Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 1 News


Sunday, 18 October


[00:00 AM] Hello Recruit. Your first mission awaits...
The Governess reports:

Hello Recruit,

Are you ready for your first mission? Ready to collect those star stickers? Good good. Let me start you off simple. Your mission is to assassinate a target. Kill the President in a sense.

Welcome to 2002 CE, to the country of La Republica Abrebotellas Hereditario de Corquidicolandia. It is a small but important llama herding country providing the most soft llama wool cushions that I have on my reclining chair. Your target is El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande. He is the to-be military dictator of this country and an avid llama hunter. At 3pm local time, he will be travelling to the presidential office to perform a coup de etat. His coup would result in the country falling into war, famine and most importantly, llama extinction. Kill him. I need those cushions.

The General and his body guards will be operating under secret names:

  • El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande = Vedanshu Mahajan
  • Bodyguard Lieutenant Senorfarquaado De Verdurasybongos = Yuhang Xie
  • Bodyguard Cuidadoa Conlas Rotulas = Tsveta Todorova

Find them, kill them.

I will transport you to 2002 CE at 2pm local time. An hour should be enough to set up any ambushes or plans. Remember that you are not alone. Other agencies and agents will be trying to do the same thing. But if they kill the General, you won't get your stars. Eliminate the competition and get more stars. Capiche? The route is currently being downloaded from the Big Bad database and will be given to you at 2pm local time.

In the event of your death, our cloning machine will bring you back. It will take some time and will pull you out of the timeline so you can no longer partake in that mission. Stay alive, recruit. Death is messy... in terms of paperwork.

Don't disappoint me,

The Governess

-----

Timeline:

  • Sunday - President team details posted
  • 2pm - Game goes live. Route posted
  • 3pm - President team begins their route


[00:01 AM] Anonymous Bounty!

There once was a hot tub who rhyming

Set bounties with unequaled timing

If targets condemmed

In minute of end

Your prize will aid you in dining


[01:18 AM] The Umpire (Yuhang Xie) reminisce about 1963. Wait that's not me??
Yuhang Xie reports:

re-enacting dallas 1963 be like:


[01:26 AM] Instead of coin, Hot Tub Rhyme Machine buys steel with rhyme
Hot Tub Rhyme Machine reports:

'On the Plinth in the Bazaar

Sits a blade held by the Tsar

Oh it used to be a board

Yet t'was turned into a sword

I'm afraid I have no cash

So to the bank must dash

I hope this is okay

For I have no coin to pay

Lets find a place to meet

In Mains or in the Street

So agents, with this new foil I'll beat'

Hot Tub Rhyme Machine, 5 BCE


[14:00 PM] Let the first event BEGIN!!!
The Governess reports:

Recruit,

The time has come to prove yourself. I will time port you to 2002. Remember, at 3pm the President General will be starting upon their route. See the route attached. It will take roughly 30 minutes for the General to complete the route. But it will take longer due to surprises we have for them along the way. Arm yourselves and get yourselves into position. From now you may kill any other assassin. Eliminate them, my darling.

The president team are:

  • President General: Vedanshu Mahajan
  • Bodyguard: Yuhang Xie
  • Bodyguard: Tsvetta Todorova

Remember I'll be rewarding you stars for your performance. 2 points for a kill. 1 point for an assist. -1 points if you kill an innocent bystander. No penalty for death (you'll just be pulled back to the Agency so cannot continue to participate in the event. Though you may still spectate). Also do not get too close to other Assassins. Or get into battles more than 6. The temporal fabric may tear and break if too many temporal disturbances are in the same place.

For more briefing, read the Events and the Main Rules.

Good luck, I'll be watching closely.

The Governess

The Route has been received for Sunday 18/10/2020. President makes his move at 3pm. Game is live from 2pm.

Points of interest:

  1. La Republica Abrebotellas Hereditario de Corquidicolandia Airport (The University Library)
  2. Scholar's District (Sidgewick site)
  3. Corquidicolandia Women's Rights Headquaters (Newhnam College)
  4. Oil Export Centre (Shell)
  5. Llama Sanctuary (Lammas Land)
  6. Presidential Wildlife Preserve (Coe Fen)
  7. Presidential Office (Cambridge Hotel City)


[15:05 PM] Julius Caesar(whom cannot be stabbed this time around because of social distancing) did not consider that Rook might use a gun and thus dies
Rook reports:

As the timebridge winked into twinkling nonexistence behind us, we hastened to the specified coordinates. The strategy had already been devised in null-time: I was the clean-up man, to take up the slack if the ambush went south. And yet, as we reached the meeting place, we'd been beaten too it. Another agent, outlined in a shimmering chronal displacement field. It was time to improvise. We charged head-on, letting the sparse trees take the incoming maser blasts. We spread around him, waiting until the maser's battery died, giving me the opportunity to take him out with a borrowed disintegrator.

