Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 2 News

Friday, 1 November

[14:30 PM] Your faithful companion cube,isn't so faithful to Farida Flanelle as they battle it out!
Your faithful companion cube reports:

Today,14:30 : I found myself back, weapon in hand. After knocking on My Targets door his bemused room mate started chatting to us. He seemed a pretty decent bloke until suddenly, from the top corner of the door, my target emerged wending forth water from a glass. Thankfully due to my impressive backwards jumping reflex that I obtained from being raised by a colony of cats as a child I escaped the icy death along with my accomplice. We hung round for another ten or so minutes occasionally firing warning shots at the door but nothing came to be and we left.

[14:30 PM] Renowned Sneak Thief in the area, Carmen Sandiego sighted!
Carmen Sandiego reports:

Acme Computer

64K Ram System


Detective at keyboard, please identify yourself

Gunther Gumdrop

What is your sex


Enter your security code

Headquarters, 2.30pm


National treasure was almost stolen from COLLEGE REDACTED. The treasure has been identified. It seems that Carmen's gang broke the first two layers of security around the target, but were unable to break the last lock and had to abandon the operation for fear of being caught by the security guards. Experts say that the gang must have been able to see the target, which must have been very disappointing for them.

Female suspect reported at the scene of the crime.


National treasure was almost stolen from COLLEGE REDACTED. The treasure has been identified. The lack of forced entry means that this must have been an inside job. Recommend you begin by questioning those who had access to the treasure room. Fortunately, the treasure had already been moved. Police are being criticised for not using this as a trap to catch the dastardly female.

Female suspect reported at the scene of the crime.

[14:45 PM] Boatie sails through atatck, Farida Flanelle survives an attempt to scupper his efforts!
Rah Rah First and Third reports:

At around 2:45 some non-boaties came to end the life of Rah Rah First and Third. With only 10 minutes before my social life could resume in the form of a rowing outing, I hastily hurled acid in their direction in an attempt to snuff out their non-boatie lives. Their cat reflexes ensured their survival, and I was faced with the realisation that rowing mattered far more to me than any mortal life. Holding my blades in hand, I leapt out of the room to find them gone, presumably terrified by my 2k split time. Oarsome.

[16:58 PM] An interesting request The Weaver ,declares its own incompetence.

The Weaver was winding his/her way home (just to confuse my many nemeses!) when I decided to drop another call of one of them. The panel displaying inhabitants showed his name, but alas, the light was off! The Weaver had taken measures against at least one loose end on this occasion, however, and decided on a 15 minute lurk, ready to spring my web of death upon my sworn foe! He is indeed a sly one, and did not return for the entire 15 minutes, all the while the Weaver's web slowly unwound. Thwarted for the third time in a row, the Weaver slunk her/his way home. WE WILL MEET AGAIN, MWAH HAHAHAHAHA!

As this was the fourth unsuccessful outing I have made, I respectfully suggest the almighty umpireness cast me down into the web formally referred to as "The incompetence list".

The Weaver

umpire's note: actually the number of valid attempts you made hs ensured your continued competence..., being inco is the state reserved for those who shy from killing...

[19:30 PM] QB runs riot in the aquarium and ends The Life Aquatic of James Robson - known as Salavant
QB reports:

After receiving my latest assignment, I worked on a plan. I knew my target, so there could be no doubt as to his identity, and this also meant I knew when I was likely to find him, and where. Once again, unfortunately, my plan would not come into fruition, as opportunity again presented itself too early. With my trust and now well-worn knife in my pocket, I headed out to another society meeting, where I knew my target would also be, but did not imagine I would have the opportunity of an attempt. On the way to the meeting point, however, I spotted my target ahead, and hopped forwards to greet him, followed by a knife to the stomach. After some dispute and ambiguity as to the sportsmanship of this kill, due to the target transporting some items for the same society meeting, the powers that be deem it acceptable, and I strike another off my list. CONTRACT TERMINATED.

[21:15 PM] Ashrak has mutton on the menu and hunts down Killer Sheep,Matthew John - known as Matt
Ashrak reports:

I entered my target's room while Halloween themed pre-drinks were in full session. I immediately spied my target, in full mime gear, retrieved my gun and shot him in the head. Death was instant.

