Assassins' Guild Lent 2001: Days 5 to 11

Monday, 29th January

01:00 — SWAT Chief found to be corrupt.

The Police Forsensics and Intelligence division has revealed the preliminary findings of its internal investigation into the alleged corruption of Commander Mario "Sniper" Sainz-Martinez. The report concludes that the trail of intimidation, misuse of power, and obstruction of duty leads to the very top of the force's chain of command, to the Commander of SWAT himself. Commander Sniper has therefore been made wanted for corruption, and Chief Claire "Incorruptible" Bordenave promoted to the rank of Commander-in-Chief of the Police Force.

When asled about these charges, ex-Commander Sniper supplied the following words:

A parallel investigation into the mafia connections of PC Alex "Bud White" Wood has revealed that he too has been co-operating with the notorious criminal Simon "Dial Emma for Murder" Ford. PC Bud White has been convicted of corruption, and is also now wanted. Perhaps this explains the problems the police have suffered in trying to neutralise Simon Ford...

New evidence has shed more light on the background of the Sniper Affair: Before the start of the game, Sniper asked the umpires whether he could have a secret police force, which would then infiltrate mafias etc. He was denied this request. At around that time, he received a series of emails from DEfM in which he was prodding Sniper to assess his potential level of corruption. Sniper hadn't been paying much attention to these, but after the umpires denied him of his little toy spies, he did strike a deal with Simon. He made a pact with the Emma mafia so that he could use them as a Black Ops team, who would perform any illegal actions he needed. He wanted to use them to blackmail police officers by threatening their lives and to infiltrate and destroy mafias. In return he promised to protect the Emma mafia from the police. He also created the SWAT team for the purpose of steering political happenings and such.

When Dial Emma for Murder went wanted, Sniper told him that the Emma mafia could kill any policemen except Claire and the SWAT team (Ribena, Editor, and Bud White). However DEfM had already attacked the other Chief of Police, who then handed evidence against the traitor that she had on to the DIA. Sniper then met with the criminal and they organized a SWAT raid for the following morning, in which Chief Incorruptible was supposed to get killed. But for some reason (healthy paranoia, I'd say) she didn't turn up and the plot was slowly revealed on that day.

In order to fight corruption in our police force, a new recruitment drive has been started. PC Plodge and PC Sheepy Tim have now joined the quest for law and order on the streets of Cambridge.

The Umpires would like to take a moment to reiterate the following rules:

  1. Police may not assist other assassins in their attacks on players unless targetting a wanted criminal.
  2. Corrupt Policemen may not attack any person, excepting wanted criminals, and may fight only in defence of their own life.
  3. Dead assassins have not been reincarnated as police until they appear on the police list.
  4. Dead accomplices should remain so.
  5. Poisoned blackmail letters MUST be checked with the Umpires before they are sent.
  6. Assassins who apply contact poison anywhere except inside player's rooms or pigeonholes may be made wanted for endangering the lives of innocent people.

05:30 — Explosion in Pembroke

This morning Isobel "Teleute" Barry was blown up by a bomb from The Unusual Suspect. States the bomber:

How does he manage to get up at such an ungodly time, when normal people have just gone to bed? Teleute doesn't seem to know:

Teleute is now a policewoman.

Teleute's poisoned letters continue to turn up though their sender lies now beyond the grave. The Duck Molester provided the following excerpt from its personal log:

05:30 — Dead men walking

"The Unusual Suspect" mutiliated the corpse of Michael "Bunyip" Cox.

17:14 — Red Squad threatens the Pembroke mafia

Another rather unsuccessful attempt to kill Malibu Man with a poisoned letter:

19:30 — Bobbybags(TM) on the beat

The wanted criminal Simon "Dial Emma for Murder" (DEfM) Ford continues to leave behind him a trail of blood:

'Tis ungentlemanly to shoot those who no longer take part in this game. Take note, assassins.

After this attack by the Emma mafia PC Plodge was shaken, but still stirred:

In response to Commander Sniper's treason, and hence his share of responsibility for the slaughtering of the police force, officials have considered reintroducing the traditional (but rather horrid) penalty for traitors: partial hanging, disembowelment, followed by decapitation and finally being cut into 4 pieces with an axe.

Meanwhile Dial Emma for Murder (DEfM) went on unchallenged.

If he insists... PC Bud White is now not only WANTED, but those who get him should also DELIVER DEAD OR NOT ALIVE! Insisting on becoming even more wanted shows that he hasn't read the bit about what to do with traitors.

Having seen these news, the courageous Maverick sent the following letter to DEfM:

20:00 — Wrath of the Righteous

In a very recommendable act of civil action Jehova's Witness tried to blow up the corrupt police officer Commander Sniper.

This design sounds somewhat familiar...

Tuesday, 30th January

Police recruitment currently just about balances the casulties inflicted by DEfM. To counter today's expected losses, PC Cookie Monster and Agent Big Yellow Rubber Duck have joined the police force. Hopefully they can help to wash the taint of corruption out of the police force, preferably with lots of blood.