Julius Caesar(whom cannot be stabbed this time around because of social distancing) reports:

At least I wasn't stabbed


[15:20 PM] Zaphod Beeblebrox tries and dies. But finds a good source of olives.
Zaphod Beeblebrox reports:

Mission Report:

Zaphod Beeblebrox, intrepid explorer and inventor of the Pan Galactic Garbleblaster set forth for a small blue-green planet in the uncharted backwards of the western spiral arm of the galaxy, sector ZZ9, Plural Z Alpha, in order to bravely kill the President, El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande, an Earth-Man whose death, he had been promised, would get him the olives his Blaster so desperately needed. In an attempt to blend in, he used the Heart of Gold's infinite improbability drive to obtain a bicycle, and set out, searching for the President's party. With little to go on, he tracked a group following roughly the correct path, eventually asking them for directions by the A603 roundabout where he asked the President for directions, before being promptly killed by the President's bodyguard Bodyguard Cuidadoa Conlas Rotulas. This would have felt a touch unfair, but for the fact that he had thrown a knife towards the President, hitting the man's right arm.

Zaphod Beeblebrox would like it to be known that this was all intentional on his part, and that it was merely part of a longer plan to obtain information from the President's party on the location of the nearest olive vendor. Zaphod now wholeheartedly recommends "Mainsbury's" as a source of olives.

Report concludes.


[15:30 PM] Fireheart fails to Make an initial pseudonym (200 character limit).
Fireheart reports:

Bonjour,

I, Fireheart was killed Make an initial pseudonym (200 character limit). at 15.30. As an assassin, unskilled in the art of stealth and technique, I approached the - not so well hidden target- without any sign of caution.

I foolishly revealed my identity and as a greeting I recieved a shower of nerf bullets (and water) coming towards me. It was a true massacre.

While my limbs were being torn apart and I could feel my chest being pierced in thousands of places, all I could think about is the silence that came upon me and my poor son of a cat. He will be left alone with no one to scratch his back. Au revoir my love.

The small collection of hand granades of the form of paper planes I has stacked up could never compare to the monstrosity I was faced with.

Yours truly dead,

Fireheart


[15:31 PM] Whilst Twitch and Rook distracts. Natsuki Subaru strikes from the shadows. El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande, Bodyguard Cuidadoa Conlas Rotulas and Bodyguard Lieutenant Senorfarquaado De Verdurasybongos are all slain. No rookies here! Meanwhile dead Julius Caesar(whom cannot be stabbed this time around because of social distancing) stares at a tree.
Natsuki Subaru reports:

Well, this was a very different experience of time travel than the usual return by death, I thought as I was sent by the Governess. Was this in any way connected? I tried calling Echidna but I wasn't transported back to that (bodily fluid, I mean) tea party. Was it because of the Governess' interference, or just because I don't know the best place to attempt to meet with Echidna here?

Regardless, I was lucky enough to quickly meet Twitch and Rook, and felt much more comfortable with this mission with others who could do more than just yell and run away in a straight up fight. We quickly decided a good ambush spot, and discussed our strategy. There was time before we expected the presidential party to arrive, and as we patrolled, someone shady looked to take a key location in our plan - the building. I don't think he realised that I was supposed to be on the mission too, looking as unthreatening as I did, but he certainly noticed the others, and they engaged as I looked to position myself for a surprise attack. I heard shots, saw him move, followed him while remaining out of his field of vision, but as I moved in a bullet went through him and he fell to the ground.

Appreciative of having such competent comrades, I returned my gaze to our ambush locations, knowing that if one person came more could follow. That was when I noticed another shady character and alerted the others. We encircled the building, but I heard no fire. Worried they had been taken out I came round from my side and threw a rock at this shady person. Luckily it bounced harmlessly off him, turns out some people are just naturally shift as after a moment of brief confusion, I laughed awkwardly and backed away slowly, glad that no-one else was around to witness such an embarrassment. I could already picture Ram's unimpressed but unsurprised reaction had she been here...

With that out of the way, we took our positions for the strike on the presidential party. They couldn't be far. From my vantage point in the trees, I noticed them, but they also seemed to see me. I froze, and tried to keep observing. They spent a very long time across the road from us. I saw they were distracted, so changed position into some foliage from which I could better hide and follow them when they moved. Eventually the did, and after far longer than expected, Twitch was noticed by them and a firefight ensured, Bodyguard Cuidadoa Conlas Rotulas keeping him at bay as Rook burst out of a nearby bush and engaged El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande and Bodyguard Lieutenant Senorfarquaado De Verdurasybongos. It wasn't hard to know where I was needed. I silently jogged towards the latter fight, drew the gun the governess had given me, and shot El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande in the back as I ran past him, his cries didn't alert Bodyguard Lieutenant Senorfarquaado De Verdurasybongos, who dodged a bullet from Rook and remained entirely focused on him, which was perfect for me and I shot him as well. Rook and I looked round and discovered to our relief that Twitch had also bested Bodyguard Cuidadoa Conlas Rotulas.

