Game News

Day 3

Seth (James Green) tried to kill Brave Sir Robin the 3.3rd (David Hammond) at 00:00:00 on Saturday
Brave Sir Robin the 3.3rd reports:
A little curiosity to ponder over.

Having resigned, etc., I left the Sidney library by the non-secure
route, and saw Seth just sitting there on a wall. We stared at each
other. But he didn't try to shoot me, even though I'm fairly sure he
was at that time unaware of my resignation. Most peculiar.

Axolotl (Naomi Foster) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 00:00:12 on Saturday
Axolotl reports:
The Dragon and the Toxteth Mafia were hanging out in Ed Pringle's room. We were kindly showing him our mighty weapons of death when he turned them against us. How treacherous! I shot him before he did any significant damage.
A non-player reports:

I was returning from a bracing evening stroll this evening when I encountered 3 dubious characters outside the door to my abode. As I watched from a discrete distance, the door was opened and some poor member of our community was shot dead on the doorstep. Instead of berating the three miscreants as to their incompetence, I invited them inside for a polite conciliatory drink.

It was there, perusing them while they sipped their "water" that into my head came an idea. I borrowed one of their weapons, and while ostensibly checking it, quite by happenstance, appeared to level at them. I then proceeded with joy unbounded to explain by what quirk of rules I was able to join the game at midnight exactly. They looked at their watches and appeared decidedly unhappy. Poor things. They should know better than that, especially with my inability to remain pokerfaced for long about anything.

I shot a few bands (only hitting one member) before relieving them of their stress by assuring them that they were indeed still very much alive and only victims to my appalling sense of humour. I was then promptly shot, which although irritating, was probably the correct course of action.

May I offer my congratulations to the victorious party

Yours Sincerely,


The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) tried to kill Harland Quinn (Stu Gill) at 00:15:10 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
Sitting comfortably in Ed's room I suddenly heard Harland Quinn asking:"Ed, are you in?", whereupon Ed suggested:"Stu, if I was you, I'd run like hell", whilst I darted out of the room firing a few rubber bands without even seeing Stu.
He then made his 3000 ready downstairs and came up the stairs again halfway. I proceeded to throw some carrot-knives at him, but missed as did his volleys from his cps.
Then I borrowed a hankerchief from Ed, but just when I prepared a gas-grenade he claimed it back.
Stu used that moment to escape to his room and the fighting ceased.
Wherupon we fled from Braeside.
Harland Quinn reports:
Got home from killing Ed and Matt,
Expecting Bjoern to be abouts,
So it was no suprise to hear on my return,
The command run, amongst my neighbours shouts.

I went to join the linguists party,
A drank for a while longer yet,
Then returned and crept past back into my room,
And they sculked away as I slept.

Love and huggles and bad verse,
Harland Quinn - aka Toad of Toad Hall (Hint hint come to the play)

Your local Auto Umpire expert speaks: I have now implemented a feature that means that the news pages (all of them) should load into your browsers much quicker. This will be slightly more important towards the end of the game, where the database will be several times as big. Occasionally, when you load the news page, it will need to recreate it (if data has changed since last time). If this is the case, you can expect speeds equal to those you have been used to up until now. - Umpire.

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Macvities (Kien Hoang) at 10:19:01 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
Running out of biscuits, I went over to Magdalene to find Mavities.
First try:
Enter the staircase, walk up towards his room, hear someone coming down, run out of staircase and wait.
Second try:
Enter staircase, hear that same person coming back up from the basement, run out of staircase and wait.
Third try:
Enter staircase, hear weird slapping noise, discover it is Kien's half open door, walk in, shoot him first in the arm then with two more shots to the chest.

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Withnail (Serge Lewis) at 10:49:15 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
Hadn't been in Christs' for some time, so I went to visit Morag. She was in and I heard two people inside talking about having to go.
I assumed it was Kelpie and Macavitiy, so I waited round a corner and jumped around when they came out.
Someone that didn't look anything like Macavity (though he was costumed as a cat) caught most of the shots.
I didn't know, who he was, but luckily he turned out to be Withnail, so I had actually not killed an innocent.
I thought I had hit Morag as well, so I let her past, but as soon as she had reached the saftey of the bathroom, she explained that I hadn't.

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Kelpie (Morag Gray) at 11:04:15 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
With Morag hiding in the bathroom, I took a position just outside, but then I suddenly heard noises that suggested she might be climbing out of a window, so I ran round the building to discover there weren't any.
Back at the front Serge had brought Morag lightsabre and Big-Bad-Bow. Due to their clothes I couldn't use my cps, so I kept to non-messy weapons.
After quite some time, I retreated a bit, because they had to go to some event and of course because I hoped I could still somehow manage to kill the Kelpie.
After some more time, I ran to the other side of the building, while they used that moment to walk of in the other direction, so that I suddenly appeared behind them.
Morag starts walking towards me with her crossbow.
I claim:"I can dodge that"
Closing in she asks:"At what range?"
At the edge of my range I fire a shot that she easily dodges, then she fires and I dodge as well.
Now she has no shot loaded, I have 11, so I charge and empty all of them into her.