Delirium's wounds following a fight with the Emma mafia had been believed to be fatal, however when he was rushed to Addenbroke's, the skills their staff had honed while treating dozens of injured assassins every year enabled them to save his life. He will leave hospital today at 16:00. Until then he cannot be killed, nor can he kill, but then he'll get a new license to kill...
He will be given new targets and assassins. Watch out when you meet him, he might be after you now!

Doctors believe his surprising recovery was possible due to the fact that he was coshed by a non-assassin, before the assassin tried to finish him off. In such unskilled hands the deadly weapons of an assassin become mere toys that hardly do any damage. Seeing as he therefore wasn't actually unconcious, he was able to put himself into a deep meditation that enabled him to survive the gunshot.

09:00 — Bomb squad at work

"Shadow" tried to blow up The Mole, but the intended victim was on his guard.

The perpetrator of this plot reports:

13:00 — The streets run red with blood

"Supernova" cut out the heart of Krunal "Notorious" Jashapara

16:00 — More illegal operations

Renegade police officer Commander Sniper tried to retaliate against Jehova's Witness.

Note: Police officers may not use indirect weapons such as bombs or contact poison, unless they get into the room of a wanted criminal. Hence even if this attack had succeeded it would have been invalid.

You can't: Police officers may not attack players unless the players are bearing weapons or have just fired at the police officer. Police officers will at least become wanted for such attacks and might even be suspended.

18:30 — They called him the Lone Deranger

"Shadow" assassinated the terminally incautious John "The Lone Deranger" Morton. According to the assassin:

23:45 — Police numbers falling yet again

Wanted criminal Simon "Dial Emma for Murder" Ford has poisoned yet another Officer of the Law: PC David "Jasper McKintley" Knipe. In the killer's words:

The cautious PC "Teleute" was well aware of the threat of contact poisoning, and dealt with the deadly chemicals safely, but PC "Jasper McKintley" was not so careful:

Wednesday, 31st January

16:00 — DEfM runs away

Dial Emma for murder for once failed to kill The Horrible rock monster

17:10 — Simon Ford is no more!

At last! Simon "Dial Emma for Murder" Ford's reign of terror has been singlehandedly brought to an end by the valient work of PC Alex "Cookie Monster" Churchill. But first yet another police officer had to die:

The officer reports:

In recognition of his sterling work, PC "Cookie Monster" has been promoted to the rank of Inspector.

Thursday, 1st February

13:00 — Poisoned Letter #1 and another criminal

Today VANGO used a dispicable way of opening his post.

I always thought, the rules were very clear on this subject:
If you are responsible for the death of an innocent victim (see rule on Permissible Targets) then you are put on the Wanted List (a public file containing the names and addresses of known criminals). Getting other people to open your mail/door for you will make you responsible for them. (Section 9.0 Innocent Victims)

As VANGO himself explains, he suspected the letter could be poisoned, but still handed it to his friend in the hope his assassin would be wanted. For her gruesome, coldblooded and premeditated murder Simon "VANGO" Cosgrove is now on the wanted list.

14:00 — Poisoned Letter #2

Beakachu survived a poisoned letter

14:30 — Poisoned Letter #3

Ich will sterben... survived a poisoned letter, this one from Dream

14:35 — Poisoned(?) Letters #4, 5 & 6

Jehova's Witness survived yet another poisoned letter

However Jehova's Witness was not the only one to receive such a card...

Commander Sniper got one as well:

Accepting that offer might not be very healthy for Jehova's Witness, because Commander Sniper is quite well armed.

Do you notice something? Yes, exactly poisoned letters don't work very well, because everybody is beyond paranoid about any bit of paper they see. Why don't you just shoot your targets?

14:50 — Poisoned Letter #7

Yawn, another letter, this one to The Shadow

14:55 — Finally a direct attempt

Jehova's Witness went over to Manhatten's room once more.

And this from the still alive Manhatten:

15:00 — Ducks aveneged

The Duck Molester was brutally mowed down by The beautiful dead man's heavy machine gun. Apparently unconcerned college officials commentend:"That was just one more of those killings amongst mafia hitmen, we don't want to get ourselves involved in that. We're just happy that they kill each other."

Despite categorical denials by the ducks of John's, the brutality of the murder fuels speculations that the ducks hired the killer.

The assassin had an impressive arsenal, that sounds like a pro. How could the ducks afford someone this expensive?

22:00 — Rogue police officer kills PC

Renegade police officer Commander Sniper killed PC Lenny, who attempted to remove his corrupt colleague.

Eventually most bedders get used to it, but then they might join the police and actually kill you...