That sure was a successful first mission, I've found myself some good friends. Let's mop up some of the other agents, I thought, unable to contain an excited smile.

Rook reports:

There was no time for celebration as the convoy's ETA was upon us. My "trusty" laspistol was on the blink, so Agent Twitch lent me an old-school ballistic revolver, and we took our positions. My thermoptic camouflage must have been hit by a stray maser blast, so I was forced to squat down in the pre-Singularity greenery.

Then the convoy was upon us. True to the briefing, they were armed to the teeth, with irritating hard-munition weaponry. E-mag shields were a no-go. I returned fire, appreciating the theatrical noise the antique weaponry made. It served its purpose, distracting Bodyguard Lieutenant Senorfarquaado De Verdurasybongos and El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande's attention from Natsuki Subaru as he decloaked behind them with a Corpo-Liquefier. Mission accomplished. Turning from the steaming puddles my attention returned to the earlier agent. I swapped my laspistol for his maser, giving me the opportunity to admire his rather blase juxtaposition of a 2010s indie game T-shirt and a 23rd C Vantacoat. Classy.

*Bzzz*

My chronometric skullchip was vibrating again. Another bridge nearby maybe? Not, so: some bizarre temporal phenomenon seemed to be rapidly de-liquifying the corpses of the convoy, perhaps some side affect of the intersecting displacement fields. Did we wait, and kill them again, just because we could? It seemed rather futile (and a little cheeky), so we decided we may as well take this opportunity to practice our combat efficiency. Besides, I'd just stubbed my toe, so a fresh clone wouldn't go amiss. Time to cover ground.


[15:35 PM] Rook kills Yuhang Xie as their gun is broken and leave Hot Tub Rhyme Machine dead at the scene! Natsuki Subaru gets Agent #7 in their attempt to flee. (Man what a blood bath!)
Hot Tub Rhyme Machine reports:

Now this is the story all about how My Tub got flipped, turned upside down And I'd like to take a minute, just lend your pen I'll tell you how I got shot in a place called Coe Fen

Up from The Mill, and coming down

I was lookin, and then I said we gotta turn round

Over there, Agents, raising a gun

And all looking for Targets, Dang we gotta run

When we spotted some trees, they were just behind us

To miss that cover would be treasonous

We got right up there and dang, we got scared

And said "We learnin that our antiques are really impaired"

We locked and loaded and tried run away

But I huffed and puffed and that didn't pay

I was hearing a click and I was feeling a bod hit

I put my big gun down, and said "Oh nevermind, fuck it"

Dead now, dang this is bad

Leaving teammates missing a main comrade

Is this what the rest of the term gon be like?

Dang, this can't be alike

My teammates kept running and came to a bridge

The other team had closed, and had moved up to the ridge

If anything, I could say that their aim was trash

And soon eh, it ended, our ambush was smash

We pulled up to discuss for a minute or two

And we said to each other, more points we'd accrue

We looked all around, and to end I declare

I'm writing this up, to the tune of Bel Air

Yes, I rewrote Bel Air. It took about 2.5-3 hours

Oh god, is that song's rhythm such a bitch.

Have fun

Natsuki Subaru reports:

After some brief deliberation, I had suggested we start at the end of the presidential team's route, my reasoning being that if people are expecting them to come from one direction, their focus will not be on what is approaching from behind, and so we trekked merrily through some fields and over bridges, to where the final destination - the presidential office - could be seen. As we passed some geese and crossed another bridge, a team of three people in the distance caught our attention. Rookwas certain this was a team of competing agents - Hot Tub Rhyme Machine, Yuhang Xie, and one other (Agent #7). They were good though, and quickly realised the two of Twitch and Rook were after them, so they ran as I tried to blend into the walkers on the nearby path.

But it quickly became apparent I wouldn't catch them, they were looking to escape from the bridge where we had come, and so I dashed to cut off their escape route as the others engaged and Hot Tub Rhyme Machine fell. They ran straight towards me, weapons drawn but not in a position to be fired, so I sprayed at them and took down Agent #7. Yuhang Xie escaped but Rook was hot on her heels. But it was bad news, she ascended the bridge and had the high ground. In some strange twist of fate, Rook didn't get shot, instead firing even less accurately than I envisioned that useless pretend-goddess Aqua I met in the weird chibi high-school universe would, but eventually he hit the no longer resisting target.

