Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Updates

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New on Wednesday, 31 October

[29 Oct, 18:48 PM] The Umpire decides to thunderbolt people in person, and as The Duke pays quick visits to David H H Mack (Dr FEAR), David Newgas (C-Flakes) and Hugo H (J.S. Bach)
[29 Oct, 18:17 PM] Ben Q. Weaver gives his inco neighbour a weapon and helps protect him against justice... naughty, naughty
[30 Oct, 00:01 AM] Benjamin Twigger (A speedy death to all who oppose), benny talbot (scarface), Bernhard Altaner (Lithium), Hunter Williams (Davin), Justin Frederick Drake (Random), Madeleine Gregory-Clarke (The Duke of Wessex), Maelle Zimmermann (fruitymyL), Matt Taylor (Dr Dre), Paul Morris (Paul 'the pimp') and Roisin Kiberd (Peccata Mundy) are thunderbolted from the game
[31 Oct, 13:03 PM] The Umpire saw some assassins today!
[30 Oct, 18:45 PM] Xenoturbella brought down Shyam Sadeesh (bob)... can he fix it? No, he can't. He's dead.
[30 Oct, 01:43 AM] Mr C King is indeed seeking Jacob (Jake) Samuel Corteen and The Duke of Cambridge
[29 Oct, 20:00 PM] Agent Smith rids the world of Yuan Cao Zhang (Disclaimer)
[29 Oct, 11:00 AM] A host of people (Alicia Danks, Jayaveni Chedumbarum Pillay, Jennifer H. Berry, William Brooks and a shady figure) seek out Laurence Watson
[29 Oct, 17:34 PM] William Brooks takes some toast on a hunt, and covers it in Orlando de Lange (marmalade), but fails to get benny talbot
[29 Oct, 12:01 PM] Alicia Danks spotted William Brooks and thought about saying hello...
[28 Oct, 18:29 PM] Yella tries to scare Dr FEAR
[26 Oct, 15:27 PM] Black Mamba turns vegetarian and eats Roman Sztyler (spinach)... but is a naughty snake
[28 Oct, 13:50 PM] Mr X. tried to uncover Peccata Mundy, with no success
[28 Oct, 01:00 AM] Disclaimer - The sound of midnight bells ringing is not good for the health - as Lorna Ayton (Eden) found out

New on Sunday, 28 October

[26 Oct, 19:05 PM] Philip Bielby tries to put the glass shoe onto William Brooks's foot - it Fitz!
[27 Oct, 16:57 PM] David H H Mack pointlessly ends the life of Marcus Julian Carne King

New on Saturday, 27 October

[26 Oct, 21:56 PM] The Classhole decides to slay the commoners of Jesus, but fails to find any (as Anna Louise Kalorkoti is dead)
[26 Oct, 17:11 PM] Aquarius drowns Justin Frederick Drake (Random)
[25 Oct, 12:04 PM] Smoothly does it... Anna Louise Kalorkoti (Ephraim Smooth AKA Hecate) is brought down by Matt Green's cannons
[25 Oct, 22:42 PM] William Brooks, Jacob (Jake) Samuel Corteen and David Smith try, but fail, to find the corpses of Giles Reger and Dan Craik
[25 Oct, 13:28 PM] Philip Bao takes down Eystein Patrick Thanisch
[25 Oct, 21:36 PM] Philip Bielby goes on the warpath, and set an example to the rest of the game (lazy gits!) by bringing down Dan Craik (BAcon's cipheR iS AN excElLEnT wAy To hIde a MesSaGe iN A mesSAge lol), Giles Reger (Green Dragon) and Philip Bao (Phatthing AKA Nimrodod)

New on Thursday, 25 October

[24 Oct, 21:25 PM] Simeon P. Bird B.A. Hons. (Cantab.) and Ben Q. Weaver go for a walk... Edd Burgess (Emmanuel Goldstein) wishes they hadn't...
[24 Oct, 22:22 PM] Eystein Patrick Thanisch shares his musings with us...
[24 Oct, 21:00 PM] A 12-gun-salute bids farewell to Matt Green (The Colonel AKA Bodysnatcher) as Anna Louise Kalorkoti is set to test her luck against the Police
[24 Oct, 18:13 PM] William Brooks goes on the beat with an old friend...
[24 Oct, 12:30 PM] 'Stop' killed Tom Barfield (Shakey Pete)
[24 Oct, 09:30 AM] Eden comes even for the evil kaifei yu (Prince of Darkness)
[23 Oct, 22:03 PM] Alice Band goes to wonderland (a.k.a. John's) and finds Rachel Filar/Ray (Barbara Anne) with the help of Denizhan Erkan

