Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 1 News

Friday, 15 June

[16:00 PM] Let the games begin!

Good luck, everyone!

[16:35 PM] And we're off! Tarty Pime Fother Muckers guns down Daniel "I have no need for a pseudonym because I live out in the middle of nowhere and no one's going to bother coming out here to kill me and I'm too lazy to go hunt people down so it'll probably just be like last year where I had no actual involvement in the game (except for Pirate Punting which will be happening again this year and you should all come to). Also the game." Baker!
Daniel Baker reports:

I think I need a new pseudonym.

[18:00 PM] The carnage continues as Tarty Pime Fother Muckers wastes nunc est necandum (Roseanna Pendlebury) with a water gun, and a mysterious accomplice!

[20:10 PM] The Dark Knight (Jack Brewster) falls to the NiteOwl! Is this the end of Gotham?
Jack Brewster reports:

Tried to kill NiteOwl with an attack animal. Accidentally threw it over his head, and got killed whilist waiting for it to be returned!

[22:05 PM] The Nulecimator strikes! Le Panfa Rouge von Crobag le Premiére (Sam Twist) is slain by a throwing knife to the chest.
Nulecimator reports:

By the foolhardy announcement of his evening plans, Sam Twist bought himself a swift death when I (with Tinky Winky for backup) killed him by a throwing knife to the chest.

Sam Twist reports:

I was cruelly betrayed by my porter as he let my old foe, Nulecimator, loiter inside the lodge ready to strike with his throwing pens! Perhaps I am a lemming? It does not matter because no one is safe from Von Crobag, not even 125ft away...

[22:05 PM] A pseudonym change! Nulecimator shall henceforth be known as Unecimator.

Saturday, 16 June

[12:00 AM] Eats, Shoots and Leaves (Emily Room) played games, left temporarily and was shot by Charon's Loyal Customer.
Emily Room reports:

Doing something wrong here...

[04:00 AM] Charon's Loyal Customer (Greg Weir) is shot by Eats, Shoots and Leaves!
Eats, Shoots and Leaves reports:

I played utterly silly games with chess pieces doing very silly and bizarre things, shot Charon's Loyal Customer shortly after leaving, and then went to sleep. Significant improvement, but very little sleep...

[08:00 AM] Charon's Loyal Customer (Greg Weir) is again shot by Eats, Shoots and Leaves!

[10:30 AM] SpongeBob DoomPants and a mysterious accomplice make an attempt on Trollsassin. It's not very effective.
Trolsassin reports:

SpongeBob DoomPants reports:

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob DoomPants! Whose accomplices can't pull off dishonesty? SpongeBob DoomPants!

Spying a chance to gain his first kill, SpongeBob and his undersea accomplice exited the number 1 submarine at the lair of Trolsassin. Unfortunately his cohort bottled it and announced herself as a friend of Mr DoomPants. Trolsassin sadly refused a challenge to settle this like sponges, and we left.

[12:00 PM] Charon could do with finding a new loyal customer; his previous one's been poisoned by Eats, Shoots and Leaves!
The Umpire notes:

Eats, Shoots and Leaves used poisoned lipstick for this kill, which I have allowed her to use. Secondly, I remind players that killing the same person repeatedly will earn fewer and fewer points. Mix up your targets a little!

[17:30 PM] Aaron Domnoob goes hunting for Ultraraptor and nunc est necandum...
Eats, Shoots and Leaves reports:

Aaron Domnoob, the greatest noob-slayer ever, wanted to try out his new weapon he had just spent the day manufactoring: the giant bionic spoon! This is truly a weapon perfect for killing noobs, since it was made by myself, and I am mighty. Unfortunatly, Ultraraptors are apparently noobs since they weren't in when I visited.

Following this, nunc est necandum was not killed now for the simple reason that the noob refused to open the door after Domnoob made the PERFECT excuse to get in: "I live here". Honestly, Domnoob even did a study beforehand which showed that the top reason most people gave for going into a room was "I live here". So how could that excuse fail? It's the top reason! nunc est necandum must have been an utter noob not to fall for this. The giant bionic spoon will have to be used to pwn noobs another day.

[18:05 PM] Eats, Shoots and Leaves. Well, eats, has a tense shootout, kills Charon's Loyal Customer (Greg Weir), THEN leaves.

Sunday, 17 June

[05:30 AM] Charon's Loyal Customer kills Eats, Shoots and Leaves (Emily Room).
Charon's Loyal Customer reports:

First to remember Assassins is a thing post-May Ball...

[09:30 AM] In revenge, Eats, Shoots and Leaves kills Charon's Loyal Customer (Greg Weir)!
Charon's Loyal Customer reports:

Mad scramble for weaponry. Mine's just out of reach...

[13:30 PM] In a shocking twist, Charon's Loyal Customer resurrects and immediately kills Eats, Shoots and Leaves!
Charon's Loyal Customer reports:

*STAB* "Is my watch slow, or are you dead now?"