Yuhang Xie reports:

Rook reports:

We found the second group of agents out in the open, easily spottable in their Carbo-masks. They had to be Futurists too, their bodies equally unadapted to the high O2 levels of the pre-Singularity. We fanned out and approached, but they gave ground. We followed. Agent Twitch bade me wait, so I swung the maser impatiently as I fought the effects of the neurostim injectors. Finally, Natsuki Subaru was in position. Then we charged. Here I have to say the T74 Endoskel really proved its effectiveness, as I closed the distance between us and brought the maser to bear on the straggler of the group. Natsuki Subaru engaged the others, dodging the fiery-blue pulse-streaks from their weapons. Out of the corner of my eye I watched as one of them steamed and collapsed into thick, grey sludge. My focus was on the last agent. We'd clashed before, I felt, on a mission of the distant past, or was it future? This time though, I had the maser. She fired wide from a single-shot pulser, but it didn't stop the maser from searing through her forelimbs one by one. This wasn???t intentional, but I shall blame it on struggling with the AI in the maser's compensator. As the battery finally died, I put one final blast into her chest and watched as her displacement field slowly dissipated. Another one down, although I had a feeling we'd be seeing them again sooner or later.


[15:40 PM] Make an initial pseudonym (200 character limit). makes a limit of Bodyguard Lieutenant Senorfarquaado De Verdurasybongos but get's cancelled by El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande but then (200 character limit) says everyone's over the limit (everyone being Bodyguard Cuidadoa Conlas Rotulas and El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande)
(200 character limit) reports:

I, an ever-loyal subject of La Republica Abrebotellas Hereditario de Corquidicolanda, heard from our mutual acquaintance that His Excellency El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande was to pay a brief visit to the Llama Sanctuary and Presidential Wildlife Preserve near my humble abode. Of course, I hoped to observe su Grandeza from afar, but as I approached the bridge he was due to cross, I noticed a shadowy figure, Make an initial pseudonym (200 character limit)., hiding in the bushes and holding what appeared to be a large gun. !Maldicin! Surely he did not plan to attack our glorious leader?

Wary, I was fortunate to find myself armed with a modest weapon myself. I slowly approached, weapon covered by my overcoat, keen to investigate, but before I could get too close El General appeared on the bridge. Make an initial pseudonym (200 character limit). was merciless - he drew his weapon, jumped out, and shot Bodyguard Lieutenant Senorfarquaado De Verdurasybongos at close range in the chest. I leapt into action, shooting him in the back before he could threaten the General. My mission accomplished, I lowered my weapon and greeted El General and his one remaining body-guard with a warm smile.

Alas, there was no smile there on the return. They raised weapons - thinking I was part of this ghastly plot, they acted as one and returned fire. Staggering backwards, I narrowly dodged the hail of gunfire as I reloaded my weapon, taking out first Bodyguard Cuidadoa Conlas Rotulas and then, when he proved unrelenting with his counter-attack, Noxiano-Bigotegrande himself. Unharmed save by the crushing weight of my actions, I sank to the ground. I had survived the hour, yes, but at what cost?

Mi aerodeslizador esta lleno de anguilas


[15:45 PM] Someone, we don't know who killed Bodyguard Cuidadoa Conlas Rotulas and learned that 9 knives are not enough to survive
Someone, we don't know who reports:

I hatched a plan to ambush the General, and his guards, near the bridges over the river, towards the end of their journey. It gave me a good tactical advantage, as they would have limited options to evade me, and I could get in close easily. I arrived in the area deliberately early. I knew I was under equipped, with only 9 knives, and no gun. This was going to be a hard one. I went over the area thoroughly, finding all the possible ambush points, and deciding on a plan.

The time arrived when the general was due to leave, but since this was a way into the route, I knew the wait might be long. I obtained rations, and lay in wait, blending into the crowd on a bench nearby. The General and bodyguards appeared, and I made to get ahead of them. They moved the far side of a building, and I ran, crossing the bridges before they came into view.

However, this was my fatal mistake. The planned ambush point was between the bridges, not over them both. I only realised my mistake too late.

I had to re-think, and fast. I decided to attack them on the path, leading from the bridge, however, when they had crossed the bridge, another group attacked. I could see the space nearby already distorting under temporal load, I could not join, there were just too many assassins in the area.

I had to turn around, and hope that the fight would distract them enough from my suspicious behaviour.

Now I had to kill time. The fight was taking a while, and I needed the element of surprise, as I was completely outgunned. I could see the bodyguards, and even the general himself, were carrying enough weapons to arm a small nation.

I was waiting, but I became aware I could not stay still for too long, without becoming suspicious. I had to move. I took a turning, away from the path. They followed, I realised that I could not double back without being caught, so I continued. I could still hear them behind me, or so I thought, but as it turned out, it was a different group.

I ran to get back ahead of them, looping along to the path ahead of them. I was worried I might have missed them, but there they were ahead of me. All was not well however, I could tell they were suspicious of me, and had make my move.

I threw one of my trusty knives, and caught a guard, knocking them out of the fight, but before they went down they had fired two shots.

