Hi! Just wanted to report an assassination attempt by someone
calling themselves "Child of the Revolution". This good ol' chap
decided that he was going to try to do me in by means of a simple
contact poison letter. His plan was pretty well conceived except for
three minor details:
So in the presence of three witnesses I donned gloves and carefully cut
open the letter, poured out all the poison that had been knocked loose
and then, with tweezers and a pair of scissors, carefully opened the
letter. The letter read something along the lines of "sorry old chap,
but you're dead if you're reading this letter". Sorry, old chap, but
you'll have to do better than that.
An e-mail regarding a new target arrived in my inbox. My new
target being in college, I thought I may as well make the effort and
deprive my him of life. I borrowed a rather swish looking gun
from a fellow assassin in college and made my way to the target's
staircase. Having got to his door, I realised I hadn't actually
checked the weapon, so I hid in a nearby toilet and tested it, muffling
the sound with my jacket. Happy with the weapon, I knocked on my
target's door and waited. A moment later he opened the door clutching a
rather vicious looking text book so I raised the gun and shot him.
It went something like this:
Sorry..thought i'd get at least one.
Today Phoenix of Corpus Hostium was stabbed in the back by a man who
claimed to be his comrade.
Phoenix is standing in the corner of the bar, feeling safe and surrounded by allies when Foolfarian, a fellow Corpus Hostium member comes up behind him and hits him over the head with a cosh. Phoenix staggers in disbelief and horror, falling finally to his knees in front of Foolfarian. Then he lowers his gun and fires a steel bullet deep into Phoenix's brain. But worry not, for the Phoenix will rise from the ashes and rain the fury of hell on the isolent fools who vanquished him.
Parting the skeins of night and wings of storm I boldly set out at
5.10. And couldn't leave my college, the porter had wandered off and the
gates were locked.
Eventually gaining exit, cursing that the best part of the day was already done (for it was 5.30) I made my way to the targets' room, from which snoring emanated. Promising, I thought as I set up a friendly combination of bomb and contact poison on note warning of bomb. Then I smiled sweetly at the porters and slithered home to roost, leaving daylight to discover the fate of the target.
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