Killer Sheep reports:

I regret to inform the guild of my death. While enjoying a beautiful Hallowe'en partay with my friends, I threw away the caution I held with abandon. I endeavored to partay the night away, dressed as a mime (J'aime les mimes). As I sat amongst all the humans, my assassin stormed in, gun in hand. We exchanged a glance and I knew what was coming. A bullet shot my neck and I bled out. I am no longer. Non cogito ergo non sum.

Saturday, 2 November

[12:55 PM] Gordon Freeman successful fends off and dispatches Douglas Hall who Deliberately Left Blank his pseudonym!

[13:00 PM] Rah Rah First and Third bumps off Ganja Mouse,James Robbs
Rah Rah First and Third reports:

The start was so much better than yesterday, sharp and crisp. The wind felt solid, and the rhythm change at the lengthen was massive, we strode to a beautiful 34 and began 'our race' in earnest.

The cool, collected call was 'Ok. Lift.' Perfect delivery, perfect execution. I didn't feel any change in rhythm, there were no personal pushes, just a resolve to squeeze on the legs and move the boat faster. The boat complied and we pushed away, earning us our first whistle on Ganja Mouse coming out of the Gut. However, a crab by our 5 man, ensured this gain was lost.

Ganja Mouse were apparently 4 lengths ahead coming into Ditton, lost two of those lengths through the corner, hit the headwind and then basically began moving backwards. There were two or three strokes just past the railings when both boats only had seven people rowing: Farida was busy scraping paint off the top of Ganja Mouse's stern and their 7 man was fending off stationary crabs while trying to avoid contact with our rapidly-advancing bow. Quite satisfying.

Final Results: Ganja Mouse bumped by First and Third by soaking him in paraffin and setting him alight.

Ganja Mouse reports:

Peak timez. Man got slewed by own college bredrin. Man's in Hall ends and wanders over to da target man knows that manz bladrin is an assassin but last year they wuz tight). Man sez "Wahgwan fam!", and clocks sum chung ting entering Hall. Mandemz like "skeeeen fam" (gurldem was peng) but then dashes sum paraffin over man no long ting wiv no warning. Total betrayal. Also, to da gurldem (now ded too, appaz) braiv enuf to slip in manz college endz last coupl'a days, set man an email - manz phone number is only for da chronic

[13:00 PM] Breakfast goes bad! Mightily Oats are bad for Mr Blue,Claudio Falco

[13:45 PM] Not so Ace, taking down a Joshua Phillips - known as Josh's neighbor before taking out his target - a sure way way to get WANTED!
Ace reports:

At roughly 1345 today, I stopped by to kill someone. I went in through the lodge and located his corridor. He happened to be entering his corridor at the same time as me so he let me in, unlocking the corridor door. At this time neither of us knew who the other was. It pains me to admit that, due to a misreading of room numbers, I killed one of his neighbours (a non-player) with a throwing star. I turned away only to see my target entering his own room. I threw the blood stained throwing star at his chest and informed him that he was dead.

Umpire's Note: Welcome to the wanted list...

[14:00 PM] Unleash the hounds to the hunt! Rover goes a hunting!
Rover reports:

On Saturday afternoon I decided finally, now was the time to strike. I had been gathering information all week and was ready to make an attempt on at least two of my targets. Armed with many concealed weapons and a faithful accomplice ready to die ignobly for my cause, I began the long journey to my foes. Yet alas, the first house I came to was locked, what a horrible barrier! Undeterred I rang up to the first room, inquiring if entry was possible. It seems however that luck was not on my side, and apparently 'I'm afraid I'm going to kill them' is not a valid reason for entry, despite previously gaining information that suggested it might be. Onwards then to the second target, but again upon arrival I was thwarted by the lockedness of the door! News of my (un)killing spree must have spread, as the denizens of this area would not even deign to respond to my calls for entry, even though I could plainly see at least two of them were home. Dismayed, I returned home, already plotting for future attempts. It seems that perhaps Rover was too apt a name, and maybe I should have picked something a little less eternally-wandering, a little more vaguely competent.

Sunday, 3 November

[13:29 PM] In discovering The Higgs,Atlas disproves the existence of Sreya Saha, making them disappear in a poof of logic!