One caught me in the chest. I did not even realise it, but as I went to throw my next knife, it simply fell from my hand.

The next thing I knew, I woke from the cloning chamber, my mission failed.


[15:50 PM] Twitch underestimates an old enemy. Thaddeus Valentine slays Rook and Twitch
Thaddeus Valentine reports:

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URGENT
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G,

I don't when when I can next contact you, so this might be the last you hear from me for a while - Magnus Crome, the
old fool, still believes I am working for him, but he is becoming increasingly suspicious of the other guilds, and I
suspect that the usual methods of communication are being monitored. If you need to contact me urgently, the cabal
should still have that capacity, though of course use only in extremis.

I obtained intelligence that a charismatic anti-tractionist leader from Nuevo Maya was paying us our beloved city a
visit incognito, with only a small number of loyal supporters to protect him. His route having been leaked by an
Ingvaeonic sympathiser, I knew I had to act. When again would I get the opportunity to strike such a decisive blow
for the forces of Municipal Darwinism?

I arrived early to the [REDACTED LOCATION], docking the 13th Floor Elevator to the outside of the Guild of Engineers
and descended to the lower tier by foot. Unarmed save from the C.O.L.O.S.S.U.S., an Old Tech weapon I had recently
acquired from some old associates, I observed the passers-by for some time before my eyes alighted on a corpse resting
against the side of the gutter, recently exsanguinated I assumed by the shadowy trio surrounding him. A common
criminal no doubt, I thought, until a glimmer of recognition sparked and I realised the closer two were both two
of the more unpleasant characters I'd met on these lower levels before. A worthy challenge, I chuckled to myself,
before I realised who their mysterious companion was. The amusement died in my throat as I began to reassess. How
far back was the Elevator? Could I somehow win free and still not lose the day?

This was no Shrike, a seven-foot tall imposing figure with the tell-tale glowing eyes of a Stalker. No, this
creature, still more machine than man, was far more dangerous. Known as Twitch, none of my agents had found anyone
who knew anything about him and had lived to tell the tale, save that he had crawled half-broken from the wreckage
of the Sixty-Minute War and gone on emerge bloody but triumphant from the death-throes of three separate cities.

'This vermin will be easy to deal with' I heard him drawl to his companions. 'We have him outnumbered and outgunned'.
Every muscle still aching from my foolish escalations the previous day, I steeled myself. This would be a difficult
fight. I could expect to win nine times out of ten against a single opponent, but as they split up to approach via two
separate gantries, my brief failure to parley a truce made me question whether I could even expect to hold my own and
survive against such deadly enemies, let alone put a stop to their lethal activities.

I weighed my options. Ahead lay two of them, both fearsome fighters in their own right, steadily advancing towards
my position. Behind me, a monster. But I am Thaddeus Valentine, by Quirke! I did not escape the Dead Continent to be
cut down like a cur in my own city. I span, long coat flaring as I revealed my weapon and the laughter behind me
stopped. Twitch pulled out a pair of firearms himself, and fired on me several times in quick succession. I cut a
devastatingly handsome figure, dancing around the bullets as the man in front of me summoned yet more weapons trained
on my heart. I soon realised that I could not keep this up forever though, and I needed to roll the dice. Abandoning
my dodging, I darted forwards, batting aside bullet after bullet before getting into range and unleashing a gout of
fire into my adversary, his hubristic smile now fixed as he fell.

I span again, conscious that every heartbeat of the fight so far had given the others a chance to close the gap. I was
right; Rook stood a few paces from me, finger already pulling the trigger. Once again I rolled the dice. I ducked
the first volley, and a single deflection was all that was needed to once again get close enough to end this miserable
soul. As I stood between the corpses of my once-mighty foes, Natsuki Subaru offered suddenly to ally with me after
all. I could take that - we had a mutual target in the anti-tractionist after all, and there would be plenty of
time to end his miserable existence once we had dealt with the greater issue.

If only Pandora had been there to see this, I mused with a wry grin. I hadn't lost my touch, after all. I sheathed my
weapon and returned to the shadows to continue my grim vigil.

I will proceed further on your instructions if and whenceforth you deign to make contact. I understand that we are
expecting trouble with control over certain areas of the city in around a week's time, and that failure to handle
such a challenge might threaten the ambitions of Crome in procuring and assembling the MEDUSA device.

The Very Best of Wishes
Thaddeus Valentine

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Sent from the office of Thaddeus Valentine, Guild of Historians. 16th October, 1010 T.E.
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Rook reports:

I didn't have time to rest. My squad-mates were calling my attention over to the other side of a small stream, where a lone figure stood with an immense Plas-Projector around its neck. It could only be the legendary Thaddeus Valentine, here after the same prize we had been. Now this was a worthy test for my borrowed arsenal. Twitch and I closed in from opposite directions. He might be Thaddeus Valentine, but there was no way he???d be a match for all three of us. He was. While Twitch drew his attention and the superheated plas-stream, I sped within maser range. I probably only had time for one shot. Note to self: present more accommodating personality to compensator AIs. The shot went wide, and the last memory I have of the timeleap is my body igniting as Thaddeus Valentine span the plas-Projector around in a blazing indigo arc.

