Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 4 News

Saturday, 6 November

[08:00 AM] A Dancing Shadow catches Szymon Sidor (nivwusquorum).

[09:00 AM] Daniello of Camden doesn't awaken to R.101010's knock at the door.
R.101010 reports:

I have had a rather unsuccessful morning... being busy for the rest of the day I decided to start myself off with some satisfying death and toast.

However, Daniello of Camden, the breakfast-y target sounded quite unconscious behind an unhelpfully locked door. Neither knocking, nor tripping over my own feet having given up prompted any change from within.

[12:00 PM] Lieutenant Pavel Andreievich Chekov checks in on a Distant Villain
Pavel Andreievich Chekov reports:

Dropped by Hall of Unspecified College today to see if Distant Villain was around so I could get to him before Umpirical Thunderbolt did. He wasn't there- clearly at home building lightning conductor...

[18:15 PM] Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons are unsuccessful.
Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons reports:

1815 06-11-10: Made an attempt to clear the trash from a particular building, 5 and Curly Brace were not in, and Two proved wise to my wiley ways.

[18:30 PM] Adam Greig gets a bit too paranoid...
Adam Greig reports:

I saw someone being a little shifty just now and shot them, but it turns out they were just visiting a friend in my accommodation. Oops?

Sunday, 7 November

[00:00 AM] Since they feel that Thunderbolts are too flashy, The Q Continuum simply make Prashin Jethwa and Sarah MacKichan cease to exist. Just. Like. That.

[11:00 AM] Someone knocks on the door of Themselves
Themselves reports:

Hearing a knocking at my door, I said hello but got no response, I initially assumed that they had knocked on my neighbours door, as the sound travels quite well. After a minute or so of reflection, I decided it might be an assassin so climbed out of my window and walked circuitously around to the front of the house, but any potential assailant had vanished. Perhaps next time I should just open the door!!!!!

[13:00 PM] The Jackal's Jackalope Jacket's subterfuge for nivwusquorum doesn't work...
The Jackal's Jackalope Jacket reports:

The Jackals Jackalope Jacket posed as a normal non-homicidal item of clothing whilst hunting nivwusquorum, but was left frustrated.

[14:30 PM] Foucault throws off a Spanner in the works...
Spanner reports:

At approximately 1430 this afternoon I undertook a covert operation to claim the life of one Foucault. However, despite scouting the nearby gyp room after failing to gain access to his room, the target was still unable to be found. Mission aborted.

[17:00 PM] Random Strategy... apparently just doesn't work as a strategy!
Random Strategy reports:

An all time low: it appears that, when lost, Random Strategy makes you become more so. For indeed, today at approximately 5 pm, Random Strategy attempted to find the home of R.101010. It is pretty obvious, given the first sentence of this report, that he did not find it. Luckily, Random Strategy will always get you somewhere in the end, even if it is not the place that you intended: while lost, he happened to stumble across the college where a certain incompetent named 1st Earl of Salisbury lived. Deciding that an incompetent was better than nothing, he entered and found the staircase. The door was locked. 3 times he tried a random sequence of loud knocks, but neither time did anyone come to the door to open it. Twas bitter cold and various bits of him were slowly turning into icycles (or felt like it anyway) , so therefore Random Strategy decided to give up (rather than get lost again).

[17:00 PM] Silent but Deadly... Or maybe not, as he doesn't kill any of 1st Earl of Salisbury, Themselves, T3H 1337 K1LL3R, Orange Potato or nivwusquorum...

[21:00 PM] The brave J. M. Colt shoots Szymon Sidor's corpse.

[21:45 PM] Regicide! or Heresy! or... something... What do you call god-slaying?! Anyway, T3H 1337 K1LL3R proves his 1337ness by killing Saint Sir God (Andrew Rolph).
T3H 1337 K1LL3R reports:

"50 3Z" ~ T3H 1337 K1LL3R on the simplicity of killing.