[14:05 PM] The Candlewick's flame extinguished by a passing Pelagia Noctiluca. Matthew David March is no more...
Candlewick reports:

At 14.05 today I let a "long lost friend" in from the cold. After a brief but charming conversation during which my hangover adled brain came to the realisation that I in fact did not know this person, I enquired "are you an assassin?" and attempted to keep some distance between us. The cunning attacker had, however, had the foresight to go about manuevering me into a corner during our conversation, foiling my last minute and poorly planned attempt at escaping. The last thing I knew was a broken bottle piercing my heart.

Pelagia Noctiluca reports:

He unwisely allowed a stranger under his roof, and suffered the consequences of a concealed broken bottle. He remained suspicious throughout but it was not enough to save him as he was foolishly unarmed.

[18:11 PM] Justice is Swift: Rufus Scrimgeour dispatches former Ace, Alexander Chong Kwan
Rufus Scrimgeour reports:

Activity report

Date and time: 03/11/2013 at 18:11

Operatives: Rufus Scrimgeour

Mission: Capture or kill Ace, wanted for the murder of a muggle on the 02/11/2013 at 13:45


Casualties:The subject, Ace, was killed.

Detailed Report:The subject had gone into hiding in another country known as 'Girton'. After a long and tiring trip, I discovered the house he was hiding in. I caught him as he was leaving. He attempted to flee back inside, but I quickly cursed him. He died shortly afterwards from said curse.


[19:50 PM] It seems someone's out to corrupt the police!
Gilderoy Lockhart reports:

Today a mysterious package arrived at my door, the implications of which are troubling... I thought it would be a bound copy of my latest book, Frolicking with Fairies, for me to proof-read, but no. I suggest there may be a double agent here in the DA stirring up trouble. Please see the photograph.

[21:50 PM] justice is served: The Spine tracks down and kills the elusive Carmen Sandiego and her partner Thomas Ruddle
The Spine reports:

Carmen Sandiago lies dead in a brightly lit corridor. There is no blood left in her body, and on her neck, two puncture wounds. In the distance can be heard the receding echoes of a pair of skeletal feet clicking across cobbles and a very faint, leathery flapping sound, as of a bat following his master home. Let it be known that the Spine has made his first kill, and that it shall not be his last.

on behalf of

The Spine

Carmen Sandiego reports:

Acme Computer

64K Ram System


Detective at keyboard, please identify yourself

Gunther Gumdrop

What is your sex


Enter your security code

Headquarters, 10:15pm


Carmen Sandiego has been reported killed. Experts believe her to have been midway through one of her dastardly experiments when a trained assassin broke into the laboratory. Cause of death was seemingly some sort of animal, judging by the bite marks on the neck and traces of poison in the blood. Ms Sandiego clearly refused to let the assassin get hold of her experiment, destroying it with her last breath. Police have been reprimanded for not getting to Ms Sandiego before her untimely death.

Rookie Gumdrop, your assignment is to get after this killer and bring her to justice!

(From beyond the grave, Carmen Sandiego is upset that she can't use this format again)

Monday, 4 November

[09:58 AM] Jonny Phillips's Hedgehog doesn't fare so well near bonfire night, and is drowned under the oars of Rah Rah First and Third
Rah Rah First and Third reports:

At the catch, the rower places the blade in the water, then applies pressure to the oar by pushing the seat toward the bow of the boat by extending the legs. As the legs approach full extension, the rower pivots his or her torso toward the bow of the boat and then finally pulls the arms towards his or her chest. At the very end of the stroke, with the blade still in the water, the hands drop slightly to unload the oar. These stages of the stroke are where pressure is applied to the oar through the water and comprise the drive of the stroke. The recovery phase follows the drive.

The recovery involves removing the oar from the water, and coordinating the body movement to move the oar back to the catch position. This consists of: The rower pushes down on the oar handle to quickly lift the blade from the water at the release. Following the release, the rower rapidly rotates the oar to cause the blade of the oar to become parallel to the water at the same time as pushing the oar handle away from the chest. The blade should come out of the water square and then feather immediately once clear of the water. After feathering and extending the arms, the rower pivots his or her body forward. Once the hands are past the knees, the rower compresses the legs which moves the seat towards the stern of the boat.

