Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 2 News

Thursday, 7 February

[10:04 AM] A vicious Teeth-related death for Eleanor Brug (cereleste)
Teeth reports:

Fortune smiled upon me this morning. While seated in my first lecture, I did overhear someone address my target by first name. In making small talk I confirmed her college, and had the further good fortune of seeing her full name written on the front of a folder she took out. For the first time in many weeks I was not on top form, as I had foolishly left my trusty knives behind, but as we left the lecture hall at the tenth hour, I drew forth a handgun from my bag. The bullet struck her in the head. I believe her dead.

cereleste reports:

At 9:50 this morning after Cereleste left her maths lecture, the girl who happened to share my name, and who happened to have been sitting next to me during lecture, pulled out a gun and shot me in the head.

[10:50 AM] The Trollrus impales Vamsee Bheemireddy (Darth Revan)
Darth Revan reports:

I have finally been cut down by a cunning enemy! This morning, as I left the laboratory where I was performing dark and devious research to aid my plans of conquest, I was ambushed. The assassin called my name as I walked through a door. My guard was down due to a long period of no food or sleep and I acknowledged my name. I immediately realised my mistake and tried to dodge away, but it was too late and her blade slid between my ribs. This may be the end for me, but the Dark Side can never be truly defeated. I shall return...

The Trollrus reports:

ARC ARC ARC! *subtle and complex contortion of flippers and tusks* Translation: The Trollrus is delighted that he has taken down one of his targets. He was heaving his chromatic bulk from [LECTURE ROOM REDACTED] to [LECTURE ROOM REDACTED] at around 10.50am when he spotted one Darth Revan leaving [LAB REDACTED]. Readying his iridescent tusks the Trollrus waited for the target to leave [LAB REDACTED] before lunging at him and impaling him with a razor-sharp tooth.

[15:00 PM] Bolg, son of Azog the Defiler, Lord of Gundabad scavenges the deceased Ram Sarujan
Bolg, son of Azog the Defiler, Lord of Gundabad reports:

Today, we feast on manflesh! Come on, ya' bunch of scumbags, it aint fresh but it's the only thing you're getting! And be quick about it! We aint gonna reach the Lonely Mountain at the pace you snivelling cowards are crawling!

[18:21 PM] Total Commander court-martials Nick Lynn (super hans)
Total Commander reports:

This unit was shocked to be told of the identity of a traitor and double agent, super hans, who this unit had made contact with in the past and who resided in the same College. After ascertaining his identity, a mission was rapidly organized and he was terminated with extreme prejudice while eating at the mess Hall.

[20:00 PM] Run away, it's The Soup Dragon! Oh, you all already did.
The Soup Dragon reports:

Today I ventured out of my soup cave in search of naughty froglets to add to my soup. My first stop was Catz where I lay in wait for Krem-Fresh, until I was disturbed by a horrific clanging sound (possibly made by the iron chicken). I moved on and became hopelessly lost in the soup caves at UNSPECIFIED COLLEGE, wandering for so long that I began to hunger for soup. When I eventually located the cave occupied by super hans I found it blocked by a giant boulder. Though the boulder was removed by a friendly clanger I lingered only a few minutes before my hunger for soup overruled my thirst for orange blood. Rest assured that I shall return... on a full stomach

Saturday, 9 February

[16:01 PM] The Trollrus crushes Eleanor Loukes (Teeth)
The Trollrus reports:

ORC ORC ORC *over-enthusiastic flapping of flippers and tusks* THUMP *sounds as of a Trollrus falling down the stairs*
The Trollrus is delighted to inform the Guild of Murderers (editorial note: Trollruses don't have a word for assassin) that he has killed one of the more incompetent murderers in the guild, Teeth. He had spent a happy afternoon flolloping around [FIELD REDACTED] and was on his way home when he realised that the incompetent murderer was in his vicinity. As soon as they were all well away from the meeting (around 4.30pm), he lunged for her with his razor-sharp and iridescent tusks and the victim promptly diiiiiiieeee...
The Trollrus did not complete his message due to over-balancing in his enthusiasm over his kill and falling down the stairs.

Teeth reports:

As I was returning from a society meet at approximately the fourth hour, I was cruelly distracted by an acquaintance who knew of my unfortunate status as incompetent. After waiting for me to start talking about my favourite obsessions, she took advantage of my distraction and shot me with her pistol. The shot was to the heart, and I knew nothing of it until death claimed me. A clean death, and one I deserved for lowering my guard and for failing to carry my trusted weapons.

Sunday, 10 February

[15:32 PM] qt3.14 1 out of three... will do? At least you got James Brown (Jimmy Saville MkII)
qt3.14 reports:

being tired and ashamed of being on the incompetent list, I took up my sword and went on a quest to kill more of my fellow assassins. First stop was Kim Jong Unbelievable, who had left his door unlocked, so I charged in where I found him lying in bed and I stabbed him, only for him to tell me he was already dead. Next I went to Jimmy Saville MkII, who was kind enough to open his door when I knocked so I could quickly dispatch him with a quick stab through the chest. I attempted the same technique on TheMagician, but unfortunately he was smarter, refusing to open the door saying "I'm not that stupid". Looks like I might have to get more subtle...

