Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 6 News

Thursday, 26 November

[10:00 AM] The Shanatu Shuffle lurks for The Jazz Monkey and The Darkness
The Shanatu Shuffle reports:

FAIL! Is the word that best describes this morning. I got up for my lectures, and thought I'd kill two birds with one stone by lurking for The Darkness. No sign of him. Then I thought, oh, my first lecture is boring anyway, so I went and lurked for The Jazz Monkey at his house. No sign of him. On the way home I lurked for Bobo (The Otter), just to be on the safe side... and, guess what? NO SIGN OF HIM EITHER. Bad times, people. Bad times.

[18:00 PM] Bobo (The otter) gets the jump on Christopher Judge (Rabbit Master)
Rabbit Master reports:

I was killed today by Bobo (The otter) at queens backs at around 6.00 (did not look at watch). Despite being heavily armed I unfortunately did not turn around often enough and he performed an bang kill. I had assumed relative safety untill closer to college. Thinking that even with a photo who would know I was at queens then???? Thinking about it I suspect the giant red Rabbit I was carrying may have been a small giveaway given my pseduonym.

Bobo (The otter) reports:

Today's events went down like this...

There was a young fellow called Chris
Carrying a red bunny I assume to be his
Behind that had a gun
But I still had my fun
From that range I could hardly miss

P.S The bunny looked something like this

[18:00 PM] The Darkness attempts to enshroud Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah but misses him
The Darkness reports:

It's cold. Yes, even an Ancient Eldritch Abomination from before Time can get cold. Particularly on an autumn night in Cambridge, waiting outside [UNSPECIFIED COLLEGE] for the Super-Coryan, Wilson Shah.

*Very* cold.

[20:30 PM] The Shanatu Shuffle goes looking for The Jazz Monkey again and still can't find him as he's attacking Robert Cecil
The Shanatu Shuffle reports:

I thought I might like to go and have a stab (HA) at killing The Jazz Monkey again, so I swung by [LOL ACCOMODATION] to shoot him. Being a little bit apheared of the awesomeness of the place, and feeling I could do with some backup, I called upon Robert Cecil to come and help me. I stood around in the cold for a while, waiting for him to arrive. Minutes passed, and I began to be put in mind of a similar lurk last year. Eventually Robert Cecil called me, and told me that The Jazz Monkey had in fact tried to shoot him on his way over to [UNSPECIFIED COLLEGE ACCOMMODATION]! This was something I hadn't bargained on.

Feeling that, if The Jazz Monkey was legging it all over [UNSPECIFIED COLLEGE], this might not then perhaps be the correct time to be attacking his room, I told Robert Cecil to split for the time being.

We'll get you next time, Alasdair Wilkins! (And stop shootin ma dudes plawkz)

[22:10 PM] Emma Garnett (I wish I hadn't forced the Umpire to make up my pseudonym) is slain by The Mighty Scroggage
The Mighty Scroggage reports:

Yet more honour was restored to the ranks of the police department this evening. After attending Society X, I remembered that the girl I was talking to about Society Y, Emma Garnett, was an incompetent member of our wizardly ranks. "This will not do!" thought I, so I drew my suspiciously plastic ruler-looking machete and beheaded her. With her permission, of course.
Long live Lord Vimtomorgue! _m/

Friday, 27 November

[03:46 AM] The Real Bobo has a message for you
The Real Bobo reports:

A message to all cowardly imposters: Impersonating your superiors will be punished. Most likely by death. Or being shot in the face by zombies.

Yours, the REAL Bobo

[12:00 PM] Hydrophobia spreads the feeling to Adam Greig (Robert Cecil AKA Didius Julianus AKA Salman Rushdie AKA Francis Walsingham)
Robert Cecil reports:

Backstabber Brandishes Brutal Blaster: Betrayal Brief but Bitter
Robert Cecil

So far, so good. No one's lurking outside the side exit from my lecture and I cautiously step out. No one jumps out at me.
I turn towards home and start walking, but alas! Ten metres on and a sudden footstep behind me is my only warning as my assassin drenches me.
I spin around and see the face of the man who ended me: !