New on Tuesday, 23 October

[22 Oct, 19:00 PM] Alicia Danks pulled the toilet chain and Flushed away ANNABEL BANKS (Flush)
[23 Oct, 15:22 PM] Nogbad the Bad scares little Tristan Kalloniatis (William the Girl)
[23 Oct, 12:19 PM] Jacob (Jake) Samuel Corteen makes pumpkin juice with Tom Wootten (Punkin' Chunkin')
[22 Oct, 17:14 PM] click and The Bells of Hell (Elizabeth Luzie Schlappa) ring
[22 Oct, 16:13 PM] John Lapinskas (The Angry Mathmo) got a whole lot angrier when brought to justice by David Anthony Read
[22 Oct, 11:11 AM] Nicholas Andrew Donnelly decides to take the law into his own hands, but Disclaimer - attacks can go wrong
[22 Oct, 11:06 AM] Michael Conterio attacks Rahul Nandkishore (Rahul) and kills him... but dies as well.
[22 Oct, 12:03 PM] Xenoturbella brought death to Joel Tay ... again...
[22 Oct, 18:00 PM] Bodysnatcher tries to make away with Lucas Perez Trujillo's corpse, but the grave is dug well
[22 Oct, 09:15 AM] Aquarius fills the waters of the rivers of David Peter Ross Garner's afterlife
[22 Oct, 00:00 AM] Lucas Perez Trujillo (Revolta) suffers-a revolta at the hands-a of David Peter Ross Garner
[21 Oct, 20:42 PM] In-fighting in the NWA continues! Dr Dre pops Jack Lamplugh (Eazy E)'s ass - or something

New on Sunday, 21 October

[19 Oct, 22:49 PM] Michael Conterio (Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden)'s magick suffices not to save him from the cold, hard lead of Philip Bielby's gun
[21 Oct, 16:32 PM] David Anthony Read and Luke Regan wander down to Homerton, find Emma Katherine Wallace (The Duke of Monmouth) and eat Pete Chareonwongsak (Digestive_Cookie)
[21 Oct, 14:27 PM] Timothy Bazalgette deals with his college's inco Thomas Bramall (Andrea Terrano)
[20 Oct, 22:25 PM] Ben Q. Weaver deals with the corrupt Philip Bielby
[20 Oct, 14:00 PM] Disclaimer - walks in the city centre can be fatal, as Scott Kathrein (The Black Plague) discovered, and Jonah Hugh Logan Ellis Hugh's body was battered a little.
[20 Oct, 19:10 PM] Jacob (Jake) Samuel Corteen puts a clamp on Sunil Shah (DeathOnWheels)
[20 Oct, 19:08 PM] Xenoturbella dragged Arun Jack Dhanraj to his lazy grave
[20 Oct, 17:30 PM] Space monkey revolutions continue! William Brooks brings down the corrupt Simeon P. Bird B.A. Hons. (Cantab.)
[18 Oct, 17:00 PM] INCOBASH! Ben's team report - visits to Jenny Molloy and Tristan Kalloniatis did not pay off, a visit to Robert Desmond (Jackie Chan) did, but Robert Bell put up a fight, killing Ben Q. Weaver and an accomplice before William Brooks took him down
[17 Oct, 19:25 PM] An elite police SWAT team (Ben Q. Weaver, Simeon P. Bird B.A. Hons. (Cantab.) and Steven Shenton) finally make it to Girton, and root out the nest of vipers (Mehmet Cem Kemal (Deadly Snake Man), Sian Humphries (Betty) and Harry Alexander John Onslow (The Duke of York))
[20 Oct, 13:15 PM] Mr X. wonders Y Zhi Qi Soh (Acedub) - and makes an omega of him
[19 Oct, 21:42 PM] William Brooks decides to test the ruleset for loopholes...

