Mission Briefing

As last year, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to assassinate the foreign dignitary who will be visiting Cambridge on Sunday May 11th. I should warn you though; General Pelugoconsandalias Noxiano-Bigotegrande will not be an easy target.

To make your task more manageable, we have been able to glean some information about the General's plans for the day, and the opposition you may face.

Some background information on the General's life and work is also below. If you weren't here last year, you may wish to read the briefing for that event.

A mole in the General's entourage has been able to supply additional detail regarding the structure of his visit. This has been included below. Please check this!

Background Information

Many of you will remember the visit last year of General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande of the South American banana republic of Corquidicolandia. Since then, the General's bastard cousin half removed (we suspect "half removed" may be more literal than previously thought) has usurped power in Corquidicolandia, helped by Vagoysospechoso's former aide and bodyguard, Juan Pablo Hoggoya.

Pelugoconsandalias and Hoggoya sold the previous General to Chief Mario Sainz-Martínez of the CIA in exchange for a drugs franchise, but the Americans were forced to release him because he managed to bribe all their best lawyers to join his side. He has since fled to England, where the British Government were glad to welcome him as their new Education Secretary, due to his ability to "deal with" the masses. He currently lives in a mansion on one of the spacious Royal Estates until Charles Clarke's "resignation" can be engineered without arousing too much suspicion, and spends his days indulging in his favourite pastime of hunting llamas. The rumours that he aims for the ears to cause extra suffering have still not been substantiated, and the strange pieces of leathery material found around the estate have been blamed on the hitherto unknown disease "de Garrotte's Ear Rot".

The new General of La Republica Hereditario Abrebotellas di Corquidicolandia, Pelugoconsandalias Noxiano-Bigotegrande, is also believed to be in Britain at this time in order to consolidate his friendship with the British government. Pelugoconsandalias has a special place in his heart reserved for the British government, a result of a recent deal which offering him immunity from weapons inspectors providing he only "buys British". Shipments of the potentially dangerous chemicals "dihydrogen monoxide", "poly-alpha-glucose" and "alkali metal halides" frequently leave our hallowed shores for Corquidicolandia.

One of the few Corquidicolandian officials to have survived the coup is the government spokesman Mateo Carretez. He has informed us that the General is planning to visit the famous city of Cambridge on Sunday May 11th to gain the support of the infamous Assassins Guild there. He had previously approached Durham, but on meeting their assassins, had came to the conclusion that they were too drunk and incompetent to add to the ranks of the Corquidicolandian elite bodyguard, Los Alamos ("The Llama Hunters").

As honourable assassins we realise that this man is actually a savage menace who must be stopped at all costs. We are totally aware that we said the same thing last year about the previous ruler. However, completely of our own free will, we have realised that at least under General Vagoysospechoso there was no visible blood and the screams were quieter, and so he must be restored to power as quickly as possible. General Pelugoconsandalias must be stopped at all costs!

Rules of Engagement:

Unless specified otherwise, all normal assassins' weapons are allowed. The times and places given below are guides; the general and his bodyguards will do their best to keep to schedule, but assassins are requested to allow some leeway in their attempts. At each location, the General will perform a certain task. The General and bodyguards will be rewarded for:

Assassins gain lots of points for killing the General, and some points for killing a bodyguard. The general and his bodyguards, and all assassins, will be deemed to be resurrected (if previously killed) at the time exactly half way between the times given for subsequent events, subject to common-sense. Everyone will be resurrected for the final battles as often as required. Additional resurrection of the guards and the General will occur if they are all killed, or if the situation merits it. Assassins are recommended to work in small teams.

Where weapons are not specified, anything that is normally allowed in an assassins game is OK. Orange pellet rifles and guns are allowed, but no tanks or shields. Anything unusual should be checked with Rosemary Warner (rjw76) or Jon Hogg (jdh41). Please use common sense and make sure you don't damage anything or inconvenience non-players, especially important university people!

Rules: Other than weapons rules, there aren't many. Please use common sense and don't shoot if there's a danger of hitting an innocent. If you die, you will resurrect after ten minutes or so, providing you get well out of the way. If you remain within sight of the general/bodyguards, you will remain dead. Please use common sense about this as well.

The General's Route

El Generale will undertake some small projects in Cambridge in the hope of attracting the attention of the assassins on Sunday May 11th. Spies report that his itinerary will probably be close to the following:

El Generale Pelugoconsandalias Noxiano-Bigotegrande will arrive in Cambridge at approximately 1pm. By an unknown route, he will proceed to the...

1:30pm — Market

...where he will be liasing with the UN Classification Directorate (formerly UNMOVIC) in an attempt to upgrade the status of his country from a Banana Republic to a Carrot Republic. In honour of this, you are asked to use only hand-held knives (eg. carrots, vegetables, but no throwing) in your assassination attempts. You are requested to be as subtle as possible as this are is full of tourists and we don't wish them to leave with the right impression of our city.

Rules of engagement: No water or messy weapons. Knives (no throwing, need not be labelled) only.

From the market, the General will proceed by a route that will take him past many of Cambridge's scenic colleges, to the...

1.55pm — Union Society Building

...where he will deliver a short lecture upon the history of La Republica Abrebotellas Hereditario de Corquidicolandia and his family's unique history of public service (or possibly, it's unique history of service to his family). Pelugoconsandalias will confirm the official declaration of treason and anathema upon General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande, with the full support of the Corquidicolandian Parliament, and the rest of his family. Formal dress prefered, those judged too shabbily attired will be shot.

Rules of engagement: No water or messy weapons. Pellet and Rubber band guns allowed.