Monday, 8 November

[08:30 AM] Romulan Psycho, Nero, follows but fails to kill the wanted criminal 1st Earl of Salisbury
Nero reports:

It was an early start, but the chill rain sharpened my senses as I waited out on the street for the 1st Earl of Salisbury, a wanted fugitive. From here I had a clear view of his door and window. Wait, was he looking at me? Is that a TELESCOPE? I couldn't be sure, but even so I quickly pretended to talk on the phone and moved away. I circled round and returned to a much more hidden spot.
Soon he left the building, accompanied by an unknown accomplice. He looked nervous and I could no longer risk a frontal assault in case he had seen me.
They headed off down the street. I had received some excellent intelligence so i knew the route they would be taking and where they were going. I ran down a parrallel street in order to cut them off, but just missed them. Again I took another route, this one much more exposed, and hid to wait for them.
I was near to their destination now, too near for another attempt. I waited but he did not appear. Perhaps he had seen me and taken another route.
I returned to base and put on a disguise. I wanted this kill. I waited outside his cafe hoping to catch him on the way to lunch, but he never appeared. I did have fun chasing down someone I thought was him though...

[12:10 PM] Foucault hunts The Anvil but finds it remarkable hard to nail down...
Foucault reports:

At around 12:10 I headed to the college of inco The Anvil, hoping to catch him coming back from lectures or on his way to lunch. However, after looking around the College and lurking outside his block for 20 minutes I did not see him. Perhaps a more direct approach is required...

[14:30 PM] Matthew Patel makes attempts on 1st Earl of Salisbury, Christopher Powell and Orange Potato. But doesn't catch any of them.

The Umpire notes:

To the Police Force. Hunting incos and wanteds is your job! Why are you letting Matthew Patel do your work for you?! If I catch you all gorging yourselves on doughnuts back at the station then I'll... I'll...
...I'll have one myself actually. I am quite partial to the strawberry jam ones...

[17:00 PM] Captain Camdan lurks for Death! Undercover..., but doesn't find him. Probably because he's undercover...
Captain Camdan reports:

I am becoming increasingly frustrated with my target Death! Undercover.... This evening at 5pm I once again went looking for him at [UNSPECIFIED-LOCATION] and after managing to penetrate its walls was annoyed to find him out yet again. I lurked in the shadows outside for half an hour before admitting defeat, for now... Perhaps it shall be fourth time lucky.

Captain Camdan.

[18:00 PM] James Lester is left with No-Face after attacking Foucault
No-Face reports:

From the outset the omens spoke poorly of my survival, already I could feel the capricious spirits of the netherworld pawing at my essence as I passed through the chill, howling wind that clawed the darkened world about me. Yet I would not be stayed, the only outcome this night could be death, be that my target's or my own, I cared not. In time I reached his abode, no longer were its surroundings drenched in the tomb-like silence I had so relished when last I was there, nay, for all about me seemed to be beings coming and going, inquiring ocular organs glancing with curiosity at the spectre before them.

Tragically, one of these beings marked my downfall, with his friendly words constituting the poison of my doom by notifying my target of my presence. The laughter of spirits of the nether-world filled my mind, calling for my demise, and yet I did not retreat in the face of these portents, but instead prepared for death or glory. As has ever been my custom I rapidly set about concealing myself in the shadows and awaited my prey, wagering that I could well best him if by some quirk of lethal fortune he was unaware of my presence. I waited, feeling my form begin to fade and tear as my time of reckoning approached, I remained watching the portal from which my prey might emerge. Unfortunately however, I was in fact not privy to the true nature of my prey's labyrinthine abode. Thus it was that he unexpectedly emerged from a dormant portal I had failed to account for, and I was cut down in a hail of righteous firepower. As the barbed, many-clawed appendages of nightmarish beasts of the nether-realm rabidly tore chunks from my body I couldn't help but smile; my foray into the realm of man having proven one of glorious darkness in which I had dwelt in shadow and stalked in The Darkness. Ultimately I care not for the horrifying darkness that awaits me as I descend once more into the realm of shadows and primeval horror as, after all, death is but an inconvenience to one such as myself.

Tuesday, 9 November

[08:50 AM] Lt. Simon "Ghost" Riley requests backup.
Simon "Ghost" Riley reports:


0850 09/11/2010

Possible target spotted this morning in UNSPECIFIED_LOCATION, must investigate further, possible sniper ambush required, request backup spotter. Cannot reveal any more information, this is an insecure channel, it is my fear that others are surveilling our conversations.

Lt. Simon "Ghost" Riley

[08:50 AM] Themselves go hungry, as they can't find an Orange Potato

[09:00 AM] Nero, the Romulan Psycho, dies in battle with the wanted 1st Earl of Salisbury.

Bang-kills are generally to be used as a *surprise* attack at 1 metre or less. They can be used in open combat, but only at utterly point-blank range. So if you could kill the person by stabbing them with a knife, you could bang-kill them with a gun. If they're out of arm's reach, don't bother trying.