Thus the day came to an end.

Natsuki Subaru reports:

No sooner had we regrouped from our previous encounter than we noticed someone shifty across the river. I recognised that voice as soon as I heard it - Thaddeus Valentine. A chill came down my spine, how did he get here? He was looking for a fight, but I hoped with our team we could take him out. Twitch ran one way while Rook and I went the other. As he and I ran to Thaddeus Valentine, his huge blaster rendered a hole where Twitch's torso used to be. Rook picked up the pace and charged at him, coming very close to killing Thaddeus Valentine before he could turn round, but he too fell. Cursing my lack of athleticism which had meant I was still quite a distance away, I watched as Rook too vanished, presumably saved by the governess. I put my hands up, knowing I was unmatched, and begged for my life, and to my surprise, it worked! Thaddeus Valentine could see a use for me, knowing the presidential party couldn't be far.


[15:55 PM] An unlikely alliance, Natsuki Subaru and quacking mad I would rate my quack 5/7 (if I were a duck) take out the President party. But not before El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande takes I would rate my quack 5/7 (if I were a duck) with him.
Natsuki Subaru reports:

And so an unlikely alliance formed, and we lay in wait. At this point, I discovered one of the other benefits of looking pretty useless in an operation like this as a passing couple informed me there were others further along the path that were also laying in wait. Perhaps, should we both make it out alive, I would rate my quack 5/7 (if I were a duck) and I could kill them too before settling our own score (aka me running away). After longer than expected, the presidential party arrive. This time, I was nowhere near as well hidden, and so I saw them planning an attack on me too. leapt out and engaged Bodyguard Lieutenant Senorfarquaado De Verdurasybongos and Bodyguard Cuidadoa Conlas Rotulas while I distracted El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande, dodging his bullets. I was a bit focussed on this, not wanting to die, but at some point all the other three died, and it was just the president himself, and one very ordinary Natsuki Subaru.

At least, that's what he thought. My many deaths in the past had taught me a lot about trapping and cornering prey, and eventually he was left with nowhere to retreat. His back against a wall - a death sentence when against my gun - he desperately fired a final shot which flew wide as I shot him through the chest.

I would rate my quack 5/7 (if I were a duck) reports:

Mallard, I have some eggciting news to relate. Natsuki Subaru and I decided to settle our differences at a later date and hide, waiting instead to put an end to the fowl villain El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande. I quickly found somewhere that fit the bill and without feather ado concealed myself.

It went swimmingly and they approached to within a few metres of us. I jumped up, and attempted to draw their attention to the fact I was not, in fact, a duck, but unfortunately they saw my ally concealed imperfectly behind a large sycamore. I knew they would take the attempt to flee if they could. 'Duck it!', I thought. With breadtaking courage, I decided to try fight all three of them at once, and a fully-fledged battle ensued.

Eventually, they quacked under the pressure, and I darted forwards, ending first one of the guards, and then the other. No paradox were they, but merely human, their eyes widening in surprise as they crumpled to the ground.

It was at this point that I realised the reloading mechanism for my gun had fallen apart. Dammit. Would my 'stupidly overpowered weapon' insurance foot the bill for that? I turned to El General and attempted to wing it anyway, but such was my distraction that he clipped my torso with his hail of bullets and put an end to me. I really had been dabbling with things out of my depth - water disaster!

The last thing I saw as I was taken out of Time was my erstwhile ally heroically engage with our foe, and strike him down.


[16:00 PM] Twitch reappears again. (How many Twitch timelines are there?) Makes 1 kill and 6 assists, before helplessly dying

Alright... looks like I'm doing this one more time... from the top.

My name's Twitch. Maybe you've heard of me... probably not. I've had a few names over the years... a few... lives.

So... I've been a young inventor by the name of Cornelius Gray... a Victorian gentleman, disgraced, scared, but, polite and well spoken. I recall that life fondly. It was my first... and my most innocent. Of course, as always, one's hands are never kept clean. In the twisted game of the gentleman, there are killers... and there are those who did not survive. Gray survived.

But... time screws all of that up, doesn't it? Copies and clones and timetravel and... it's all messed up.

I've been an automaton... that was the first time I took on the name of 'Twitch'. A failure... a defective thing that twitched in constant paranoia, driven only by a desire to live. That which is not human is not meant to undergo psychological strain... and those two weeks took a toll on the automation. However... like when I was Gray... I survived.

I was a man of glass eyes and many deaths... and only one or two great accomplishments. But, during that time, I established connections.

I was... nobody.