It suddenly dawns on me how naive I'd been all along. Moments too late, unfortunately. Still, there's always next time!
For the freshers reading the archives: trust no-one.

Hydrophobia reports:

It wasn't raining today, so I was able to go outside. Apart from being tormented by some minor puddles, the day went well. Adam Greig didn't seem to be feeling me quite enough, so I helped him along with some "rehabilitation therapy"...

[12:00 PM] Daniel Baker (Santa) came bearing guns to Tithe My Wok who promptly stabbed him for it
Tithe My Wok reports:


A terrible killing occurred today outside the lecture theatre for [subject withheld]. Tithe My Wok (alias for the purposes of witness protection) and Matthew Hathrell were discussing some features of the course, when Tithe My Wok happened to notice Santa approaching.

Santa joined their conversation, and said to Tithe My Wok: "How annoying -- I forgot my submachinegun today, so I can't shoot you with it". He then opened his bag, and began to extract a pistol. Instantly, Tithe My Wok drew a knife from his pocket and plunged it into Santa's chest, killing him in what was obviously self defense. At the instigation of Matthew Hathrell, the Ghost of Santa then shot Tithe My Wok several times, but fortunately phantom bullets have no physical effect.

Police are investigating what could have caused one of their officers to attempt to turn on another. The current suggestion is that it might have something to do with Tithe My Wok's execution of Santa for incompetence a few days ago.

Santa reports:

Ho ho ho! No presents for Tithe My Wok this year.

[12:15 PM] Altair, the mighty assassin, is defeated by the locked door of The Jazz Monkey

[14:00 PM] Upon hearing Will the real Bobo please stand up? Dom Carr (Bobo (The Otter) AKA Bobo (For a Bite of Cake!) AKA The Real Bobo) obliged and was gunned down
Will the real Bobo please stand up? reports:

He did! I shot him. ^.^

The Real Bobo reports:

The inevitable happened at 2pm today, as I very sleepily cycled into the pharmacology department. Good luck to you Will the real Bobo please stand up?. If you don't win, your hair may never forgive you!

Saturday, 28 November

[04:56 AM] An anonymous message is received
The Umpire reports:

My friends, I warn you. The Darkness is coming. And you are all that stands in its way.
I can no longer help. By the time you read this, I will be dead. But that doesn't matter. This creature has been slowly seeping into our world for the past couple of months, focusing upon Cambridge. It was weak, but soon...
If Cambridge falls, so does the world. The Darkness must be stopped here, now.

Good luck.

The Darkness comes...

[12:00 PM] Daniel Baker (The left coset g of a subgroup G in X) again tried to kill Tithe My Wok for no reason and once again ended up dead
Tithe My Wok reports:

I noted yesterday that Daniel Baker seemed to bear me a grudge for my killing of him on Wednesday. I further noted that this grudge would likely be redoubled, as I had just killed him a second time. I therefore took the precaution of proceeding to lectures quite heavily armed.

I encountered him again outside lectures, at around 1200. Weapons were drawn, and bands were fired (the eventual location of these is unclear -- I may have been hit, but nothing conclusive was found). He ran away, towards his bicycle. I changed guns, hopped onto mine, and intercepted him as he made his escape. One spray of water cut him down.

The Umpire would like to remind police players that "As Police, you cannot kill a Player who is not on the Wanted or Incompetence Lists unless they are making an obvious and direct attempt on your life, in which case you are permitted to defend yourself" As a result Dan shooting Tithe My Wok is annulled.

[18:30 PM] Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah encountered an ex-hat-wearing ex-assassin
Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah reports:

I saw Mr Simeon Bird today. He wasn't wearing a hat.

[18:30 PM] Severus Snipe emails the wrong person detailing his corruptness
The Umpire reports:

Severus Snipe rather epicly failed when attempting to arrange an alliance and the incriminating evidence fell into my hands.
For such a high ranking and experienced police officer, this is quite incredible.
However, the charge of "Doing it so very wrong" is being upheld against Severus Snipe, he may appeal for a lesser sentence if he so chooses.