After receiving his standing ovation, El General will proceed by secret ways to the...

2.20pm — Senate House

...where, it has come to his attention, General Vagoysospechoso received an honourary degree from the University last year. He will therefore "petition" the Council to be invested as the new Vice-Chancellor in place of Professor Richard in order to have this award rescinded. The recent injuries sustained by the previously prospective new (and female) Vice-Chancellor are entirely unrelated to this campaign, according to Spokesman Matzew-Garrot'em. It is suspected that he is not aware of the meaning of "Vice" in this context, as his other policies include spraying all students who fail to gain a first class degree with dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO). In carefully controlled circumstances, of course. He wouldn't want people to know that he has an almost infinite supply of the stuff. As this venue will also contain many tourists, you are limited to RUBBER BANDS, PELLET GUNS, and KNIVES ONLY (note the slight change). We really don't want to alarm anyone...

Rules of engagement: No water or messy weapons. Knives and Pellet and Rubber band guns only.

From the Senate House, the route heads, via a stop to pick up a secret stash of DHMO-containing weapons, to the...

3.10pm — Chemical Munitions Suppliers

...which masquerades as the "Centre for Mathematical Studies", and is incidentally is disguised against the spy satellites by the grass on the roof. Here, the General wishes to make a deal to acquire more of his precious DHMO, and possibly some rarer chemicals such as "alginates" and "solid hydrogen hydroxide complexed with lactates and sucrose". He also hopes to speak to the architects of such a well-designed building, so he can model his personal underseas-subterrainian nuclear bunker on the design. He is known to be particularly impressed by its missile turrets and sealed torture chambers (cunningly labelled "lecture rooms"). A short DHMO presentation ceremony may be conducted on the roof. Please be careful not to annoy any of the maths department using the place legitimately.

Rules of engagement: Full water weapons allowed. No combat inside the buildings.

From the CMS, the General will head to...

3.35pm — Selwyn College Gardens

...which is believed to be the alma mater of one of his bodyguards, Padre Muchos Muchos-Miniones. The General hopes to seek religious guidance in this quiet location. He is said to be particularly intrigued by the Christian practice of "baptism" as he has heard it involves application of his favourite chemical Dihydrogen Monoxide to the subject's forehead. Due to an obscure regulation, you are banned from using throwing weapons in this location. There are rumours of darker religious practises being demonstrated by the good Padre as a way of keeping followers interested and on their toes (those they have left, anyway).

Rules of engagement: Full water weapons allowed. No throwing of things.
(Not throwing anything in Selwyn gardens is a genuine college rule. Anyone using throwing weapons will be disqualified.)

The final location is...

4.00pm — Lammas Land.

This quiet area to the south of the city hides a private hunting retreat for the use of South American dictators. Llamas are available for shooting, and fresh ears are attached to them daily. After any ambushes in this area, the General is likely to stay in this area so he can challenge any assassins thinking themselves worthy to battles. These battles are open to anyone, and will mostly be with water weapons, between 4:20-5:00. Water will be available fairly close by.

Rules of engagement: Full water weapons allowed.

Your Opposition

The elite bodyguard of Corquidicolandia, Los Alamos, suffered great losses during the coup. Of the original six who visited with the General last year, only the "loyal" Juan Pablo Hoggoya (codename: Senor Pizarro) remains. The agent codenamed Senorita Amapola is thought to be helping to organise a plot in Cambridge to restore the old regime, and she is believed to have been joined by her colleagues Raul Llama de la Maravilla (Doctor Mandarino) and Tomata Garnetti (Senora Prado). Eduardo Nokčs (Marquis de Marina) has disappeared in very mysterious circumstances, and Bjoern Again (Profesoria Rubio) is thought to have moved to a far away country where he is writing a critically acclaimed thesis on "The Art and Statistics of Killing".

Although the information we have is sketchy, we have been able to glean some information on the new recruits. We have been unable to learn some of their real names, but we have provided pictures and English translations of their surnames below:

picture of Oca Madre

Oca Madre (Mother Goose): This lady is the head of the secret police, and has something of a tendency to take new members of Los Alamos "under her wing". She is known to be extremely paranoid, so don't try to sneak up on her. May bite when cornered.

picture of Barbadetraidor

"Barbadetraidor" Bigotegrande (Bearded Traitor; real first name unknown): Barbadetraidor is a distant relative of the two contenders for power in Corquidicolandia, and as such may feel torn between them. He has carefully developed a reputation for trustworthiness and honesty, but only time will tell exactly where his true loyalty lies.

picture of Pizarro

Senor Pizarro (Mr Black): Real name Seneschal Juan Pablo Hoggoya. He was awarded with the office of Seneschal after he proved to be instrumental in General Pelugoconsandalias' coup. Known to be rather unsubtle in his methods, Hoggoya has a sizeable criminal record, killing innocent victims on at least two occasions each year. His past crimes have, of course, been pardoned by the new General. The photo is a computer-generated update of the one provided last year.

picture of Muchos-Miniones

Padre Muchos Muchos-Miniones The Padre doesn't need a codename or any form of secrecy at all, as his main duty is the training of potential members of Los Alamos. Previously a cleric, his ability to gather "associates" did not go unnoticed by General Pelugoconsandalias, and therefore the Padre left his quiet life for something much noisier, bloody... and strangely more fulfilling.

picture of Borracho

Macacquo Borracho (the Drunken Monkey) Borracho's outward appearance as a drunken Irishman disguises his ability to kill people quickly and effectively. Possibly the muscle behind Los Alamos.