[11:10 AM] The Anvil doesn't get dressed up by an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini
an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini reports:

The Anvil would have been interested in that fashionable of items, an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini, but he seemed to be out.

[13:55 PM] Drone Two of Nine assimilates the long-wanted Christopher Powell (Malcolm Reynolds AKA CAPTAIN Reynolds)
CAPTAIN Reynolds reports:

When you're a wanted criminal, I guess it's to be expected than an alliance cruiser might happen to notice you going by while out and about. Fireflys aren't really built for combat.

CAPTAIN Reynolds

[15:30 PM] Bone Marrow prepares to siege the 1st Earl of Salisbury
Bone Marrow reports:

Today Bone Marrow have attempted to slain the evil 1st Earl of Salisbury. After successful infiltration of outer defences the hero was stopped by impenetrable magical force field inside the dark castle. Bone Marrow tried to lure the enemy out of his lair, but failed in the attempt and had to strategically retreat in order to gather forces and lay a full-scale siege in the future.

[19:00 PM] an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini fails to catch Kiwi Sin or Orange Potato. It also fails by shooting an innocent...
an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini reports:

Orange Potato's housemates were amused by the sight of an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini floating around the house, but decided to get rid of it, since Orange Potato would apparently be somewhat unimpressed at their taste if they allowed it to remain. The Jesus incos didn't get as far as seeing this crime against fashion, but their neighbours did. Making an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini not only a crime against fashion, but also against the game rules. Fail.

[23:00 PM] Christopher Wells (The Anvil) is finally put down by Yeoman J. M. Colt
The Anvil reports:

I was killed tonight
At the hands of J. M. Colt
With an RBG.

Wednesday, 10 November

[00:00 AM] Yet *another* anonymous bounty. They are stacking up...

One packet of chocolate digestives (or biscuits of your choice, available at Sainsbury's) for whoever kills Adam Greig whilst he is in his room.

[01:00 AM] Death! Undercover... finds himself insufficiently undercover to take out Amelia (Amy) Booth
Death! Undercover... reports:

I happened to find myself on approximately the route the wanted criminal Amelia (Amy) Booth uses to travel. So I decided to see if she'd turn up. After merely a few moments waiting, a familiar looking figure on a bicycle appeared. I then checked my weapons, and realised I was insufficiently concealed to launch a surprise killing strike, and not heavily armed enough to win an outright fight, so we briefly negotiated and continued on our ways.

[09:40 AM] Bone Marrow's siege of the 1st Earl of Salisbury (Adam Greig) reaches fruition...
Bone Marrow reports:

The sun dawned upon the magnificent city of Salisbury and the armies preparing for battle. Bone Marrow has decided to launch a full-scale assault on all gates in case his support plan would not work. The battle was not to be easy. Salisbury was an ancient fortress with high towers, thick walls and mysterious defence mechanisms.

"No defenders on the walls. They must have succeeded." he thought. To confirm it the nearest gate opened and a rider sprang out towards the command tents. As the rider got closer it could be seen that he held one hand up in the air forming his fingers into "V". V for Victory.

The night before, a unit of assassins was dispatched to terminate the 1st Earl of Salisbury in his chamber. First, that would prevent bloodshed of frontal assault. Second, that was a condition to receive a mysterious bounty posted on Earl's head.

After the failure of the first assassination they must have been even more cautious. Unfortunately, a strong force field disabled all water magic, only melee weapons could be used. They managed to infiltrate the defences and set a trap in front of Earl's chamber. The plan was simple: stab him as soon as he opens the door. And that is what happened. Even though Adam Greig was well armed he didn't manage to change his fate.

As Bone Marrow stepped over the still-warm body he noticed a note: "I guess I am dead. I posted a bounty on myself. If you did it in my room take your bounty (biscuits)."

Amazed by Earl's courage and thrilled by the magnificence of the bounty, Bone Marrow and his armies left to look for another prey.

[12:00 PM] Captain Kathryn Janeway, Lieutenant Malcolm Reed and Drone Two of Nine search out the slackers, killing Christopher Pike in the process.
Kathryn Janeway reports:

Life is tough in the delta quadrant, slacking will not be tolerated. Kathryn Janeway, Two of Nine and Malcolm Reed went to visit Kiwi Sin, The World's Expert On Getting Killed, Christopher Pike and Ensign Harry Kim. This resulted in the death of Christopher Pike at 12.18 yesterday.