[18:28 PM] The Surgeon kills Tom Flynn (HAL OGEN). Can't have been a very good one, then
The Surgeon reports:

After learning from his friends that his was still alive and in fact a legitimate target, I brought justice down upon the incompetent HAL OGEN with my blade in buttery this evening.

HAL OGEN reports:

Police brutality! I was stabbed yesterday evening in buttery by John Darlison (Queens'). Eugh! Arrrrg! [Dying noises]

Monday, 11 February

[18:00 PM] A Random Strategy is too unpredictable for Nathan Smith (Shemming's Butler)
Random Strategy reports:

I have learned of one more who refused to join our great empire: a certain Nathan Smith. He was rather incompetent and easy to deal with. I doubt he was much of a threat, but it is better to be safe than to feel a dagger in your back.

Shemming's Butler reports:

Sadly, I was defeated

Tuesday, 12 February

[10:00 AM] Possibly Brunch is definitely dead. Irishman X kills Hannah Vandersluis
Irishman X reports:

Stabbed a shocked Hannah Vandersluis as she moved between lecture sites.

Possibly Brunch reports:

I was stabbed in the stomach and bled to death outside my lecture this morning in front of numerous onlookers. Nobody attempted CPR and I was pronounced dead at the scene minutes later.

[10:33 AM] Another unsuccessful attempt on PseudoTron4000
TheMagician reports:

Went looking for PseudoTron4000 this morning at Pembroke, hoping to get him leaving for lectures, unfortunately no success /The Magician

[10:47 AM] Pineapples are tasty, but Albert Wesker is merciless. Unlucky, Yu She.
Albert Wesker reports:

============================================= INTERNAL E-MAIL: FOR UMBRELLA CORP. EYES ONLY ============================================= RE: Successful improvements in the Z-Virus I am starting to enjoy my tests. I realise that this could eventually be a fatal mistake on my part as I need to keep myself detached and perform scientific observations on the effects of my wonderful, beautiful virus. But the power and the evidence of my intellectual prowess it is truly intoxicating. My mind is consumed by a need to test it further. It must be PERFECT for when my doom will be brought down upon the entire word: a day I like to term "The Release Date". Minor improvements to the virus were made after the frankly embarrassing meeting with the Soup Dragon. A small amount of horizontal gene transfer using lentiviruses from the host bodies was enough to increase the potency. I now had to expand my reach. This was not just an outbreak for Raccoon City, this would have worldwide repercussions. Therefore, restricting myself to tests on local subjects would be folly. I needed to go deeper. I eventually selected Yu She, originally from China, as my new target. Using my trusted accomplice, Ada Wong, I was granted free access to an entire block of flats. To this day, I am not sure what she does, but that is irrelevant now. She was clearly not prepared for an attack, as her door was left open. I simply strolled in and fired one clean shot. Her friend could only watch as the beast emerged from the corpse of Miss She and savaged her under my command. Today has been a good day. ===================== END OF INTERNAL EMAIL =====================

[11:30 AM] Revan redeems himself from the darkside, killing inco Kiara de Kremer (Krem-Fresh)
Revan reports:

As I awoke, fleeting images of combat and knives flashed before my eyes, ghostly echoes of something in my past that I could not remember. They were quickly dispelled leaving me with the knowledge that I, Revan, am a member of the Galactic Police force, tasked with apprehending the incompetant and wanted killers who posed a threat to peace. Deciding there was no time to waste, I scoured the lists of known assassins and realised that today, I would have the opportunity to take down one with little difficulty. I proceeded to a meeting at which I knew she would be present and waited patiently. Sure enough, she arrived and we talked for a while. She was completely oblivious to her impending doom. As the meeting concluded and all members left, I followed close behind her. Drawing my blaster from my bag, I called out to her. As she turned, I looked the criminal in the eyes and pulled the trigger. Her lifeless body dropped on the spot, another threat eliminated.

Wednesday, 13 February

[10:39 AM] Thorin, Son of Thrain, Son of Thror, King under the Mountain can't seem to catch The Soup Dragon. Perhaps you need a burglar?
Thorin, Son of Thrain, Son of Thror, King under the Mountain reports:

Today, for the second time in a row, I failed to kill the evil dragon known as The Soup Dragon. On both occasions I arrived at her lair a few hours after sunrise, in the hopes of catching her as she left her lair to wreak havoc on the surrounding villages. It seems however, that this is either a very lazy dragon and was at this time still asleep, or a particularly keen beast, already out wreaking havoc. The third alternative is that she was indeed in her lair and awake, but only the most cowardly of dragons would not come out and take their chance in a fight with a dwarf. Due to the elusiveness of this beast, I am giving up the attempt on her life for now, but if she is not slain soon by another, I shall be back for her blood!

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