Sunday, 29 November

[16:00 PM] Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah goes hunting but both The Jazz Monkey and The Darkness are hiding
Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah reports:

OMG. So I went to look for The Darkness, but as usual he was being a bit difficult to pin down. This meant I had cycled all the way out to [UNSPECIFIED_FAR_AWAY_COLLEGE] to try and get him all for nothing. As I cycled back, it started to rain. Fml. Went to go and shoot The Jazz Monkey but again no sign of him. As I walked back to my house I saw some lol wearing a black trilby popping their head out from behind a corner and back. This looked suspiciously like an assassin, so I cycled over to try an shoot them. I ended up just shooting the breeze. Fml. Went home. Made hot chocolate. Was a bit bored. Assassins - stop hiding! Come out and try and kill me! We need to finish the damn game people!

[20:00 PM] The right coset g of a subgroup G in X catches Chloe Ursula Wallis (Mr. Krabs)

Monday, 30 November

[00:57 AM] A police war has been declared, it is rumoured Severus Snipe has turned to the dark arts
The Umpire reports:

A police war means police players can email me to become corrupt police. Corrupt police are now allowed to kill other police players.

[08:00 AM] Return of The Jazz Monkey has a nice kill of Coryan Wilson-Shah (Murdoc AKA The Shanatu Shuffle AKA Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah AKA Hydrophobia AKA Big Brother AKA Bobo (the Otter) AKA Will the real Bobo please stand up?) before breakfast. Is there a better way to start the day?
Return of The Jazz Monkey reports:

Today at 7:30 I awoke from a couple of hours sleep with bloodshot eyes and headed out for the residence of one Coryan. Arriving on the scene and walking down the street, as I approached the house, a fellow with bright ginger hair came out, who I quickly to my surprise realised was Coryan. He appeared not to recognise me, and I followed him down the street. Once he had turned the corner, I pulled out my water gun and cautiously followed him round. He appeared to be spooked by my actions, and pulled a gun of his own. Knowing the quality of both his marksmanship and weaponary were better than mine, I quickly retreated back. Hiding behind a hedge on the opposite side of the road, which gave me a view into his road, I waited patiently. Minutes past, when suddenly right infront of me, just on the other side of the hedge, strolled past Coryan. I believed he had seen me, so when he turned the corner to come behind the hedge I sprung into action firing my gun. Unfortunately the quality of my weapon was lacking, and had lost pressure, so only a medium sized dribble came out. He quickly turned tail and fled, as I sprinted after, holding my gun at him. The water finally hit him as I caught up, just instants before he spun round and sprayed me with a syringe! One target down, one to go.

[08:10 AM] The Darkness descends on Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah's house but is unable to locate him
The Darkness reports:

Come out, come out, wherever you are, Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah!

[11:25 AM] Altair is still having trouble with those locked doors which abound in Cambridge
Altair reports:

Al Mualim,
I have continued in my attempts to slay the Templar known as The Jazz Monkey. Today I waited outside his home for a period of time, hoping to catch him as went about his daily business. Instead: no, he would not emerge. However, I believe that he appreciates the company of others; during my time there I saw two women enter the house. A short while later, one of them left, before returning with some kind of cooking implement. Is he planning a party? Letting down his guard at this time could prove fatal...

[12:00 PM] The Darkness counter lurks his own lecture for The Shanatu Shuffle, encounters the corrupt Severus Snipe and kills Alasdair Wilkins (The Jazz Monkey AKA Nwala AKA TidalWave AKA Bobo (The otter))
Luke James Montgomery Robins reports:

Oh my...

So, having attempted to kill both Coryan and Alasdair this morning, I decided to lurk outside my own lecture at 12:00 in New Museums, in the hopes that I could catch Coryan lurking there for me. I had reason to expect Coryan to know about it. The Duke, Severus Snipe, had provided me with both a multiple shot rubber band gun and a pressurised water gun (Not a CPS though). We agreed to meet outside CUSU in order to lurk, as he was also interested in killing some police in the area. Leaving me in CUSU, he decided to scout out the surroundings of the lecture theatre whilst I kept an eye out for Coryan. He said he'd be back in a couple of minutes.