New on Saturday, 20 October

[19 Oct, 15:27 PM] Tom Wootten gives us some valuable advice...
[20 Oct, 01:00 AM] EF wars! Lord VaeL (Carmelo Medina) brought down by fruitymyL
[19 Oct, 15:01 PM] The pigs (Eystein Patrick Thanisch) get it wrong YET AGAIN! At least this time they didn't shoot a fellow...
[19 Oct, 22:41 PM] The Ankh-Mopork Patrician and Guild member (Havelock Vetinari (Alasdair Pearce)) is shown the power of our Guild by William Brooks
[18 Oct, 20:03 PM] INCOBASH! Steve's team part two - Steven Shenton objects to Mr. Pink (Maxwell Joseph Gray)'s civil partnership. He also pecks at the corpse of Daniel Greene
[18 Oct, 19:35 PM] Jayaveni Chedumbarum Pillay rubs herself all over with oliveoil (Sophia Grant Lyon Fellowes)
[18 Oct, 15:28 PM] David Molony (Dave the Chef) withdraws from the game, as does Sam Hunter Gordon (Powerslave)
[17 Oct, 22:00 PM] The Chocaholic Viking decides not to give away any chocolate, instead sending victoria stevens (the shadow) every poison under the sun
[19 Oct, 17:58 PM] Black Mamba snaps at her victims, and manages to nibble Sabri Al-Safi (MC REN). The Duke of Cambridge is too cautious, however.
[14 Oct, 15:30 PM] Yo, yo... sup... the NWA (Yella and MC REN) get on down to Ludwig Pang (Professor Farnsworth)'s pad and f*** him up, yo
[18 Oct, 18:50 PM] INCOBASH! Jake's team (Jacob (Jake) Samuel Corteen, Robin Message and two freshers) head to John Barrett (the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom)'s place and kill him, but then Robin Message (A mysteriously black cat) falls before the mighty jimlass
[20 Oct, 02:00 AM] The Duke of Cambridge shoots a dirty peasant on his land, jimlass (Rich Miller)
[18 Oct, 09:00 AM] The dastardly and foolish Jonathan Holmes is brought down by Prince of Darkness and Eden
[19 Oct, 17:44 PM] Dan Craik is most underimpressed with the letter he received
[19 Oct, 10:00 AM] BAcon's cipheR iS AN excElLEnT wAy To hIde a MesSaGe iN A mesSAge lol gets off his arse (for a little bit)
[19 Oct, 12:26 PM] The Colonel aims his cannons at the pig fortress, and hits James Moran
[18 Oct, 20:30 PM] INCOBASH! - the mysterious fourth team (Philip Bielby and Simeon P. Bird B.A. Hons. (Cantab.)) goto town for some shopping, and come back with the bodies of Chun sui Kwok (CSK), Jenny Molloy (Osiris Abelmosk) and Holly Osborne (Trinity)
[18 Oct, 23:20 PM] Adam Guterres turns on the great historical cliches Catherine the Great (Alexander James Glasner) and The Chocaholic Viking (KAROLINA Saar)
[18 Oct, 19:35 PM] The NWA turn on themselves... Dr Dre takes out Ice Cube (Daniel Greene)
[18 Oct, 19:34 PM] William Brooks uses his small gun to kill Robert Desmond (Jackie Chan)
[18 Oct, 17:04 PM] INCOBASH! - Steven's team does some serious killing - Christina Woodger (Goblin), Stefan Liberadzki (The Grey Blur) and Tomas Thembinkosi Rodriguez Perez (Entreline) all slain, and several others visited or helped to die humanely...
[18 Oct, 19:01 PM] The Colonel goes to war. The HQs of Maria Kennedy (Andrew Baker) and Richard Whittle (Jane Ellis) taken, and victoria stevens's corpse is used for target practice
[18 Oct, 19:05 PM] David Anthony Read devours a Micky D's Triple Cheeseburger (Luke Regan)
[18 Oct, 16:55 PM] the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom finds a Wannabe Tramp (Ryan Hamlet) and punishes it for begging... with a short, sharp shock
[18 Oct, 16:39 PM] Havelock Vetinari proves the Ankh-Mopork Guild is still a force to be reckoned with, at the expense of Alex Lynes (mark preston) and alexander edwin roberts (alema)
[18 Oct, 16:00 PM] David Anthony Read betrays Sophie Agrotis (Sophedelica)
[18 Oct, 14:00 PM] Ben Ravenhill brings down Emma Blythe (Krusher)
[19 Oct, 00:01 AM] A mysterious force draws *Nimrod* Gileadi (Migraine Dildo)'s spirit from his body
[16 Oct, 19:15 PM] Phatthing arbitrates over William P. Wearden, esq. (The Arbiter)'s life
[18 Oct, 13:24 PM] William Brooks brings rough justice to James Brister (Peter Davidson) and Joshua Waters (Clive)
[18 Oct, 13:16 PM] Phatthing (Philip Bao) cruelly attacks and dismembers his supposed friend Migraine Dildo, and leaves him for dead (but he lives!)
[17 Oct, 10:00 AM] TEgg (William Brooks) initiates a veritable bloodbath, in which Liam Mencel (Mencellator), Luke Richard Bennett (Last Damnation) and Jack Shotton (cadge) fall. Several goodwilled police also tried to intervene, and died (David Williams, Elizabeth Rose Johnstone and Jayaveni Chedumbarum Pillay).However, William Brooks was brought to justice by Yella
[17 Oct, 18:06 PM] Disclaimer - Traumatic Acid (Jonah Hugh Logan Ellis Hugh) reacts badly to Peruvian Rabies
[17 Oct, 22:22 PM] Migraine Dildo (*Nimrod* Gileadi) seeks solace from its pains...