The memorial service for PC Lenny, who died a brave death in the line of duty, will take place this sunday in Trinity chapel. Commander Sniper's unfounded allegations against Chief Incorruptible prompted her to issue the following statement:

23:00 — Wanted criminal on the loose

VANGO killed The Moose Caboose,

23:55 — Monsterous attack

In an seemingly unrelated incident greenmonster tried to kill John Galt, but failed.

Friday, 2nd February

12:00 — Vengeance of the John's mafia

Witnesses witnessed the end of Jehova's Witness by the hands of Manhatten, who had tracked his assassin down.

Shocked witnesses said that the killer had followed the victim out of lectures and then shot him with a cap gun. However all they remembered about the attacker was that his face was mostly hidden by a John's scarf. Jehova's Witness was identified as Tom Garnett of Jesus College.

12:00 — Muffy gets practical

Mat "Muffy the Umpire Flayer" Laycock murdered Iceman's stunt double.

What did Muffy mean by 99.99%?

Unfortunately for Muffy, this was the unluckly one in ten thousand, and so Mat Laycock is now wanted for the murder of an innocent bystander.

14:55 — Muffy the cop slayer

Wanted criminal Mat "Muffy the Umpire Flayer" Laycock killed Commander-in-Chief "Incorruptible". The victim reports:

16:00 — Muffy on the rampage

Mat "Muffy the Umpire Flayer" Laycock killed PC "Big Don".

Mat "Muffy the Umpire Flayer" Laycock killed PC "Potato Head".

Mat "Muffy the Umpire Flayer" Laycock tried to contact poison PC "Big Yellow Rubber Duck" and Inspector "Cookie Monster", but they both survived. A poor innocent didn't though.

Mat "Muffy the Umpire Flayer" Laycock killed PC "Editor", but only on the second attempt.

Having survived this attempt, the police officer went on the offensive:

Mat "Muffy the Umpire Flayer" Laycock killed Superintendent Harry "Snapper" Organs of Q division in Caius JCR. Both umpires watched this attack and were highly amused seeing as they hadn't warned the police officer, who really deserved all he got. Harry "Snapper" Organs had no chance at all, because there wasn't any toilet nearby he could have hidden in.

19:40 — Muffy strikes once more

The extremely wanted criminal Mat "Muffy the Umpire Flayer" Laycock's lastest victim is PC "Plodge". The cold-blooded master of disguise describes his deeds thusly:

Will no one stop this nefarious fiend? And all the other criminals? The still wanted (why does nobody manage to kill him?) and corrupt Commander Sniper seems quite happy about these events:

The umpires would also like to remind all police officers that they must remove any criminals in their own college within one week or they will be considered corrupt. After all killing people in your own college is normally quite easy.

Clarification: Police officers are not allowed to use indirect weapons, unless they get a wanted criminals room or they stay around (e.g. put bomb on door, knock and hide around corner). Police officers may not use gas under any circumstances, because it endangers innocents.

Dead police officers will be considered for resurrection (if they are interested) just before the incompetents get put on the wanted list at the end of next week.

21:02 — Terrorism

In a ruthless act of terrorism Jamie 'Lloyd' Douglass gassed "Ich will sterben..."'s girlfriend. He is now wanted.

However the target was not alone in his room.

And now further explanations for the criminal's deeds:

Saturday, 3rd February

12:40 — Murder for brunch

Vango was executed by SvenskMoose, after attempting the Moose's assassination whilst inappropriately armed.

Since every player has thoroughly examined the rules, there is no need for me to mention that it is explicitly stated that stainless steel cutlery is not an approved weapon. Vango's killer reports:

The police force has recruited another officer. PC Dilemma formerly a deranged criminal, now reformed and law-abiding, will help to bring down wanted criminals, most especially the corrupt policeman PC Bud White of his own college, the vicious cop-killer Muffy, and of course the evil Commander Sniper, who is probably even now scheming in order to have the police force eradicated.

23:00 — Demons on the loose

The demonic Beakachu didn't manage to claim Uh's soul, but shot his accomplice instead.

The door protected him sufficently.

And this from the intended victim:

These are probably the longest reports about a failed attempt that the umpires have seen lately.

And this is what the now dead innocent has to say:

23:56 — Failed arrest

Beakachu came very close to apprehending the wanted criminal Lloyd

Sunday, 4th February

With four criminals at large we are probably looking forward to an interesting sunday, traditionally the most deadly day of the week. Already the first report of crimes has come in, but police investigators have now come to believe that it was none of the already wanted players, who contact poisoned Dream's door handle.

Could whoever is responsible for this please own up to his attempt? Oh, before I forget about it: you can already tart killing cops, because you are wanted.

21:00 — Shadow becomes a shadow

Supernova killed the highly dangerous Adrian John 'Shadow' Proctor.

And so ends the life of Shadow, who had claimed 4 kills in his short carreer. He has however joined the police now.

[ index | pre-game | days 1 to 4 | days 5 and to 11 | days 12 to 21 | days 22 to 32 | day 33 and later | The Duel ]