(Matt Laycock) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 13:05:00 on Saturday
Applications are now being accepted for the post of Dean at Caius College, Cambridge. Candidates should express a keen interest in rowing but should not try to shoot members of the college with medium calibre weapons upon hearing of their failure to bump. Especially when said members are better armed and more accurate...

Maud Adams (Claire Bordenave) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 13:15:06 on Saturday
Maud Adams reports:
Went to see Mr Laycock. Too late. But the day wasn't lost : a suspicious character with a nerf vortex was spotted on the bridge. He was then gunned down (in the back - pffff...) by a man with a XP-50. Who was gunned down by me... in the heart :)

Axolotl (Naomi Foster) tried to kill Cat (Liz Elliott) at 14:00:00 on Saturday
Cat reports:
I like phones. Very useful invention, those.

Maud Adams (Claire Bordenave) killed Aizen (Matthew Monaghan) at 14:10:42 on Saturday
Aizen reports:
Suffering a terminal lack of paranoia I didn't lock my door after I got up this morning.
Claire kindly pointed this out to me by opening it and shooting me in the back as I was at my computer.
It won't happen again.
Maud Adams reports:
Knowing the legendary E-staircase from last term, we wanted to see how F-staircase Fitz was going to be. So we stormed it, shooting Mr Monaghan through the doorframe. The Fireman wasn't in. Liz phoned someone so we exited. About 1 second from splitting into a sniping position by the wall and a fortified wall behind the tree, that someone, a Mr Green, opened fire on the innocent Mr J Doe, also hitting Axototl and myself. As the Fireman emerged from the showers.
We're confident from what he was carrying that he is excellent value for money at work. :)

Seth (James Green) killed Axolotl (Naomi Foster) at 14:12:03 on Saturday
Seth reports:
Well Maud wasn't alone in trying to kill people at Fitz, fitting
she didn't die alone.
Axolotl reports:
My death was part of a failed attempt to ambush his room. Alerted by a 'phone call Seth appeared with a large gun and shot Claire first, giving me the chance to get out my weapon, but I was shot before I had time to respond. Blood splattered the concrete.

Seth (James Green) mashed a non-player at 14:12:16 on Saturday
Seth reports:
Well it seems the ever innocent J Doe was helping the Newnham
Girls, he was also standing right between them when I started firing
well nine more to go, but I doubt he was unarmed.

Seth (James Green) killed Maud Adams (Claire Bordenave) at 14:12:25 on Saturday
Seth reports:
Well things got interesting this afternoon. Got a phone call, a
quiet voice told me an assassin was on her corridor. Well this
presented a problem since my guns are naff, problem solved by borrowing
heavy calibre gun off random non-player, walk out of corridor after
arming it, see people start to move, not fast enough though and they
all die.

Christopher Robin (Matthew Wakeling) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 14:15:00 on Saturday
Christopher Robin reports:
Hmm. I suppose I should really have warned Susan not to play with my weapons.
A non-player reports:
Hummmmppphhh....It was an unloaded gun which I was try to figure out how it worked. So matthew was just being un-gentlemanly. Humph.
And he denied me the oppurtunity to kill other random people..Humph.
Maybe unloaded weapons shouldn't count if the killer knows they are. *glare*

Seth (James Green) attempted suicide at 15:21:02 on Saturday
Seth reports:
I hope the umpire can remove me before I come back to life
Can't be doing with watching my back and having NO WORKING WATERGUNS.
Want to live out May week in peace. Sorry to those who wanted to kill
me, I know there were quite a few. Oh and for those who wanted to know
I was at Sidney lastnight but I play defencively, hence didn't shoot
Dave, same reason I didn't shoot Kathy on thursday with her parents.
Humph. It would make it easier if you want to retire, if you report it as a failed suicide. This prevents me having to fail your suicide, and rerun the database. *sigh* Okay, you have been retired. - Umpire.

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 20:30:29 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
Having just participated in the punt race, I was standing outside the mill with Maud Adams, when the members of Gothsoc started leaving the protected zone.
They had got us as wet as we got them (i.e. by means of submersion, water-weapons, water-bombs...), so we were quite happy to see they were openly carrying their water-guns. Muhahhhahhahhhahahah !
We decided to split the kills up fairly and then charged.
The first one fell before he even noticed.

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 20:30:36 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
The second Goth I shot had a Storm Force-2 that wasn't even pumped, so he couldn't even retaliate.

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 20:30:41 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
The third one had a 50 that wasn't much use against my 1000.