Rowing... shot ... rowing rowing rowing....

Hedgehog reports:

I must report that while I was quietly departing my lecture, an unknown assassin lay in wait. Appearing in front of me, he clinically shot me through the heart from point blank range, ending my life. Unfortunately, he vanished before I could determine his identity, probably to hunt down his next victim

(Yeah, pretty much I'm dead...)

[09:59 AM] Vicious Trolling, the Comments Section's viciousness kills off Allexyz,Gemma Annetts
Comments Section reports:

Events of 9:59

Faridaflanelle: Shot Gemma Annetts at 9:59 today. She seemed surprised. Please like and subscribe.

The Joker: First comment!

Rahrahfirstandthird: Super cool dude

Penguinslol13: Like if you're reading this in 2013

Johnsstudent4: Common misconception, Gemma Annetts is in fact a lecture theatre

Girl_power: Dislike

Nooneissafe: Check this out, if you read this section backwards you get Illuminati propaganda worldconspiracy

Comicbookgirl19: I read this comment before it went viral

NRAfan2002: It's people using guns like you that are causing the bees to disappear.

Shoewantstobeamillionaire: Click here for free shoes!

Alternative report:

Gunned down an innocent girl due to my own incompetence. Poor thing.

Note: This comment has been flagged as inappropriate. The user has been removed from this section.

[17:15 PM] Batman not needed. Pulvinar ends Joker's manic reign and shows him as Joe Tomkinson
Joker reports:

Alas, I am dead! It's quite funny actually, looking back; I had just this morning received threats attached to a mutilated kitten when picking up my gun supply, and was turning a new careful leaf in murder. Then I had some time to kill, so I went on one last careless attack. The person who answered the door was clearly not whom I was after, but went to fetch them. Inside, they prepared, while I innocently waited outside. At the last moment before I walked off, just before I got suspicious, they returned and led me in. I was then sprayed whilst picking out extra bullets at the bottom of the stairs, dying before I could even see the attack.

Pulvinar reports:

I was fortunate enough to have had one of guards forewarn me of his intrusion so was able to apprehend him with my water gun and kill him before he was able to reach his target.

Tuesday, 5 November

[19:50 PM] The Verb is to lurk, but unsuccessful outside the lair of Vogon Jeltz
Verb reports:

lurk/ verb; 1. to lie in wait for one's target 2. (obs.) to shirk work

[20:06 PM] The Umpire Makes Comments Section wanted for killing an innocent!

[21:30 PM] Alas Hedwig,Neethu Billy Graham - Mariam is slain, mauled to death by the cub of BuzzBear.
BuzzBear reports:

I managed to kill her by unleashing my intimidating attack bear (I tapped her with it). I have attached a photo of the bear for your amusement.

Wednesday, 6 November

[15:00 PM] Dr Zeus hunts down Nobody and is still unsuccessful!
Dr Zeus reports:

Being in the area of my target's accommodation, I decided to pop round to say hello. I navigated my way through a labyrinth of corridors, only to discover that he wasn't in. I opted instead to leave a scary note stuck to his door. I will be back.

[17:15 PM] Mary Wollstonecraft kills a thieving Magpie(Jodie Coates - known as Jo): that'll teach you to steal shiny stuff!
Mary Wollstonecraft reports:

My competence deadline looming, I headed out through the cold November rain, trusty revolver at my side. My target, proved difficult to track down, her lair located at the top of an intricate maze of doors and staircases. My knock on her door was greeted with silence, but voices from a nearby gyp room attracted my attention. I looked in, finding my target and an innocent. I dispatched her quickly with a single shot to the chest, and left her shocked friend to dispose of the corpse.

[17:44 PM] Its a bad time to be in the doghouse. Rover chews up Enkvir,James Harry Brett on home turf!
Enkvir reports:

I brought a sword to a gunfight...