Two minutes later, Alasdair Wilkins walked through the CUSU foyer. He noticed me, but I didn't recognise him, and in all honesty he should have shot me there and then. Instead he made his way outside, apparently with the intention of drawing out his water gun instead of using an RBG. Duke, having run around the outside after meeting Alasdair whilst exploring, got to the CUSU entrance just as Alasdair was about to leave. They saw each other, and I saw Duke back away. At this point my response was something along the lines of "OH ****!".

Alasdair whirled around, firing his RBG straight at me as I returned fire. His gun jammed, whereas all my shots missed. He then proceeded to dash out of the foyer, with me giving chase even as I swung my bag off to retrieve my water gun. Duke shouted to me that Alasdair was the last surviving player, as I sprinted after Alasdair, dashing past a bunch of bewildered tourists. I came to a choice routes: in front of me was an archway through to Free School Lane, whereas to my left was the Centre of African Studies and a couple of alleyways. Judging that the tourists at the other end of the archway didn't look surprised, which they would had an armed assassin ran past them, I turned left.

Alasdair was waiting for me in the dead end alleyway beside the Centre of African Studies. By this time he had his water gun out, and we both fired at each other. By some miracle, his shots missed, whereas in the pause after the initial shots, I pointed out that he had water splashed on the bottom of his chest. To this he conceded defeat, and I breathed a very long sigh of relief."

The Darkness reports:

The Darkness has come.
Cambridge has fallen.
And soon, the whole world shall fall into Eternal Darkness.

Severus Snipe reports:

Severus Snipe hurtled through the corridors as they screamed and fell apart around him, busts and heavy drapes crashing and thudding to the floor as he passed. The wind grabbed his hair and whooshed it around with malicious vigour while tremours and muted explosions almost shook him off his feet. He dashed around a corner and came face to face with a hooded figure, howling with sinister intent; a Dementor! The creature backed away with caution as Severus wrapped his hand around his wand in his cloak, and informed him that the great wizard The Shanatu Shuffle was dead. Aghast yet excited at the implications, Severus hastened to the exit. As he gasped in the fresh air of the exterior and tried to steady his nerves, he spotted the same Dementor rushing to take the soul of another Death Eater. He rushed over, and recognised a young recruit he'd armed the day before with a new, more powerful wand gifted him by the Dark Lord himself for distribution to promising types like him. As he approached the Dementor fled, pursued by a giant Silver hare, and after a short chase was cornered by the creature and enveloped in The Darkness that ensued from an explosion as they came into contact with one another.

Return of The Jazz Monkey reports:

At 11:50 I went to the lectures of Luke, and was exploring the area, when I bumped into The Duke. Not wishing to risk being killed, I did not attempt to kill him, but pondered why he was in the area. We went our seperate ways, and as I returned to where I had planned to hide, I saw a figure already there. Walking past to get a look at his face, I recognised him as the final player Luke. Knowing it would be suspicious to suddenly turn back now, and as he had not recognised me I planned to loop back round and sneak up on him. However as I left the building, I once again bumped into The Duke. Realising at this point that The Duke was clearly working with Luke and helping him, I knew Luke was about to be warned of my presence, so I turned around and charged back in at Luke. Pulling out my RBG, I fired one shot, which fell just short as I ran into firing range, I was close enough for the second to hit, but my gun jammed and no more bands came out! This gave him ample time, to pull out his own RBG and start firing back at me. With no other choice, I attempted to dodge all of the bands while retreating back before running out of the building, and pulling out my water gun. Believing I now had to weapon advantage, I returned back, not realising that Luke was getting a much stronger weapon off The Duke while I was gone. A very brief water fight ensued where I was shot in the lower abdomen, while my shots barely reached halfway to the enemy. It was all over, my lack of effective weaponary had cost me dearly. Congratulations to Luke for winning!!

[12:00 PM] What day of assassins would be complete without Daniel Baker (The right coset g of a subgroup G in X) dying to Tithe My Wok
Tithe My Wok reports:

I never did like right cosets. Particularly right cosets which try to use the sword action on the space outdoors containing me, which could potentially have reduced me to an identity. However, the composition of the sword and gun action commutes, which makes the right coset equivalent to the left coset -- vis a vis, dead.

The right coset g of a subgroup G in X reports:

The pen is mightier than the sword. As, seemingly, is the water pistol.

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