And then, I was somebody. Gray again... Time is a fickle thing and I found myself back in the life of a man outside of it. The man had succeeded... become the 'catalyst'... the 'umpire'. I have a better idea of what that means than many people do. Thousands of years in the future and Gray took over the world in an attempt to control the 'great game'... in an attempt to ensure that those killed by the dark tower of the gentleman was... well, that they were those who were already destined to die.

But, I also noticed, during that life, that I twitched... and I felt... glassy eyed.

I wonder if Gray really did live that long.

You see, other names I've had... Alder Skrilth, the changeling... The patient man who simply outlives his enemies... Unit 012 of the shadow broker's forces... Deathmaster... Star Lord in a world ravaged by something called the 'infinity stones'. And then... I was 'Twitch' again.

I keep coming back to this name... this life.

And... I thought I was done with it. Last time, when I spoke to death itself and fought it... I thought my story was over.

Turns out not.

Turns out, even the most successful of us can still grow rusty... careless... think that they're out of the game, close their eyes and end up tied to a chair.

I have a question for you... dear Governess... do you think this is a good idea? I'm CORNELIUS GRAY! I am TWITCH! I know your game... and I am the one for whom they named the very concept of ruining plans. (Look it up... the gentleman thought I did a rather good job of derailing his plot). The gentleman... Jareth the goblin king... Thanos... She called herself M, but, she was much like you... all of these people have tried to do what you are doing. Please... find out how, exactly, our relationships played out.

You bound me to a chair... you pointed me at the enemy again... and you said kill.

Well dear Governess... this is not my first time.

I relate to you my account of events... I am afraid that I will have to be less verbose than usual.

I met up with two accomplices... people I recognised... snatched from around time... I wasn't sure if I knew this iteration of them, but... one was one I had worked with closely before... the other, one I was assured knew his way around a firearm.

I was being brought in as something of a tactical consultant.

Huh... to tell the truth, I rather messed that up, but, I should tell the whole story.

We put together a plan to ambush the so called 'president' on his route... picked our place with it in mind that we wanted a wide open space... somewhere where we could take advantage of our numbers.

We then spread out to check the area. When we returned... it seemed like we had not been the only ones to have this idea. But, you made the protocol for such events evidently clear. I was able to circle around a building and flank the enemy. They turned on me, but, could not fight a war on 2 fronts for very long.

Dear Governess... I would like to apologise. You see... I find myself... rusty... out of practice... unable to fight like I once did. I have been in isolation for a long time you see, and I believe that I have physically degraded. However... I still 'am' Twitch...

Such is my reputation. The president's party recognised me... as was the plan. I only had to distract them for a little while before my allies engaged and mopped up the rest. I was able to secure a kill on one bodyguard in that time.

Then came what followed... we swept through the president's route, looking for other candidates to remove from the way of the agency.

It was... productive. Another group of 3 posed some challenge... they kept themselves alive for quite some time by retreating across a bridge, but, I have worked with one of these allies before... a shrewd man with a mind for tactics... we understood each other immediately as he slipped away. Again... I acted as distraction and drove them back to where my ally lay in wait. I did not kill any, but, none of the three of them survived.

I... made an error, however.

As you may now, Governess, I work well in open spaces... when I have room to move... I should have respected my old enemy more. We have fought on many, many different fronts... and together once or twice... but, myself and my enemy... I know not what name he uses now, but... he too has lived many lives... and has perhaps an even more intimate relationship with Death than I. I should not have attempted to flank this man. Failing to follow my own number 1 rule, I cut off my own escape route.

And, thus ended the current incarnation of Twitch.

I may yet be in contact again.


[16:20 PM] Meatbag Natsuki Subaru saves more important meatbag El General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande from ambush by assassin droid HK-47. Sayonara and Absent Without Keys also perish valiantly
HK-47 reports:

I report from my new model, despite its construction not being entirely finished.

Observation: However, its cognitive circuits are not presently fused with the rest of the pile of slag formerly called its head, so it is in better condition than my previous model.

I will now commence recollection of the events prior to the end of my previous model's functional existence, as per the Client???s request.

Aside: The word "Client" is an agreeable one, much more so than "Master". I always seem to end up killing my "Masters".

Entry to the timeline was not ideal. Time seemed to be running slightly wrong for the first hour, as my internal chrono logged the time as significantly shorter than this. Moreover, one of the meatbags I had agreed to carry out the contract with was nowhere to be found, and would not respond to communications. However, I was quick to locate another potential ally, Absent Without Keys. I arranged to meet them in a carefully selected location that allowed my remaining partner (codename Sayonara) and I to converge on them without being spotted, as meatbags are notoriously untrustworthy individuals.

As it turned out, Absent Without Keys was agreeable enough, and I was pleased to know that both of my companions were as eager to kill meatbags as I was.