Rover reports:

Today a would-be killer was killed during his attempt on my life. I was in my room studying with a few friends when a knock came on the door. All the usual suspects were with me, so I was instantly suspicious. Scrambling for a gun, I opened the door hesitantly, to be greeted by a man holding a pad asking for me by name. I replied in the affirmative, then displayed impressive athletic prowess by leaping back to dodge the ensuing cardboard stab, and shot hastily at him. After a brief pause, having established my bullet had merely ripped through his hand, he frantically fled, with myself in quick pursuit. During the first attempt his dagger had snapped in two, but even throwing the remaining shards at me were in vain, as once again my face failed to connect with the incoming death. More than can be said for my bullet and his fleeing back, which connected just fine. Stumbling the last few feet he collapsed dead to the floor. Let it be known - Rover doesn't have to rove to kill.

Thursday, 7 November

[08:35 AM] Argh indeed, the last sound of Xincheng Wang - or Mark as he was killed by the Stripey Mongoose!
Stripey Mongoose reports:

I have the pleasure of reporting my second kill. I was able to catch *pseudonym* as he was leaving his room (after navigating the complex ground of his college), and followed him as he began the walk to his lecture. I briefly panicked as he diverted from the route I had predicted to enter the porters' lodge, but overall he seemed to remain unaware of my presence. As he exited the lodge with friends I continued my pursuit, which resulting in me releasing my killer rabbit upon the back of his head a few moments later. As Scruff has a liking for brains death came swiftly to him.

[11:35 AM] Vogon Jeltz lurked outside lecture theaters today, but my target failed to emerge.

[12:00 PM] Blitz Crank attempts to crank up the pace of the game, but fails
Blitz Crank reports:

I tried to escape the reach of the dreaded incoming incobash by establishing my competence with a kill. Unfortunately my plan to wait outside my target's lecture hall and kill him as he emerged was thwarted by the hall's multiple exits, and as I stood dumbly outside one of them, he sneakily escaped through another. He is clearly a worthy adversary...

[12:44 PM] Sully Kupiec-weglinski foiled by locked door!
Sully Kupiec-weglinski reports:

After managing to get myself into Location undisclosed thanks to some anonymous contacts I have, I quickly located the target's room. The adrenaline was pumping. I told myself, 'just try to open it'. Locked... Clearly there is some level of security here. I tried knocking, hoping that maybe he'd let his guard down, but no, apparently, people from Location undisclosed aren't always in their room. Or, he's just being very careful not to answer the door. I had hidden around the corner so that he wouldn't see anyone through the spy hole. Unfortunately, I returned home disappointed without having had the thrill of the kill.

[14:30 PM] Your friendly neighborhood Spiderman dropped by a targets room today but they avoided death by the clever tactic of not being in.

[16:05 PM] Lock up and head for the hills:GLaDOS kills MOC,Molly O'Connor.
GLaDOS reports:

Rise and sh-ine, rise and shine. Not that I wish-to im-ply you have been sleeping on-the job but leav-ing your door un-locked at such a point-in the game is fool-ish at best.

[16:20 PM] Really Lock Your Doors, GLaDOS is on the rampage and takes down The Spine,Isobel Sands in its lair!
GLaDOS reports:

If you're interested just step into the portal and I will take that as a yes. Otherwise, well, I can offer you a battle you have no chance of winning, ra-ther an anti-climax after what you have just survived. Well it looks like we wo-n't be working to-gether. No re-grets , you should have locked your do-or.

Status: Observation Terminated

Post Mortem: Refused offer of employment.

The Spine reports:

There are many lessons we can learn from classic tales of horror, chief amongst them that creatures of darkness are often most vulnerable during daylight hours, in the place where they feel most secure. Such is my end. However, classic horror also teaches us that the undead rarely remain below ground for long...

[19:00 PM] Gwen Kirkland hunts down the feared Stripey Mongoose,Heather Britton
Gwen Kirkland reports:

Entering my target's staircase while she was out at dinner was much easier than first anticipated, thanks to a very helpful accomplice and a conveniently unlocked door. Arriving at around 6:45pm, I didn't have long to wait before Stripey Mongoose appeared on the stairs. She spotted me and sprinted for the sanctuary of her room, but alas her door did not open before my knife found her back.