New on Friday, 19 October

[19 Oct, 00:00 AM] Pac-Man (Alexander Atkins) reaches the Game Over screen

New on Thursday, 18 October

[17 Oct, 13:47 PM] Jack Shotton's not having a very good day...
[17 Oct, 23:30 PM] Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden (Michael Conterio) uses an illegal spell on someone... how rude!
[16 Oct, 22:22 PM] Ben Naseman (Ren) gets fruity with himself
[18 Oct, 13:00 PM] Fran Bailey (The Duke of Westminster) retires
[17 Oct, 23:45 PM] Nimrodod is dastardly, and Eystein Patrick Thanisch (An_Mhor_Fhir) suffers the consequences
[17 Oct, 21:00 PM] A mysteriously black cat seeks attention from Catherine Flavelle... but her cold, dead body gives it none
[17 Oct, 19:20 PM] Simeon P. Bird B.A. Hons. (Cantab.) is a bad monkey
[17 Oct, 17:10 PM] An Unadultered Penguin (Jack Collins) could not compete physically with its pet gorilla...
[17 Oct, 15:10 PM] Phatthing brings down the shady Sol Richardson (Don Rafaeal)
[17 Oct, 15:10 PM] Jack_Sparrow (Dinesh-Ramesh Mirpuri Vatvani) is the worst pirate in the Caribbean, at least according to The Duke of Cambridge
[17 Oct, 11:45 AM] Jacob (Jake) Samuel Corteen says hello to everyone, but sends his beard to attack and slay Ruairidh King (Wee Jimmy) while he does so
[17 Oct, 03:08 AM] click and the dirt (Francesca (Frankie) Dubery (Tchaikovsky)) is gone!
[17 Oct, 03:30 AM] Alice Band ends the tyrannous reign of The Duke of Kent (Catherine Flavelle)
[16 Oct, 19:38 PM] Pac-Man (Alexander Atkins) nibbles at David Smith's groin...
[15 Oct, 11:00 AM] Pac-Man Om-Nom-Noms around Sophedelica's heels, but fails to connect a deadly bite
[15 Oct, 14:45 PM] Everything did not click into place today... Tchaikovsky escapes harm
[16 Oct, 16:55 PM] Dr FEAR terrorises William the Girl (but not much)
[16 Oct, 18:51 PM] The pigs (Jonathan Holmes) get it wrong again... in unrelated news, studies prove that eating too many doughnuts can impair brain activity...
[16 Oct, 18:45 PM] Disclaimer - Peruvian Rabies not suitable for human consumption. Zihan Hans Liu (Joseph K.) first victim of devastating plague? More in this week's Daily Mail

New on Wednesday, 17 October

[13 Oct, 20:44 PM] The Long Arm of the Law reaches as far as Girton thanks to Nicholas Andrew Donnelly and laura leegood ... but is then cut off!