[12:30 PM] Magos Biologis watches the competition over The Anvil's corpse.
Magos Biologis reports:

There were others going after the same target today. Who were they? I heard there was an inquisitor on this world, but I thought he was dead already?! This is too much for one techpriest to handle. I'm going to lay low for a while.

[12:30 PM] With Mr. Beverage's location known, Compo's hunt begins...
Compo reports:

An initial reconnaissance mission reveals the location of my target and suitable routes of entry. Soon his time will come!

[13:00 PM] Curly Brace slices up Daniel O'Brien (Matthew Patel)
Curly Brace reports:

Having received a tip-off I mounted my bike and rushed for the engineering department, my buttery lunch still reeling inside of me. Half way there I got another call telling me time was running out. As I arrived my informant was walking out, but his face was like a sheet of paper - my target was only a few steps behind him! Thankfully I had already stowed a large sabre in my trousers, and as soon as I was behind him I drew it and slashed him to kingdom come.

Matthew Patel reports:

Word of advice kids: a cycle helmet may save you from concussion if you run into a lamppost, but does nothing to block a decapitating swing from a foam sword.

I'll get you next life Pilgrim.

[14:30 PM] FreeMuRa tries a new strategy...
FreeMuRa reports:

After the last time I have decided that it should be easier to hunt down my victims during the day time, when they are not feeling too suspicious... so today around 14:30 I went to unspecified college, where 2 of my targets were supposed to live! what an efficient hunting it could be!... I went to one of their apartments, knocked on the doors... nobody opened, then I went to another ones and got the same there... I heard some sounds in the kitchen, but I did not know how my victim looks like, and so there was no point to go in there... I waited till they finish their social habits, but nobody entered my victims room... on my way back I went through the first targets room, but today it wasnt my day, though I feel that I am getting closer and closer....

[19:00 PM] Neal Carr (Augustin-Louis Cauchy) faces down J. M. Colt, and both are killed!

Thursday, 11 November

[00:00 AM] Lt. Simon "Ghost" Riley's long hunt comes to a disappointing end.
Simon "Ghost" Riley reports:

0000 11/11/2010

After 3 days in sniper observation trying to identify 1st Earl of Salisbury, many hours of close observation in [UNSPECIFIED_LOCATION] and some incredibly crafty internet stalking which resulted in a Flickr stream of the targets trip to [UNSPECIFIED_COUNTRY] over the summer I was finally able to confirm target. To my horror the moment I cease observation to do some research the target was taken out at another ambush location.

[09:50 AM] It seems that Magos Biologis is on Citizen Erased's list...
Citizen Erased reports:

Another day, another failed attempt to find Magos Biologis. This is becoming a habit.

[11:00 AM] Lt. Arnold Rimmer shoots the corpse of Augustin-Louis Cauchy
Arnold Rimmer reports:

[11:11 AM] 11:11:11:11:11:11... you get the idea. Unfortunately, Pillow didn't actually kill anyone...
Pillow reports:

11-11-2010 11:11:11 was the time, Selwyn college was the place. Magical time for magical kill, or so i thought. My victim was nowhere to be seen.

[12:05 PM] Neal Carr (Augustin-Louis Cauchy) is not having a good day. Foucault also stabs him...
Foucault reports:

I stabbed the Inco Neal Carr as he was leaving lectures at about 12:00 today. I was then informed to my dismay that he had already been killed, several times.

[22:20 PM] The Russian eludes T3H 1337 K1LL3R
T3H 1337 K1LL3R reports:

"TR13D 2 5T4RT 4 F1R3. TH3R3 W3R3 N0 FL4M35." ~ T3H 1337 K1LL3R on fighting fire with no fire.

[22:45 PM] 5 pieces of Chocolate isn't too much, right? It is for Jack Jackson (5).
Chocolate reports:

Card-locked doors and confusing accommodation are so much less problematic when it's your college.

5 reports:

Oh noes I am teh deadzor! Chocolate yesterday dispatched me swiftly as I staggered bleary-eyed from my rest on hearing my name in the communal kitchen. After being incompetent for so long, it's no one's fault but my own...

Friday, 12 November

[00:54 AM] as lightning flashed across the sky the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons checked up on The World's Expert On Getting Killed and some Kiwi Sin, but found neither.
as lightning flashed across the sky reports:

Tonight [Unspecified college] resembled a ghost town, at least as far as the presence of assassins was concerned. Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons and I dashed through the buildings under cover of night, seeking out our victims' rooms... but attempting to open locked doors is beyond our prowess, for the time being, and without that skill we were at a loss...