To begin, we moved swiftly to a vantage point from which we were able to observe the General and his guards prepare and depart on their route. It was most frustrating that we were unable to strike then and there, but we were not in a tactically sound position, and so we decided to move instead to intercept them later on.

We arrived at our intended location - a site perfect for a prepared force to hide and attack from varying angles, elevations and degrees of cover - but to our annoyance found it infested with undersized meatbags. Once again, we moved on.

Further on the planned route, we located another ideal site - one from where my companions could draw the targets out into the open, leaving them vulnerable to attack from the side. We prepared and waited, but our targets had already been attacked, and so were becoming wise to ambush tactics. They moved not alone but as part of a crowd, and so by the time my peripheral sensors detected them, it was all I could do to evade detection and let them pass.

Frustrated statement: Again, we were forced to reconsider our plan.

Our quarry were distracted ahead of us, providing ample opportunity for the three of us to circle around ahead of them. It was at this time that we noticed that our opportunities were running out. The environment was rather too open to allow concealment or effective range, so we were limited to one final ambush site before the General reached their destination. It was not an ideal location, but it sufficed, as our plan was not complex.

One of our number acted as bait, and a lookout - they drew the attention of our targets away from our hiding-place, and informed us when to move to intercept our prey. This allowed us to begin the engagement in good range of our targets, as we knew our advantage would be lost at distance. We struck with speed and force.

Analysis: Our weapons were not of comparable size to the General's team's - it was only the element of surprise that kept us functional in the opening moments of the conflict.

A fierce firefight ensued, and I was personally cornered by perhaps the most renowned member of our target's group, Bodyguard Lieutenant Senorfarquaado De Verdurasybongos - the feared Lord Farquaado of Vegetables and Bongos.

Aside: I am not programmed to feel fear, but "feared" is the word to use in this situation, as his reputation is that of a meatbag to be feared by other meatbags.

My blaster sang sweet havoc, but my adversary was nimble. I emptied my entire first power pack in his direction, but every bolt missed by the barest fraction of an inch. I was beginning to enjoy the thrill of the long-awaited hunt come to fruition. My companions provided covering fire as I retrieved my secondary power pack, but it was to be their final stand - each in turn was struck as our enemies seized the opportunity to concentrate fire on them.

I renewed my assault, and was awarded for my boldness, as a decisive shot crippled the leg of Lord Farquaad himself! He retreated back to the General's position, and I prepared to give chase, when my peripheral sensors registered that a meatbag behind me - previously held at bay by the temporal anomalies formed by the convergence of so many agents out of time, before my companions' defeat - held suddenly in his hands a fearsome contraption, and I had not even sufficient time to face this new threat before a torrent of flame poured forth from the mouth of his weapon. My head was in an instant raised far beyond its safe operating temperature, and I regained consciousness in my previously prepared replacement model, here.

Threat: Meatbag, for your intervention, I shall hunt you.

Natsuki Subaru reports:

Knowing from those friendly passers-by that there was another ambush ahead, I decided to use the presidential team as bait, and gave the path a wide berth. I soon noticed a lone woman sitting on a bench. She had to be their bai, and motioned to her in the hopes she would take the hint that her targets were nearby. I watched her notice the presidential party and quickly take a gun from her bag, leaping to her feet as her friends burst out from hiding. There was gunfire everywhere, but more importantly for me, there was a faint blue light enveloping them. I remembered the governess saying that part of her way of ensuring the secrecy of these missions was to restrict numbers, and cloak larger fights so the public couldn't see them. I seemed to be witnessing this first hand.

In the hope someone would fall and I could mop up the remainder of the fight, I walked from the other direction, and hid where the ambushers had been lurking. The blue cloaking disappeared and I noticed one of the ambushers, another female, grab more ammunition from a bag nearby, and she ran past me, completely unaware I was looking to stop her until my bullets found their mark and she fell too. At this point, I realised to my horror, that the whole presidential team was still alive, and ran for my life, knowing a 3v1 fight was essentially suicide. I could see the president's office, if I could just reach there I could use the transporter to escape, so fired some warning shots behind me as I ran to keep my pursuers at bay.

It got closer, so did they, my gun started powering down and the last stretch was bike tracks. With the odds sacked against me I focused on running, and eventually, and exhaustedly, leapt into the transporter and made it out alive. I panted, a wave of satisfaction filling me. I had been so used to dyeing and respawning tens of times when I needed to, I had forgotten how good it felt to live as if this was my only life. I could get used to this.

Monday, 19 October


[23:07 PM] Yuhang Xie has a strange message for everyone...
Yuhang Xie reports:

you're in the umpires emails sending reports onto the website. i am in their facebook DMs sending them horny memes. we are not the same.

Wednesday, 21 October


[17:49 PM] Yuhang Xie warns everyone about [REDACTED GOVERNMENT ACTIVITY]
Yuhang Xie reports:


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