New on Tuesday, 16 October

[15 Oct, 17:07 PM] Sir William pays his regards to a young lady... (Hattie (Harriet) Jones - Fuyuzare) and then takes her lifeblood in exchange
[16 Oct, 12:02 PM] The nefarious Catherine Flavelle compounds her crimes by attacking a Police Officer (Alicia Danks) with an unlicenced weapon in an Out Of Bounds Area... is there any limit to this criminal's sinfulness?
[16 Oct, 10:20 AM] Disclaimer - deaths of Joseph K. and Traumatic Acid not forthcoming
[15 Oct, 21:00 PM] A trivial matter... but Marcus Julian Carne King (The Pervert) is court-marshalled by The Colonel
[15 Oct, 22:25 PM] Ren molests the corpse of Heng Wui Leng
[14 Oct, 11:30 AM] An unholy alliance between Smee (Chris Boreham) and Colonel Colman's (Adam Guterres) is ripped asunder by Horatio T Loins governor of the Sudan (Simon Abernethy), but all three end up adding to the pile of cadavers (along with Callum Rhodes)
[15 Oct, 19:30 PM] The Nefarious Denizhan Erkan (Dirty D) tries to slay Ephraim Smooth, but the latter is too smooth for him, and claims his scalp instead
[14 Oct, 18:30 PM] Ephraim Smooth stays his hand, but almost slays Alicia Danks by accident
[13 Oct, 11:20 AM] Ephraim Smooth roughs it and fails to find The Grey Blur. Maybe glasses would help?
[15 Oct, 19:09 PM] The Umpire is unfairly and rudely accused of trying to kill Catherine Flavelle - as if he would do such a thing!
[15 Oct, 13:05 PM] Jayaveni Chedumbarum Pillay espies the nefarious Steven Shenton (Porcelain Ostrich) and ends his wicked ways
[14 Oct, 16:45 PM] scarface issues a threat to Ice Cube and Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden
[15 Oct, 06:30 AM] In Which Alice Band Is Considerably Miffed That Her Target (Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden) Is Never Bloody At Home

New on Monday, 15 October

[14 Oct, 17:00 PM] A convergence of assassins in John's leads to the deaths of Matt Hickford (Dixon Bainbridge) and Heng Wui Leng (The Duke of Newnham) but Denizhan Erkan continues to allude punishment for his wanton crimes
[15 Oct, 16:28 PM] Mehmet Cem Kemal (Deadly Snake Man) feels a bit scaley
[15 Oct, 13:02 PM] Porcelain Ostrich pecks another victim to death, this time Rob (Neville Ball (Nev))
[15 Oct, 12:12 PM] After eating spinach, a DeadlyFart (Tommaso Sechi) came out. Ludwig Pang's corpse reported not amused
[14 Oct, 17:23 PM] The evil Emilie/Emmy Yerby (The Yellow Submarine) is taken down at last by Simeon P. Bird B.A. Hons. (Cantab.), reinstated as Deputy Chief of Police. David Williams and Jayaveni Chedumbarum Pillay helped (honest)
[15 Oct, 12:15 PM] A challenge from the demented Marcus Julian Carne King (The Pervert)
[15 Oct, 09:54 AM] Shakey Pete quivered near The Duke of Wellington's mansion for a bit
[14 Oct, 16:33 PM] Punkin' Chunkin' fights the phantoms in his mind - and they don't obey his rules!
[14 Oct, 18:30 PM] Agent Smith enlightens us, at the expense of Amarnath Marthi (someone)
[14 Oct, 18:45 PM] Alexander Daniel Walker has justice served to him... again... this time by that bastion of the Law, Alicia Danks
[14 Oct, 18:15 PM] The Police Force pay Catherine Flavelle a visit, and annoy her minorly
[14 Oct, 14:52 PM] Cunning and deceit win Betty and Rob the scalp of Timothy Bazalgette (Neal Brose)
[14 Oct, 15:32 PM] Jayaveni Chedumbarum Pillay tries to bring justice to the evil The Yellow Submarine, but is foiled by her vast room
[14 Oct, 07:10 AM] The evil Catherine Flavelle compounds her crime by attacking the poor, innocent BAcon's cipheR iS AN excElLEnT wAy To hIde a MesSaGe iN A mesSAge lol with books