Hope was kindled outside Kiwi Sin's room, as a group of people chattered outside his door, unwittingly in earshot of us. But whilst engrossed in a riveting conversation (about the apparent fact that 'my mate' and 'mommy' sound ever so similar), they refrained from identifying each other by name. Such a shame.

The World's Expert On Getting Killed also provided us with unfulfilled optimism, for the lights were on, and possibly somebody was home. But if he was present, he didn't deign to let us know. The hunt will continue another day.

[12:01 PM] The Russian is caught by an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini
an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini reports:

It was stabtastic.

The Russian reports:

To the Great Leader Umpire,

With most deep regret I must report that at 1200 today, your loyal spy, the Яussian, was removed from the struggle by the cruel dagger of enemy agent an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini, after a translation class at the Sidgewick site. Stabbed in the back with knife most cunningly disguised as pen (probably poisoned with polonium, too), with my last breath I bequeath the fate of the Motherland to the hands of more capable assassins.

С любовью,

The Яussian.

[19:30 PM] INCOBASH Mk 2! A *lot* of dudes go out hunting, but only manage one kill: Cormac Doyle (Janitor911)
Two of Nine reports:

Met at 7, disbanded about 8:30. Went to look for Cormac Doyle, Deathwhisper, Kiwi Sin and The World's Expert On Getting Killed.

Cormac Doyle was killed by a nutter running after him with a Scythe.

Pavel Andreievich Chekov reports:

Large group of police followed someone into unspecified accommodation, but no incos were in. On way to next college- we were not being particularly subtle, one of us was carrying large nerf gun and another had scythe- someone saw us and ran away. He tried to wait around corner- but scythes reach around corners!

After being sent to second college on wild goose chase, we arrived at third college. Neither inco was in.

Professor Moriarty reports:

As part of the police force, I felt it my duty to join in a little hunt organised for tonight. At 7pm there was a group of people gathered in front of Corpus with a thirst for blood... oh sorry, no, with a genuine wish to make Cambridge a safer place. First we conquered the corridors of Corpus Christi though without much luck. However, when making our way to our next destination, [UNSPECIFIED_LOCATION], we suddenly saw one of the police, who'd fallen behind, running after someone. It was all very exciting, so we decided to follow (oh and yes, to do our duty as maintainers of the peace). And indeed, the chase resulted in the night's first (and only) kill! Cormac Doyle from Corpus met his death by the means of a scythe - what a pleasant way to go. After a detour to [UNSPECIFIED_DIFFERENT_LOCATION] to follow Cormac Doyle's allegation that someone was hiding an inco in their room, we finally tracked down the scent of two [UNSPECIFIED_ORIGINAL_LOCATION] incos, but sadly neither of them was in. :( And that was where the night ended. One down, plenty of more to go!

Kind regards,
Professor Moriarty

Janitor911 reports:

I was lured out of hiding by the promise that Queenie was amongst my ten assailants. I was lied to.

Kiwi Sin reports:

I was honoured to have Alex Guttenplan knocking at my door last night. Unfortunately I was in London, so I guess he'll just have to use that mind of his to catch me!
-Kiwi Sin

[20:15 PM] Random Strategy doesn't work when your target is already dead.
Random Strategy reports:

Random Strategy strikes again! This time, he organised the assassination in advance, so that the element of chance could be determined easily from the safety of his room (using a dice), rather than outside in the cold. He planned to 'meet' Christopher Wells at approximately 20:15 on the 12/11/10. Everything went according to plan except for one thing: upon arriving at the scene, Random Strategy found only a rotting corpse. Christopher Wells, it seems, had been killed several days previously. Random Strategy's pet killer octopus had been expecting fresh meat and only took a smell bite out of the corpse before spitting the lot out in disgust. One thing to learn from this is that apparently, when the random decisions are made in advance, the random cause of failure is also determined in advance.

[22:20 PM] Despite there being a hoard of them, the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons do not get through to The Russian
Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons reports:

Trying to get the lead over a fellow conspirator, Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons continued the hunt for woefully imbecilic players by spending an annoyingly long time trying to gain entrance to The Russian's fortress. Eventually, a ramp over the outer wall was built allowing some of the hoarde to climb over the other's bodies in a form of deranged-monster pyramid. All was to no avail as they lacked the skills required to break down the doors to the inner sanctum, thus no foul deeds of murder were achieved.

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