded to slit him open with a Gerber Mark 2 combat knife. His girlfriend allegedly watched in awe, but Harris declined her request to stay for a night-cap.

Harris then claims to have had "a succession of dry Martini's, shaken not stirred, in the College Bar."

At 24:07 he entered Mark Davey's room and kept his AK 47 trained on Mark, while he started the Ezekiel 21, 15 passage on his CD player.

... and I will strike down, with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my fellow agents (sic), and you will know that my name is the Lord, when I lay my vengeance upon you....

At which point he placed two bullets in the centre of each of Davey's vital organs.

At 08:45 on Saturday 04/03/95, he kicked open Nick Haley's door and drew a dotted face on top of his face, to go with his double tapped bindi.

               . << double tapped bindi
           .      .
           .      .
            .    .

At 08:57 Harris called to check on Ben Harris's health and was shocked to find him pasted against his wall. Then he remembered that his 12 bore shotgun had a habit of doing that.

At 09:55 he dissected Jay Foad's reassembled grey matter with a burst of small calibre bullets from his Uzi automatic, on his exit from a computing lecture. The Scott Polar Research Institute is reported to be very upset about the mess on the outside of its windows.

At 11:01 he read the "Trespassers will be dissected" sign on Owen "Legion" Evans door, shot him and a witness repeatedly in the heart, then contributed the rest of their bodies to medical science.

At 11:30 Jamie Wood was somehow brought to his door. He was already very dead, after an obviously successful attempt at alcohol poisoning at the Rag Event the night before, but Harris cut out his liver and ate it with some Fava beans anyway.

At 13:30 the door to Colin Ross's room was unlocked with a blast from a 12 bore, Colin was liquidated, then Harris used the Internet access in his room to send a report back to MI6. Or he would have done if MI6 existed. Which it doesn't. The government says so, so it must be true.

At 13:50 Harris gained access to Clive Ponsonby's room, and blew his brains out. Nevertheless thus handicapped he managed to get a blade in the Bumps that afternoon.

At 14:00 he called by Sgt Rob Wilcox's room to ask him for some information about Aldabra Stoddart. He was however unwilling to come to the door, because, "someone had shot several police in the last few hours." This caution saved Wilcox's life.

Harris claims that MI6 is particularly interested in recruiting Aldabra Stoddart, and that she is welcome to call round for an interview any time.

13:30 8/3/95

The wanted criminal Paul Bolchover has been killed in a poison attack. At least three assassins have claimed responsibility - apparently Mr Bolchover had many enemies in the criminal community.

Joe Pearce massacred 9 people in Robinson college in the early hours of Tuesday. Six were shot in the JCR, whilst cowering behind the pool table and begging for their lives. A porter who came to investigate was also killed. Still unsatified, Pearce then proceeded to the computer room and shot three more innocent victims.

A bedder in Robinson college also died by poisoning. The criminal Eric Ling has claimed responsibility. A similar death has occurred in Jesus college - Aldabra Stoddart is believed to be the culprit.

In the light of continuing outbreaks of violence, PC Andrew Somers has been recruited by the police.

Fitzwilliam college was in mourning today following the tragic death of Miss Sally Martin. As she was cycling down Castle Hill, her brakes failed and she plunged through the window of the corner florists into a display of lilies. Police arriving on the scene described it as "Tasteful and well balanced, with not too much foliage and good colour harmony".

19:40 8/3/95

The bodies of Chris Brown and Andrew Bolt were discovered today, each slumped against a computer screen. It appears that they died from exhaustion after playing DOOM deathmatch for a week non-stop. Police have advised parents about the dangers of videogame addiction.

PC Andrew Somers has been found dead, face down in a toilet bowl, in Trinity college. Nigel Harris has claimed responsibility. PC Chris Brown and WPC Sally Martin will be taking over Somers' duties.

21:15 9/3/95

Aldabra Stoddart has claimed another victim: Mike Anderson was gassed today when he returned to his room after a gun battle with Stoddart. The area has been sealed off to allow the gas to disperse safely. It is believed to be a nerve agent obtained illegally from a weapons dump in the USA.

Datasheets have been obtained giving instructions in case of attack by the gas:

 3.1.17 Gas defence procedures
 a) If standard-issue gasmasks are available these must be worn and will
    give protection.
 b) If masks are not available, do nothing. You will die.

14:30 11/3/95

The slaughter continues in Robinson College - Eric Ling has again gone on the rampage, killing two people in the JCR and another in the computer room. A bomb left for Ling killed Mr Phil Gaudoin of Robinson College.

More bombs have been planted around the town in an apparent terrorist campaign. A passerby defused another bomb in Robinson College, but keeled over and died shortly afterwards. A lethal poison was found on the bomb. Three more bombs were defused or safely detonated in Trinity College and St.John's College this morning.

A. Sassin of Jesus college died today after visiting PC Anderson - poison had been left on the doorknob. His corpse was then shot by Aldabra Stoddart 'just to make sure'.

A member of Trinity Hall college was also poisoned by gas at 9am this morning- the nerve agent used suggests that Aldabra Stoddart is responsible. PC Brown will be investigating as soon as he gets out of bed.

PC Anderson also tragically died today in a road accident, when he collided with a car whilst cycling. He was catapulted through the air into the deep-fat fryer of the Market Square burger van. The proprieters said they knew their chips were good, but had never seen anyone that keen before.

22:40 12/3/95

The criminal Eric Ling was killed at 17:45 today by an unknown vigilante, who shot him in his room in Robinson College. The college authorities are said to be 'very relieved' - the Bursar was quoted as saying 'Thank God, do you realize how much it was costing in cleaning bills and replastering?'. This reaction was felt by some to be premature, since the criminal Joe Pearce of Robinson is still at large.

08:15 16/3/95

Nigel "007" Harris has struck again: Chuan-Tze "Anarchy" Teo now lies motionless next to Titan the Cat, by the screens outside Hall at Trinity College. His identification and stealthy pursuit preceded his brain's absorption of a prototype diamond bullet, fired by a dinner-jacketed assassin with a diamond gun, who dissolved into the night air. More deaths are expected when he recrystallizes. Materials scientists have dubbed him "The Man With The Implausible Gun".

Harris was previously thought to be dead, following a blazing gun battle with PC Jim Cameron. Cameron was attacked by Harris, and the resulting crossfire of bullets removed a large part of the corridor in Castle House. Cameron was taken to an intensive care hospital ward and treated for multiple gunshot and 'flu.

23:00 17/3/95

Joe "Shadow" Pearce finally fell victim to Nigel Harris this evening, when he was shot through an open window. A swift parting of the curtains was the last event Pearce saw before high velocity lead deactivated his criminal mind.

PC Chris Brown was killed this afternoon outside his room by Aldabra Stoddart.

09:00 20/3/95

Shockwaves echoed around the criminal fraternity this morning when arch-villain Aldabra Stoddart was shot by Nigel Harris. Police feared that, with all opposition out of the way, Harris would take over the town, but fortunately it's the end of term, and the end of the game.

Mr A. Sassin has requested that his real name be removed from thenews.

Congratulations to Nigel on winning the game.

Guild Homepage / The Archive / Lent 1995 / Game News
Please email the maintainer with any comments about the site.