New on Sunday, 14 October

[14 Oct, 10:17 AM] Do I smell smokin' bacon? Police Justice brings the stripper ThongBoy (Alexander Daniel Walker) down
[13 Oct, 21:30 PM] Alice Band seems to be stalking Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden
[12 Oct, 22:44 PM] LARPing is fun, honest...
[13 Oct, 16:00 PM] Mr X. marks the spot where Anyetta White (The small female one) lies dead
[14 Oct, 11:53 AM] The Beemancer's letter did not impress Black Mamba, and in any case the poison died with him
[13 Oct, 12:15 PM] The Umpire met Michael Conterio and 'greeted' him
[13 Oct, 23:40 PM] ThongBoy decided to throw caution (and his clothes) to the wind and shoot anyone... he got lucky and killed an actual player, David Williams (Halcyon)
[13 Oct, 22:59 PM] Alexander Daniel Walker (ThongBoy) strips away the layers of his sanity (and clothes)

New on Saturday, 13 October

[13 Oct, 00:10 AM] Denizhan Erkan is a naughty boy, and is watched by Alice Band and Disclaimer as he does his dirty deeds!
[13 Oct, 16:40 PM] Alicia Danks is barred from killing The Duke of Kent
[13 Oct, 16:30 PM] Alice Band has to put their bodily functions on hold as Harry Alexander John Onslow lurks outside
[13 Oct, 15:00 PM] David Peter Ross Garner (The Beemancer) found dead with bite marks on his chest and a strange poison seeping from the wounds... Deadly Snake Man known to own killer snakes... connection? Possibly...
[13 Oct, 15:30 PM] Revolta by name, revolting by nature. Dominic Thompson (Big D) revolts and perishes
[13 Oct, 17:30 PM] Porcelain Ostrich pecks Michael Donaghy (Simeon Bird is the best thing ever (although not as handsome as you, Mr. Umpire))'s brains out
[13 Oct, 14:01 PM] Peccata Mundy overwhelm the sinless shaun lazzari (chewwy)
[13 Oct, 12:05 PM] The Colonel's marching orders safely reached Callum Rhodes (SDG (Smartly Dressed Goth))
[13 Oct, 09:51 AM] Colonel Colman's orders failed to reach Horatio T Loins governor of the Sudan or The Colonel
[12 Oct, 23:42 PM] Innocent suicide - the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom's knive made wanted
[13 Oct, 11:41 AM] C-Flakes and banana make a killer combination, as Qiu Yuhang (The Feathered Pie) found out at breakfast
[12 Oct, 22:01 PM] Porcelain Ostrich (Steven Shenton) times his re-entry perfectly, and removes Philip Bielby ([Insert name of substance])
[12 Oct, 22:20 PM] Emilie/Emmy Yerby further compounds her wantedness by shooting the Chief of Police and Deputy AGAIN and then several non-players, ex-players. dead-players and like the entirely of TT...
[12 Oct, 21:57 PM] CARNAGE at Sheila - Emilie/Emmy Yerby (The Yellow Submarine) initiates pandemonium and everyone dies - shame it's Out of Bounds
[12 Oct, 19:58 PM] James Bigglesworth Jnr, Sky Pirate (Ben Q. Weaver) is shot down after taking too much [Insert name of substance]
[12 Oct, 22:32 PM] An_Mhor_Fhir wishes to pay his respects to the great The Duke of Wellington, but he appears to have sailed off
[12 Oct, 23:00 PM] The Kiss of Death is administered to a poor, helpless police officer in the line of duty by that fiend Catherine Flavelle
[12 Oct, 09:00 AM] Jesus (Joseph Newman) proves not to be immortal, as Lithium smites the Son of God - but will He rise again?
[11 Oct, 22:12 PM] Phatthing visited jimlass and Don Rafaeal with no success
[12 Oct, 18:01 PM] Alice Band tries to end the life of Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden but, despite passing him in the corridor with Dirty D, decides to rely on magick (or poison...)
[12 Oct, 21:00 PM] Eden awaits Tania Gerasimenko (Comrade Porridge) as her soul slips from her blackmailed body
[11 Oct, 12:05 PM] Scrambled TEgg for breakfast? Jonathan Holmes (Black Eggbert) is fried by William Brooks in the middle of the morning lecture rush
[11 Oct, 09:45 AM] Smoothly done (Ephraim Smooth told the tooth to James Moran (Dimbleby))