[20:00 PM] Tarquinius Superbus realises magic is no match for firepower and shoots Tarquinius Superbus,Stanislav Fort - known as Stan
Tarquinius Superbus reports:

I shot my target with a semi-automatic rubber band gun while naively responding to door knocking. She died well. -Tarquinius Superbus

[20:45 PM] Blasphemy of the highest order. Tarquinius Superbus shoots The Holy Pope,Sebastian Scholl.
Tarquinius Superbus reports:

I shot my target with a pair of weapons - my semi-automatic rubber band gun and a banana-gun. A trickery was used to fool the victim into believing that I was a person of a friendly attitude. He died well. -Tarquinius Superbus

[22:30 PM] Astarael's deadly call claims the life of Teduardo(Edward Carroll - known as Robert)

Friday, 8 November

[01:00 AM] Hagrid tracks down but doesn't club to death Marietta sneak Edgecombe.
Hagrid reports:

Made my way down to Hogsmead as i had found out that Marietta sneak Edgecombe frequents a local wateringhole. Even though I was towering over the people I could not spot him, maybe he had decided to stay in tonight. Had to consolidate myself with some Firewhiskey.

[04:30 AM] Not so fast now..., The Fast Lurker(Tom Flynn) is tracked down and killed by a Sassassin
Sassassin reports:

Knowing that the incompetence deadline was looming ever closer, I went to my supervision fully equipped with weapons to go out hunting after an hour of hard work. I relayed my sinister scheme to the other student in my supervision and invited them to come along as my faithful accomplice. They agreed, and so we set off on an epic journey through the blustering winds and pouring rain across the lands. At around 4:30PM we arrived at the college of residence of my victim and we crept through the back entrance as to not alert anyone to our presence. I cunningly sent my accomplice ahead to see if they could spot my target as I had used my powers of clairvoyance previously to gain a physical description of the mark, as well as their place of residence. I was given the signal that my hunt would not be in vain today as the other Assassin was foolishly just outside his room talking to his neighbour. A fatal error!

I felt adrenaline pump through me as success or failure would be mere minutes away. I spent a moment choosing between my arsenal, finally deciding that my attack lion hadn't been fed recently and it would kill two birds with one stone. I prepared Rory to pounce as soon as I had lured my prey from his room. I knocked on his door and hid in the shadows from his sight, as this close to the incompetence deadline he may be suspicious of strangers nearing his door. I detected movement from his room and readied myself to give the signal for Rory to maim and dismember. The Assassin opened his door quickly and fired a projectile at me, but I nimbly avoided it and set Rory on him. I drank in the glory of a successful kill whilst my lion drank the vital blood of the recently deceased Assassin.

The Fast Lurker reports:

I was chatting with my friend outside my room when I saw two shifty looking characters heading up the stairs. One of them was wearing a kitten hat. Hmmm. Anyway, they continued on nonchalantly, and shortly later I went back to my work.

knock knock

Paranoid as ever, I approach the door. Peer through the syphole. No-one. But... wait. At of the very edge of the view - no - a kitten hat? Oh, okay.

This is it.

The day I was waiting for.

I knew they'd come.

I knew what I had to do.

I return to the desk, and pick up the semi-automatic rubber band gun (ruler). Would they be expecting me to come out firing? I hope not. I'm tense - I could spend more time thinking about the weeks of preparation that have lead to this point - how much hangs in the balance, but I mustn't loose the element of surprise. I need to be fast.

Right hand. Handle down. Door back. Left hand. Forward. Point. Fire. Legs. Dodge back. Arms. Reload. Eyes. Cover. Beyond that, I'll just have to improvise.

I don't have time to aim, so I don't know where my first shot is going to go. I just hope in the spilt second of chaos I get lucky. After that, things don't quite go as expected.

I guess I just wasn't expecting the Lion.

Hell, there's a lion outside my room. Now it's on top of me. First thoughts: ahhhhhhh. Second thoughts: I've only got a not-reloaded band gun. I'm probably screwed. Third thoughts: How did they manage to get *that* up the stairs without me noticing?

Can you hide a lion under a rainco

I'll never know. I'll never ask. It's too late.

| Home || Email |
| News 01 || News 03 || News 04 || News 05 || News 06 || News 07 || Updates || Headlines || police || wanted || inco || stats |
Valid XHTML 1.1