[14:19 PM] SpongeBob DoomPants kills Broseidon (Nye Redman-White)!
SpongeBob DoomPants reports:

SpongeBob DoomPants spied Broseidon in his watery domain, and let rip at the bro-god of the sea with his four-pounder Nerf gun. As Broseidon dove beneath the waves for cover, Cap'n DoomPants prepared a broadside, then fired all guns! Broseidon now sleeps with the fishes.

[14:20 PM] Tinky Winky ambushes Unlecimator (Martin Levine) after his cardboard voyage....
Tinky Winky reports:

Broseidon had foolishly attempted to go onto the Cam in a boat made of cardboard, and when he inevitably returned to the bank drenched with water I was fortunate enough to bump into him.

[14:45 PM] nunc est necandum (Roseanna Pendlebury) is brutally slain by SpongeBob DoomPants!
SpongeBob DoomPants reports:

SpongeBob DoomPants has been splattin' the Latin. Nunc est nuncandum is knifed. Knifus. Knifiemundi.

[15:43 PM] The Assassin with No Name stabs Charon's Loyal Customer (Greg Weir)!
The Assassin with No Name reports:

Stabbed unsuspecting college father-in-law Greg Weir at the market. My wife may yet forgive me.

Monday, 18 June

[13:35 PM] SpongeBob DoomPants kills Eats, Shoots and Leaves (Emily Room).
SpongeBob DoomPants reports:

SpongeBob DoomPants diverted from his journey to lunch in order to to hose down Eats, Shoots and Leaves I guess you could say he.....Shot, left and ate.



[15:30 PM] Ultraraptor (Hannah Mclaughlin) hunts tacticallemon, but ends up killing an innocent, and then is shot down by her intended prey!
Hannah Mclaughlin reports:

Felt I should make a contribution to the game (noooo) - went looking for Addison Shore and his fruity friends!

A friend enters his door! I shoot the person I see inside! Run away but get chased and shot! Turns out the guy I killed was an innocent. Oh well.

tacticallemon reports:

Well, today someone showed up to my room. A friend happened to be bringing something back from the gyp room and on their way they were shot viciously. I swiftly avenged the innocent's death in a short firefight between rubber and nerf darts.

[18:45 PM] Charon's Loyal Customer has his revenge and stabs The Wandering Spleen (Maddie Sharman)!
The Wandering Spleen reports:

Was stopped short in the middle of my dinner by an unexpected dagger to the ribs - Charon's Loyal Customer has his revenge!

[19:00 PM] Random Strategy and Looks like I forgot to bring a pseudonym have a firefight. Neither are killed.
Random Strategy reports:

Random Strategy attempted to slay Looks like I forgot to bring a pseudonym with his giant bionic spoon. Unfortunately, an innocent decided to warn him and Random Strategy only just managed to get his giant bionic spoon stuck in the door. Following this Random Strategy attempted to fire his rubber band gun into the room but missed. He then attempted to use his waterpistol, but the room was no water (oops... sorry) so it had no effect. After a while, the giant bionic spoon was finally removed from the door.

Later, Looks like I forgot to bring a pseudonym and Random Strategy fought in the corridor, and Looks like I forgot to bring a pseudonym managed to hit Random Strategy. Unfortunately for him this time, it was with a full water weapon (while the corridor was water with care) so it also had no effect. Both parties decided to leave so that they could duel the next day (hopefully).

[22:45 PM] The Wandering Spleen resurrects and kills Eats, Shoots and Leaves (Emily Room)!
The Wandering Spleen reports:

Having bided my time until life returned to my recently deceased body, stabbed the unsuspecting Eats, Shoots and Leaves whilst she was distracted by sparkly lights in the sky.

Tuesday, 19 June

[13:20 PM] Duocimator successfully recovers from his fatal stab wound from Tinky Winky (Toby Cristford), and then gets revenge!
Duocimator reports:

After a slow recovery from being fatally stabbed by Tinky Winky, I looked around me and saw my killer eating lunch outside, a botched attempt to sneak up on him resulted in a firefight. Poorly prepared, he ran out of ammo after his opening shots missed so I finished him off with a shot to the chest.

[18:30 PM] Eats, Shoots and Leaves once again dispatches Charon's Loyal Customer... (Greg Weir)

[19:00 PM] A bar fight ends in the death of Duocimator (Martin Levine)!
Tinky Winky reports:

While relaxing in the college bar, I suddenly noticed Martin enter the room, and fortunately he hadn't noticed me. I grabbed my gun and fired a shot into his chest.

[19:30 PM] SpongeBob DoomPants (James Blackshaw) attempts an ambush, but is ambushed himself!
James Blackshaw reports:

Shot in the back by Eats, Shoots and Leaves while on the way to set up an ambush for her at the pub. To add insult to injury, my derringer posthumously misfired. Ladies, I swear that's never happened!