New on Friday, 12 October

[12 Oct, 10:30 AM] The Duke of Kent attends a Day at the Races, and finds Michael Alexander (Groucho) there
[12 Oct, 16:10 PM] EXTRA EXTRA - INNOCENT GIRL STABBED! HOLE IN HER CHEST! POLICE ARE LOOKING INTO IT... Harry Alexander John Onslow named as prime suspect
[12 Oct, 20:09 PM] Catherine Flavelle decides the UMS is an excellent way to sent poisoned letters...
[12 Oct, 11:55 AM] BAcon's cipheR iS AN excElLEnT wAy To hIde a MesSaGe iN A mesSAge lol is lame... and hungry
[12 Oct, 12:45 PM] The Bells of Hell forgets about the Postal Strike
[12 Oct, 04:55 AM] Pac-Man has entered the game (cue OmNomNoming)
[11 Oct, 16:15 PM] James Bigglesworth Jnr, Sky Pirate writes the story of his life, and when he reads it to laura leegood (rejey) she dies of boredom
[11 Oct, 12:10 PM] The Angry Mathmo and The Sniper slashed one another's limbs and become blood brothers
[11 Oct, 17:18 PM] bob builds up relations with Russia through his friend Ben Ravenhill (Dr Strangelove)
[11 Oct, 19:30 PM] DeathOnWheels drove to see Colonel Colman's
[11 Oct, 22:15 PM] The Colonel used his land-to-exosphere missile and took down Sputnik (Alicia Danks)
[11 Oct, 19:25 PM] Don Rafaeal sunk The Admiral (Robert J B Nelson)'s fleet and singed his king's beard
[11 Oct, 19:00 PM] Xenoturbella finds what proves not to be a red herring, but rather a fishmine (Joel Tay)
[11 Oct, 20:00 PM] Ren decided to indulge his sweet tooth with Liam Brierley (Snickers)
[11 Oct, 18:02 PM] Jacob (Jake) Samuel Corteen taught Richard Saunders (Eric Cartman) to respect his authoritah! He then brought down Doreen Nyeko (The Duke of Toledo) and confiscated his estates.
[11 Oct, 18:19 PM] Knives in the...twilight - Xenoturbella slew Arun Jack Dhanraj (Aloo) and was attacked in return, but escaped!
[11 Oct, 18:30 PM] The Smoking Gnu was, indeed, smokin', and climbed mount improbable (Nicholas Andrew Donnelly)
[11 Oct, 17:31 PM] Simeon Bird is the best thing ever (although not as handsome as you, Mr. Umpire) brings the life of the lovely Elizabeth Rose Johnstone (john) to a close, while TEgg watches in shameful impotence
[11 Oct, 15:54 PM] The Guild is Licensed to Jive over David Anthony Read (The Sniper)'s body
[11 Oct, 15:51 PM] Dirty D got dirty walking to and from Ephraim Smooth's staircase
[11 Oct, 23:00 PM] Eden brings no joy to mortal men... Comrade Porridge may soon perish unless he can complete his task...
[11 Oct, 15:33 PM] The Duke of Kent's Castle Anthrax not breached, even with the science of Lithium
[11 Oct, 13:00 PM] James Bigglesworth Jnr, Sky Pirate goes on the pull

New on Thursday, 11 October

[11 Oct, 13:43 PM] Michael Donaghy feels compelled to tell us about his day
[11 Oct, 05:00 AM] LET BATTLE COMMENCE (huzzah etc)

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