Maud Adams (Claire Bordenave) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 20:31:00 on Saturday
Maud Adams reports:
The Goths came walking one by one,
The first was floored with a gatling gun.

Maud Adams (Claire Bordenave) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 20:31:10 on Saturday
Maud Adams reports:
The second was also heavily armed
And was similarly fatally harmed.

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 20:31:11 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
The fourth one had just picked up a gun, which was the last mistake of his life.

Maud Adams (Claire Bordenave) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 20:31:20 on Saturday
Maud Adams reports:
The third's armement was poor,
Too bad Cthulu'd declared Holy War.

Maud Adams (Claire Bordenave) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 20:31:30 on Saturday
Maud Adams reports:
The fourth tried to run away past Dept. of Pure Maths
But was too slow for the pursuing psychopaths

Maud Adams (Claire Bordenave) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 20:32:30 on Saturday
Maud Adams reports:
Their Champion Lord Nhudri then emerged with a heavy Storm,
So i spilt his guts which were surprisingly warm.
A non-player reports:
Well, Nhudri HAD tackled Matt, and they both fell in the Cam... And come back to try and capsize the punt... Therefore, I had no remorse in taking all this gothic carrion to feed the Killer Octopus.
Once blooded, it has become uncontrollable in its rage to forage for itself. Having been weaned on gun-toters it will recognise these alone as food, especially their brains




Oh no!!! It even wishes to reproduce!!!!!

yours sincerely,

Herr Akkomplitz der Oktopusmeister Von Greinsleimhytentakel

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 20:32:40 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
When I thought we had shot all legal targets suddenly one of the still alive Goths (next to whom I had dropped a 10 litre water-bomb in the race), picked up Alex Cairns' (whom I failed to kill, as Claire had been quicker) big storm and charged me, dying not much later.

Maud Adams (Claire Bordenave) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 20:35:00 on Saturday
Maud Adams reports:
Two minutes and thirty seconds had passed before
Emma's sworded guts were added to the pub door

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 21:02:04 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
All armed innocents seemed dead now, but then the Sri-Lanka society's punts came back quite late with 2 1500 on board.
They took quite some time before leaving the safety zone, but were dispatched as they walked up Mill lane one by Claire, one by me.

Pope Innocent XV (Claire Bordenave) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 21:02:47 on Saturday
Pope Innocent XV reports:
Inspecting the Vatican's vast wealth
I felt that not enough heads had rolled
So I approached a Sri-Lankan 1500 with stealth
And bashed his off with a bar of gold.

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 21:10:04 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
Two girls left the saftey zone carrying small squirty pistols, which resulted in me sneaking up on them an shooting the left one first...

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 21:10:05 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
...and the second one just an instant later.
(Matt Laycock) reports:
I was there, I saw it all. It was horrible, the blood staining the street, the screams of the dying, the wails of those left behind.. Oh the humanity!
The merciless killers slaughtered their victims as they left the safe area. One by one they fell, many of Cambridge's finest students (and a load of Goths) were reduced to a pathetic heap of human remains, soiling the pavement.

I would have joined in but I was too busy laughing....
Brave Sir Robin the 3.3rd (David Hammond) reports:
Yes, I did indeed witness the massacre of umpteen armed innocents this
afternoon, as I basked in my immortality. Claire and Bjorn both got
7-8 weapons-bearing-innoecnts each as they foolishly left the safety
of the docks, as well as tormeting the corpse of the late Lord Nhudri
(please correct spelling if necessary). I even saw much unpleasantry
involving a gold-plated brick, and threats about the usage of a
particulary nasty-sounding octopus.

Well, anyway, I assume the scoring system will deal with this
appropriately by halving the number of points they get for each
legal innocent kill or something, cos otherwise things are going to
get silly.

We did, of course, defend the honour of the guild appropriately
from our punt (ie with grossly superior firepower and multi-litre
water bombs).

Oh, and Ed caused the complete immersion of Bjorn during the punt-race
(ie in the no-kill zone). Not sure if this qualifies as subsequent
long-term poisoning (at least in game terms...).

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 21:15:04 on Saturday
The Dragon reports:
I was about to go back to Harvey Court, when a girl with a 175 came from one of the punts and walked towards Silver street.
I sneaked up behind her and cowardly shot her from behind.
Some people claim to have heard her scream from 100 metres away.
A non-player reports:
The girl with a 175 entered the alleyway, the silent psycho tiptoesprinting behind. Five seconds later, there was a high-pitched scream. I then saw the smile on his face *faints*

J Doe

Aizen (Matthew Monaghan) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 23:45:42 on Saturday
Aizen reports:
While spending an enjoyable night in watching cartoons the Infamous Jon Sharp started playing with the multitude of elastic bands we had lying around to protect us from nasty people who attack at 12:30 in the morning.
Big mistake.

News from day 2 (Friday) * News from day 4 (Sunday) * Back to main page.