[21:10 PM] Eats, Shoots and Leaves attacks The Wandering Spleen...
The Wandering Spleen reports:

Sat with bated breath, safe in hand, for 15 minutes, waiting. A crackle on the intercom; my faithful accomplice answered, and gave me the pre-arranged signal: "Scrambled eggs!" - The enemy were in the house! My time was at hand. A head appeared on my staircase; I let the safe drop- Alas, it fell straight past my intended target (Charon's Loyal Customer) and made a large dent in the stairs. My bedder will not be amused...I fumbled for my back-up as a second person appeared on the staircase; I shot Charon's Loyal Customer in the back of the head and received a faceful of bullets/water from Eats, Shoots and Leaves for my trouble. As it turned out, Charon's Loyal Customer had already crossed the Styx, to return in a few hours, and Eats, Shoots and Leaves had taken me down with a cunning plan - using Charon's Loyal Customer as both bait and a human shield.

The Umpire notes:

I'm disallowing this; players should not use dead players as bait. Maddie Sharman's score is unchanged.

[22:30 PM] Eats, Shoots and Leaves kills Charon's Loyal Customer (Greg Weir), yet again.

[23:00 PM] Murder at RockSoc as Trolsassin (Dan Baker) stabs goblins (Tom Duncan), shortly before being killed by Cyborg Ginosaji. An innocent bystander is killed also.
Cyborg Ginosaji reports:

The Cybord Ginosaji will hit you with his giant bionic spoon, again and again and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again. He will not stop until you are dead. Not even Trolsassin can troll the Ginosaji.

Wednesday, 20 June

[08:00 AM] Eats, Shoots and Leaves killed Charon's Loyal Customer (Greg Weir).

[12:05 PM] What's this? Eats, Shoots and Leaves killed Greg Weir again?
The Umpire comments:

Come on, Charon's Loyal Customer, fight back!!

[17:00 PM] tacticallemon knifes Charon's Loyal Customer (Greg Weir)!
tacticallemon reports:

Bumped into Greg Weir today... he didn't recognise me until the knife was deep in his back...

Thursday, 21 June

[01:30 AM] Tinky Winky (Toby Cristford) is mercilessly dispatched by the Duocimator
Toby Cristford reports:

I was sitting down outside during the King's Affair when I spotted Duocimator. I reached for my gun and fired a quick shot which missed, but he had already seen me and quickly killed me.

[05:45 AM] Revenge! Tinky Winky headshots the Duocimator (Martin Levine)
Tinky Winky reports:

Going for a walk after King's Affair before bed, I crossed Midsummer Common at about 05:45. The place was completely deserted except for a couple of people walking down a path near to me. I looked closer and realised that one of them was Duocimator! What were the chances? I charged towards him with my nerf gun, possibly frightening him and his companion somewhat, and managed to get a headshot.

[18:05 PM] Revenge for the revenge! Or to put it bluntly, Tinky Winky (Toby Cristford) is exterminated by the Duocimator...
Tinky Winky reports:

Walking out of the cafeteria with a tray full of food Martin stepped out from behind a corner and shot a water gun into my chest. A skillfully executed kill.

Friday, 22 June

[00:20 AM] Eats, Shoots and Leaves kills Charon's Loyal Customer...

[10:00 AM] And again!

[12:00 PM] Peter Rabbit goes on a hunt, making attempts on several targets...
Peter Rabbit reports:

Peter Rabbit vizited nunc est necandum, gummy bear and Ultraraptor. Wiv a gun dat shoots bunny rabbits. But juicy prey not found. Peter Rabbit sad. Also where on earf iz F208? Peter Rabbit iz not good wiv orientasion.

[13:30 PM] Von Crobag dispatches NiteOwl (Tudor Balan)
Von Crobag reports:

Surely thou didst not doubt my skill? Surely thy knavish brain could not even contemplate such a thought?

Perhaps then, mine humble, yet lavish, words might set those of weak mind reassured and those of unsteady sword arm quivering, for the mightiest knight on life, myself, Von Crobag, has defeated a traitorous opponent from within mine own lands!

A true gentleman never forgets a turncoat and must surely chastise him on soonest convenience.

Thus it came to pass that, feigning goodwill and sweet sustenance, I led this traitor of days past, who goes by the name NiteOwl, into mine abode where, unsuspecting, I slew him with mine mighty steel!

As a true gentleman, I then took the still writhing corpse of mine old friend into the local tavern and bade the serving wench to wet him!

Perchance I should stumble upon the Duocimator, I might lend him to the same fate...

And now I cry mine traditional battle cry!


[15:45 PM] A duel! Between Random Strategy (Matthew Fitch) and Looks like I forgot to bring a pseudonym. Looks like Looks like I forgot to bring a pseudonym prevailed.
Matthew Fitch reports:

Random Strategy and Looks like I forgot to bring a pseudonym finally had there duel just in time before the game ended. Looks like I forgot to bring a pseudonym used his superior knowledge of the terrain to first shoot off Random Strategy's left leg, then managed to finish him off a few minutes later. Random Strategy should have used a chainspoon this game. They're far more effective than waterpistols, giant bionic spoons, and guns that shoot rabbits.

[Sometime before 4...] Treachery! tacticallemon stabs Nakkieran Lawrence and catches Chris Greer in the side with a thrown weapon.

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